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Old 09-03-2017, 06:16 PM #1
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Default Surviving Anhedonia

Surviving seems to be an apt word to describe what living with anhedonia is like. I'm damaged goods unable to feel mental pleasures or depressions. I can feel physical symptoms of happiness and depression though. I mostly feel negative physical symptoms since I can't conjure up happiness like others. I'm always thinking of death and to be honest, it doesn't seem like a big deal because I don't feel a lot of emotions. I haven't felt emotion since I started on SSRI's years ago. I thought coming off lamictal, the last mood drug that I would be on, would bring them back but to no avail, still gone.

My question is, What's the point of life if you can't feel? Spare me the comforting words that have no emotional effect on me, or that love saves all, because I can't feel love, or passion, or music, or any climax in a movie.

Without emotion my days are extremely mechanistic. I do things because I logically should and my living conditions would be worse off if I didn't.

What purpose can there be in life without emotion involved? It's like I have to live an ascetic life devoid of all pleasure towards a purpose which that wont even bring me pleasure or peace.

After being numb after a long day I routinely get frustrated, then fear, then anger, then I start to drink to try and relax.

I can be humorous, which I believe is a shallow human emotion compared to passion and love. It's hard to be sincere and humorous at the same time and I wont feel the benefits of it.

I wont live a happy life so what's the purpose. And since I have no emotions then I don't feel motivations to spread my wings and do things that would create a more complete flourishing life.

So I live the life of austere, stark reason, or the comedian, which as Jungian types go, I have zero aspiration or connection for or with. Yuck.

What's the point of life if you can't feel anything anymore?!
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Old 09-03-2017, 06:38 PM #2
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

Sorry DT

I'm not sure why you're so affected by anhedonia....I sometimes get to the point where I literally don't want to do anything....I still go into work out of habit but what happens when that wears off? Mine doesn't last more than a week.....I suppose you can still live a life of service? If you can't help yourself you may still be able to help others? I see you teaching....you may not have the same passion you once had but I still see you teaching us and others about philosophy. I'm not sure if you get anything from it now or not but you still do it and sometimes just doing it is enough.

Have you had cbt therapy? Sometimes actions influence how we feel, just the doing stuff is enough to lift us from a pit.

I know you come here to PC and you help us all with laughter and support. I don't know if you get any satisfaction from that but I hope you do.



I think the thing to remember is things can change in the future....I know you've tried a lot of meds but there are always new ones, or supplements. Your brain may heal....You seem to love kitler.....and in that there is hope......
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Old 09-03-2017, 06:45 PM #3
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

BBC - Future - What is it like to have never felt an emotion?


Have you heard of this...I wonder if you've stumbled into something like this rather than anhedonia?
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Old 09-03-2017, 06:56 PM #4
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Old 09-03-2017, 06:57 PM #5
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
BBC - Future - What is it like to have never felt an emotion?


Have you heard of this...I wonder if you've stumbled into something like this rather than anhedonia?
Upon looking further into this it can occur post pstd....I honestly wonder if the severity of emotions in ptsd could actually change neural circuitry so that you don't feel emotions, like a protective state? Do you get any emotions from anything now....I wonder if due to neuroplasticity you could enhance those emotions you do feel and eventually regain your emotions?


Have you looked into the science of emotions? I wonder.....
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:34 PM #6
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
Upon looking further into this it can occur post pstd....I honestly wonder if the severity of emotions in ptsd could actually change neural circuitry so that you don't feel emotions, like a protective state? Do you get any emotions from anything now....I wonder if due to neuroplasticity you could enhance those emotions you do feel and eventually regain your emotions?


Have you looked into the science of emotions? I wonder.....
The "science of emotions" seems like a vague term that I know very little about except from my own experience. I focus, nay, I meditate so hard on music, on art, on my relationships intensely in an attempt to try and feel something. I look for something good to listen to on the radio I put it on and before I know the song is over because I'm not moved by it. Thefore, I have to force myself to listen to the lyrics to follow along or else it's just background noise. It literally is just noise, not pleasant at all, just sounds in a space put together tha have no effect on my heart chords.

SEX even, SEX use to give me a huge euphoric rush that would help me cope with depression and I feel nothing afterwards, only physical pleasure, not mental pleasure. I can't find a way to pry my emotions open unless I want to try and do illegal drugs but I'm to cautious and careful to try anything like that.

I remember when I was on the SSRI I would tell my psychiatrist that my head feels like its bubbling. Other than bouts of anger I felt NOTHING on an SSRI. NOTHING AT ALL. NOTHING! I begged my psychiatrist for my depression back but he just looked at me stupefied because he was wrestling with either panic attacks or anhedonia and anhedonia in his mind isn't as bad. He was a **** psychiatrist. I screamed at him after he didn't listen to me about how much I hated Risperdal and I think in fear he finally gave me options. But I learned to slowly that there are more than just one med out there for each illness. I was just not aware enough and I followed him like a lemming off the cliff.

I don't want to live the life of service. Even the man who only wants honor gains emotions from accepting honor for honorable people. Existentialism isn't prepared to handle people who live without emotions, even the stoic Marcus Arelius found peace in control and balance and married and felt love even though he had a bastard child.

I've looked up treatments for anhedonia and boy--recovery is nonexistent by and large. People say they think they are starting to feel better only to realize that its physical emotions they are experiencing not mental. the depressionforum has a forum just on anhedonia and its filled with almost zero success stories, one of the two success stories involves a drug that isn't approved in the US so there goes that. I've tried dopamine enhancing drugs and they do nothing but give me physical symptoms of alertness and make me not sleep, sometimes even anxiety if I'm not careful.

The PTSD largely disappeared around the time I got on lithium then lamictal, which happened to be the period I exited school, never to come back so no more triggers. I don't think it was the PTSD, I think it was the SSRI which made me feel ABSOLUTELY NOTHING--NOTHING. I had trouble with even phsycial pleasure on ssri's they were so exstensively numbing ruining my sex life 100% while on them.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:52 PM #7
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

I try to meditate while listening to highly euphoric music to catch some glimmer of emotion and hang on to it but to no avail. However, I can feel the chills, which is a physical response, from music. It's just like me feeling the physical symptoms of depression where my head feels like it weighs a ton. I am completely unable to tie emotions with ideas. I've got a lobotomy going on that completely severed my emotions with ideas.

I've tried Effexor which can boost dopamine, I've tried Wellbutrin twice which can boost dopamine but that doesn't work at all either. Most antidepressants dampen emotions unfortunately. I could try something like concerta though but I'm skeptical if that would work and id only take that if it worked as therapy to eventually get my emotions back, as if it could pry the jar open so that I could eventually wield them myself. But they act as stimulants so I doubt they would work at all. I could also try ketamine but lol good luck in finding a psychiatrist who would give me special K and its administered in shots so no thanks.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:56 PM #8
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

It's been years since I've felt a positive emotion. It's been two years since I've been off antidepressants, which I believe caused it. It's been three months since I've been off Lamictal completely. I feel so ****ing numb it's unbelievable, and I drink alcohol for its sedative effects that make me feel relaxed. Interestingly, previous to all medications, when I would drink alcohol I would feel immense joy and my face would rush with emotional chemicals making it feel numb. Now I don't get that sensation when I drink because my chemistry has changed so much.
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Old 09-03-2017, 09:30 PM #9
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

DT I'm really concerned about this.....I'm going to look into some stuff when I get into work on Tuesday I don't have the access now.
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Old 09-03-2017, 09:47 PM #10
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Default Re: Surviving Anhedonia

Question have you ever tried Abilify? All the anhedonia stuff has to do with dopamine...if you're having issues a partial agonist might help more than a blockade.....just wondering.....
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