The Schizoid's Wife: What To Do?

Don't tell me to go to the personality partners' forum. Been there. Now I'm asking you folks, or perhaps I should say "us." Because I'm one of you, my long-term wife is not, and now and then she goes nuts about my, well, what can I say? My "schizoidness?" And no, she won't take "sickness" or "mental problem" for an answer. So I looked at some resources and found out I just had to tough it out: Stay with her. Be with her. Listen to her. Yadayadayada.

Anyone have any great ideas? Anyone been through this routine before? I'm perfectly happy living inside my head and she says it makes her feel like a roommate. But I love her (at least I think I do, though I'm not sure I know what that means) and I'm perfectly willing to do what it takes to make her happy. Except I can't even fake what she's asking for. I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling inside while I'm with her. All I DO feel (with anyone at all) is that I'd like to get back to my computer. I mean, that's not something I particularly like to admit, but it's the truth.

Even when I try to tough it out it always winds up with her screaming that I don't understand and yelling at me to go back to the computer. Ummm, what am I supposed to understand? If someone would provide me with a reasonably literate written description of what to feel and what to understand, I'd very much appreciate it.

This has happened many times with T. T will tell me something and I hear the words and I think I understand but then circumstances and happenings a month or two later will make it clear to me that I didn't know what T meant. It always has to do with some feelings or emotions. I'd really love to leave this SPD business behind but I understand that that's not on the cards.

Take care.

(((((Ygrec23)))))


Ah yes...reading your post made me realize one of the reasons why I don't want a romantic relationship. Didn't your wife realize that you had SPD when you got married? No offense to her, but if she DID know this, she should have been prepared to live with it. I certainly hope she didn't expect to marry you, and then change you. Because that never works.

Personally, I don't see how you two can have a lasting, (happy) marriage if you are the way you are, and she can't accept that. Indeed, it does seem like you are more like roommates, and less like spouses.

I don't think it's fair of her to try and change you, but that's my opinion. I do apologize if my reply has been too blunt...but it's just how I feel regarding this situation. I wish you the best of luck.

You say, "Now and then she goes nuts about my .... 'schiznoidness.'" So I gather this has happened periodically over your marriage? And you seek answers?

Bravo!

It seems to me you're both being as good a spouse to the other as you can be. She is honest with you & tells you when she needs something she's not getting. You hear her & do your best to find a solution. She sees your real effort, the best you can do.

You may never get closer to a solution, but in the process you are still getting closer to each other. The respect, the awareness, the caring are there. All in all, not a bad marriage at all--by current standards. By any standards.

Roadrunner

When does this happen, where she tells you to go back to your computer? Do you guys sit on the couch and cuddle and watch TV together?