I found out...

I discovered I had been diagnosed with SPD the hard way.

After having a breakdown 2 years ago i lost my job and nearly my life and ever since then i have been pushed from pillar to post 'going through the system' that is the delightful NHS. They haven't a clue what to do with my and i have been left with no support on waiting lists for up to 9 months at a time.

I had to ask my GP for a letter to send to my university to get Disabled Students help and i was expecting the letter to just cover the fact that i'm on medications and the side effects make me struggle to work etc and that i have been diagnosed with ME. Instead, i discover from the letter that i have been diagnosed with SPD. I don't know which psych I saw diagnosed me though i could have a good guess. I'm over the stage of being absolutely furious at finding out this way and I am over the denial stage where i decided they must be wrong.

I found a good website that lists symptoms called 'out of the fog' and actually.. i match up to nearly all the 'symptoms' and suddenly a whole lot makes sense to me. Why i feel emotionally detached from everyone and everything, why i am so dependant on having adult figures in my life and yet avoid relationships with anybody. It even explains my focus on things that confirms what i believe and why its so easy to ignore everything else, the depression and the dissociation and even the utterly soul destroying emptiness that i feel.

I know i was angry and in denial at first but now i feel utter relief at having the diagnosis as it means i'm not just an emotionally cold and heartless person, there is a reason i am the way i am and i cant help it. I hate that the Mental Health Teams in the UK don't believe in telling people what their diagnosis is for fear of 'making them feel worse', i think its our right to know what they think is wrong with us!

Hi Emptyinside. I just wanted you to know that I've read your post and hear where you're coming from. I'll post again more later when I am more able.

Sorry for the delayed reply. They started me on a new med and I've been really out of it.

They didn't tell me I had been diagnosed with SPD, either. Eventually, I had to ask them and they told me and gave a brief explanation. And then it seemed like they changed it or something because when I went IP they didn't even mention SPD but it's possibly because it wasn't helpful information in that case. Anyways. Did you ever ask them if you had a dx?

It is a relief knowing what you're dealing with, knowing there's others who deal with similar things and that there's a name for it.

Hi Adespota, sorry to hear you are having horrible med side effects, i really hate that and there is nothing you can do but wait it out.

I have asked repeatedly for a diagnosis but here where i live at least they say they don't like to label people and refuse to tell you a diagnosis, in fact they just refuse to diagnose you with anything rather than refuse to tell you something. It might help some people but for me i am sick to death of struggling and feeling like i've been making it up because i didnt know what was wrong with me.

So I saw a psychiatrist a little while ago and it turned out to be rather interesting as all the advise she gave me kind of went against advise i have been given before. She actively encouraged me to do a lot more reading up on personality disorders etc.

I have temporarily got the label of 'unstable personality disorder' until i do more research because she says it could be schizoid pd but i also have a lot of symptoms that match schizotypal pd. They are both from cluster A or introverted personality disorders, she also told me that i managed to fit all the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder in cluster c as well.

She explained that she can only go by which symptoms i tell her about but only i can really decide which diagnosis fits me best because only i really know myself. There really isn't a huge amount of information out there but i am pretty sure I have both Schizoid PD and Avoidant PD, not Schizotypal as one of the main symptoms of that is disordered beliefs in things such as angels or ghosts and other things like that and i just don't.

I am now on waiting list for psychotherapy but the psychiatrist did underline the fact that i would only get 40 sessions which is half what i probably need and that she wasn't sure how much it would help me because i was so difficult to talk to, lol she even pointed out she had to ask twice as many questions of me to get information as any 'normal' person.

Anyhoo... that's just my update because i felt like getting it out of my head.