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faithnhope
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Confused Sep 13, 2012 at 03:29 PM
  #1
I am 25 years old and I feel like I am loosing my mind. I grew up in and out of foster care when I was child, my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia before I was born and was never able to care for me and she doesn't know who my father is. I was very imaginative child, also a very lonely one. So I made up a family when I was little and they helped me get through a lot, they comforted me when there was no REAL person to do it. I have always had a lot of imaginary friends that nobody knew about, It was harmless and got me through a lot but they didn't stay harmless because imaginary wasn't good enough I wanted them to be real. At age 16 I spent most of my time on the internet and I met a lady in a chat room that over a 5 year period, I came to really care about, she was my best friend. The problem was I was never honest with her about who I was. I became one of my imaginary friends to this lady she never got to know the real me, and eventually when we wanted to meet in person (she was going to come from the Philippines to meet me) I had to tell her about all the lies I had told and it ruined that friendship, that was devastating to me and her, I didn't think I would ever get through it, but I did, and for a while I put away my imaginary family and friends. I got married and now have 3 children but my husband is gone most of the time and I have gotten very lonely again and then I brought back my imaginary friends, and again have made them real people, my husband and step-daughter (age 12) believe that my imaginary friends are real friends of mine, they have a relationship with them (me online) and they believe these people I made up are real. I feel so guilty, I really want to stop this but I don't know how, and the thought of telling them the truth makes me feel suicidal, I would rather die then them to find out I made these people up. My step-daughter is very close with one of my imaginary friends and it would break her heart to find out it was me all along. I feel like I am going crazy, I spend all day every day thinking about this, it has completely taken over my life. I don't know what to do, or what is wrong with me?
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mkpleco
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Default Sep 14, 2012 at 07:28 AM
  #2
Well you haven't hurt anyone so don't freak so much. You do need some support as you start to be honest to the people close to you.
As for your question, no this does not sound like spd. But I am not a doctor.
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Default Sep 14, 2012 at 04:07 PM
  #3
Have you considered a (relatively mild) form of dissociative identity disorder? In that case, your imaginary friends would be parts of you. It might be helpful to get some therapy to help you "integrate" the parts and it's too bad that something like that couldn't have happened before you met with your friend from the Phillippines, but that doesn't mean it has to be so disastrous with your husband and step-daughter.

Maybe post something in the Dissociation forum and people there can relate? I had DDNOS but not active imaginary friends as an adult.
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faithnhope
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Default Sep 16, 2012 at 01:24 PM
  #4
Thank you both for your input
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