I think This...

I have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia but I did have a psychotic breakdown with voices four years ago, hence why I am posting in this forum.

My story may raise protest & argument, and I hope it is appropriate to post about this, but here it goes.... I started hearing voices after an attempt around 2008. They were demonic and of the anti-Christ.

I also heard what I deemed as Angelic voices. During this time, around 2008 and thereafter, I started having paranormal experiences-- my body was being moved by other energies. I could hold a heavy, large hammer in my hand, and my arm would be moved up and down, when I wasn't the one moving it., or a large, heavy cup would be moved back and forth, back and forth across my body. I would ask yes and no questions to these entities, and my head would be moved up and down as a yes, and back and forth as a no.

Fast forward to 2013-2014. The voices would come and go, but they are of the most evil kind at this time, after a severely abusive relationship ended. I heard a certain evil person's name around me, a real person who had died in prison, and I thought I had become possessed by his spirit or that this spirit was haunting me. I heard his name over and over again around me for three weeks straight -- then was hospitalized for it. They put me on anti-psychotic meds.

Fast forward to today. I still hear voices now and again -- they are still evil, of the anti-Christ and demonic, as well as what I deem as Angelic -- loving, positive and encouraging. I still have paranormal experiences with my body, but now when I ask yes and no questions, they speak out of my mouth in answer, and I am not the one saying the words.

I have come to believe that this experience is of the paranormal kind --- that in fact, I hear spirit voices and those of demons and angels and that I am a medium/channel of sorts -- that something in me opened up after my attempt in 2008.

Now, I know that people here may protest and say that it is purely medical. There is no explanation for the paranormal that I experience though. I am definitely not the one speaking the words when I receive answers to questions I ask of these entities. They will often identify themselves too - either being of the dark or of light and love. Sometimes they speak in sentences.

So now today, I am still on the meds, and they somewhat help but somewhat do not help.

I had an episode of the evil spirit again recently. Only in prayer and when demanding that this spirit leaves does it leave me alone. Only in prayer do the voices seem to go away and calm down -- at least temporarily.

And it's not just voices, but my body is moved. My eyes get moved all over my computer or the TV screen, to certain words or images, when I am not the one moving my eyes to those words. It's as though they are trying to convey messages to me this way.

Now, I have vigil candles and crystals in my apartment to ward off evil entities. They seem to help.

So that is my experience, yet doctors and my therapist believe it is strictly medical & strictly psychosis.

I just want to turn it off myself and wonder, why me????? What am I supposed to do with this? And why am I also hearing evil voices?????? It's maddening for me, and I don't know what I am supposed to do with this.

I truly hope I am not in violation by posting this, but I have to write about it because I struggle with it all alone, and very few people believe me. My boyfriend, however, does believe that I am a medium -- he has witnessed me speaking words that were not mine.

I think it’s interesting that they come from your mouth, usually that only happens in DID which also has voices....have you considered dissociation or are they sure it’s psychosis?

I don't like considering all voices are either psychotic or dissociative (pathological), but many doctors and psychologist do.

There is a movement called Voice hearing network, it may help you:
https://www.hearing-voices.org/

I

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

Hmm.... no one has ever mentioned disassociation to me -- is that what DID stands for? Dissociation disorder?

TY!!!

Well DID is one type of dissociation, it’s dissociative identity disorder where people have alters but you can get voices from just dissociation I think....it’s not really my area of expertise.

Ty for that explanation -- much appreciated! The thing is, nothing quite explains the paranormal experiences I have?

Also, when I cast out what I believe to be dark spirits or entities talking to me in the name of Jesus, I make very strange and loud growling sounds & my body makes writhing movements.... like you would witness in an exorcism. There's no medical or scientific explanation for that.

Hi Golden eve. This must be extremely confusing and painful. I used to have similar experiences. I didn't actually hear voices or say things but I felt evil entities in my room at night and paranormal things happened. They reacted to Jesus's name just like in your case.
I too struggle with telling what's the nature of this. It. May be a result of trauma. However what helped me was stopping doing anything new age related and only pray to God and Mary for protection. I'd like to stress in not an evangelical Christian, I don't even live in a very Christian environment, so it's not my intention to convert you.
Just sharing what helped me. Maybe if you could get rid of those new age crystals and other new age or occult objects you have and seek spiritual help.
I "stole" holy water from a catholic church even though I don't go there regularly and sprinkled it in my home. When I feel negative spirits I hold my blessed rosary. It helps and I'm never bothered when I do these things.
Once again, I hope you don't get offended, I don't want to convert you. In fact, I truly struggle with my faith and I don't really consider myself a Christian. Just sharing my experience.

Awww, thank you SO MUCH for your post!!! I really needed to hear that someone can relate to my experience! I feel so alone with it!

I am also very glad to know what works for you -- I am not offended whatsoever! And I know you're not trying to convert me.

I am not religious, more spiritual, but I have turned to prayer, rosaries, and Jesus for help in times like these. It does seem to be the one avenue that works.

Also, what I am finding? Is that if I totally ignore all of it and just focus on my reality -- that is, what is happening on earth and not in the spirit world. If I focus on tasks I am doing, or just on my own life in general, they seem to go away pretty quickly. But if I think about it even, wham, there they are again! ARGH.

So now I am trying to ignore them and just live my life. This is helping.

I will keep the crystals around mainly because I like them though.

Again, thank you so much... many many hugs to you!!!

I'm so glad it was encouraging and helpful!
And you know what??? I have exactly the same result with just ignoring the spiritual and they go away!!! It's incredible, I'm so glad you feel the same as me! I'm pretty sure we experience the same thing. We just need to find out if it's spiritual or psychological. I suspect it may be a mix or perhaps the entities use our mental vulnerability... I've been trying to figure this out for a few years but I still haven't been able to identify what's going on. I know it goes away when I ignore them however at the same time I'm like attracted to this topic, almost magnetically. I just can't let the spirituality be, because I need it in my life. But as soon as I try doing anything spiritual the negativity is back.
I feel the negativity as either entities or deep internal pressure and anxiety that won't allow me to practise spirituality. As soon as I decide to return either to Christianity, or natural mysticism, I get anxious. I get disturbing and conflicting thoughts, feelings of unsepcified guilt and fear which makes me very stressed. I am not able to have one stable belief for more than a day or two, I immediately change my mind and become indecesive and agnostic or start believing the exact opposite. I did tons of research on many religions, I've read and discussed on various forums, I took several university courses on religion, I've tried practising a few different religions myself... and I am still not able to decide what I believe! The whole process is causing me great stress and anxiety and I am simply not able to forget about it. It's something I discuss every now an then in my therapy but no significant results so far. My only progress is that I don't go to the forums and don't study anything anymore, I just think in my own mind and sometimes, when I am able to, I pray.
I wish you all the best Eve, I hope you'll get rid of those entities that bother you and will be able to live a nice peaceful life! You don't deserve to be scared like that. Please keep us updated. Feel free to send me a PM if you want to.

That's really interesting that they go away like that for you, too! WOW!

I have found that they seem to return when I wish or try to get closer to a higher power. It's like they're fighting against me or something. I don't get it. Seems almost similar to what you experience.

I have struggled with this since 2008, not knowing what it is exactly or how to manage it.

Perhaps if delving into the spiritual gives you negative experiences, perhaps it's best to just steer clear of it all and live your life? I know it's hard to ignore the spiritual or to dismiss it when there's a deep curiosity, interest, or need, etc.

I have experimented with the spiritual realm and have found that it only just brings trouble, for me. So what I want to do now is to live life, given my own beliefs and feelings, but not focus on it too much. It feels dangerous. So I am trying to just stay grounded here on earth, in my life, does that make sense? So hard to make sense of any of it, really. I've tried to explain to doctors that it feels more than just medical/psychological, but they don't believe me.

I believe you. I suspect this has to be spiritual. I do have mental issues, I do suffer from dissociation, anxiety and depression. However I feel I am able to distinguish my mental problems and reality. And from the posts that you wrote on this forum it seems to me you are capable of distinguishing reality, too.
I'm afraid it might indeed be something that doesn't want us connect to God. But I'm just too weak to fight it. So I will just do what you suggest although I'm not sure if I'll be able to resist. Searching for meaning is closely connected to my trauma... I need "something" to help me heal. So while not being spiritually active gives me peace from the supernatural entities, lack of hope and faith triggers the emptiness of trauma...
I'll be thinking of you wishing you could be freed of all this... I don't know what it is... But hope you'll find peace.

Yes, I am definitely able to distinguish reality. I may have dissociation too though, which I believe can result from trauma and/or PTSD. I definitely have PTSD and past trauma. But I still believe that this is mainly a spiritual issue.

I totally understand the dilemma and conflict of interest. I think you can have hope & faith in the universe as a whole -- meaning, you can hope & believe the universe will deliver good things into your life. I try to now focus my energy on the universe's energy -- which is I suppose, more new age thinking. I don't know.

Guess we may never really get to the full bottom of this -- but protecting oneself from harm is critical. I am hoping and wishing peace for you as well!! TY so much.

Ive expirimented with voices now for several years. Its a programming method. Using internal external stimuli. Psychology is a viscous oily mess.

It IS an oily mess!

I have ignored them lately and am doing FAR better now. They barely exist for me nowadays, thankfully.