[Hey Gem]

I have been wondering about this.

My first psychosis was at age 25 in 2015. My second psychosis was early last year when I was 29.

Before the second one started, I had been crying a lot over having to cut ties with someone. He was very important to me, but I thought it was the best decision to let him. And yet it triggered feelings of an intense grief, despair, hopelesness, like nothing was ever going to be okay again, loneliness, anger about the situation, I never felt such an intense pain before. And I got sleeping problems, and eventually the delusions started. I was randomly in love with someone from YouTube, I thought people were trying to communicate with me through the TV, I thought I was being stalked, things like that. No hallucinations, just delusions and paranoia. And with all that pain I felt, I felt like I was going to die.

With the first psychosis, I don't remember a pain so intense but I do remember crying and being upset. Just not the same despair and hopelessness. I also had happy feelings (mania).

I talked to someone who claims to be a psychotherapist and she said that heartbreak is not considered a trauma (though to me it felt traumatic) people get that all the time without getting a psychosis. And she said that if the psychosises were not triggered by a traumatic event, then it could be Bipolar 1. I was only diagnosed with psychosis twice.

I want to be able to understand so that I know how to help myself just in case it happens again. I am still not over all that pain I went through. I do take antipsychothics and antisepressia.

What do you all think?

[Aviza]

Mine was caused by deep loss. Sounds like yours was the same. I was 30 ish. Suffered with depression prior psychosis happened after dad died.

[Fuzzybear]

I think that getting a second opinion could well be helpful. Good luck

[ShaneG]

It's mainly trauma or being a victim like being builled as a kid, sigled out, bad events in life.