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Unbrokensoulgeron
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: West Europe
Posts: 314
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#21
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If I were you I would call a help line. In the UK we have child line and the NSPCC. I have made amends with my family and I do not wish to open up old wounds. Once you break one stitch then you risk another one coming loose and then before you know it you start to unravel. For now I will let sleeping dogs lie. No use crying over spilt milk. Why do you speak like your life is over before it has begun? There are people out there, in my city, county, country who have been through worse than myself but have managed to not make a pigs ear out of their young adult life or gone off the rails like I did. There's the story about two brothers. Raised by an alcoholic abusive father. One grew up and followed in his foot steps and became a drunk where the other never touched a drop. I had good things in my life. Friends. My grandparents. I was driven. I went to school. I had after school hobbies. I played games with my parents. Went cycle runs. On trips. No one has a perfect life. |
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Unbrokensoulgeron
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Location: West Europe
Posts: 314
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#22
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Aunt on mum's side. Crumpets. Red wine. Dudditts. Watching the runners. Passionate not anger. |
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#23
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I have decided I won't marry. and therefore won't raise a family. |
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Unbrokensoulgeron
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#24
When they said if they drunk too much they might not sleep at all, you said shh because it may have been a trigger for me. Not as I catastrophised to, that he may be defective like me. And you won't even remember saying I was being anti-social at a party down at your home. I was sensitive and I would have felt like a fraud speaking to your friends seeing as we were from different walks of life. The class divide is real and I was too shy to attempt to attempt to put aside the pretense for one night. You were a pompous *** to me that night. I went off and me and mum spoke to a uni/college lecturer for a while. And I dotted about. But I didn't want to be clingy and I half hoped someone may have asked why I was upset. I was clutching at straws.
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Unbrokensoulgeron
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Posts: 314
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#25
I apologise for laughing when your heel snapped. Your trainers were fine. Kids will be kids. Ice skating prank. Long line now let go. Triple salchow. Dull and dowdy. Curiosity killed the cat. We will give her a permanent day to herself. Us women don't bear grudges, we act on them so we can put them to sleep. Goodbye.
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it'sgrowtime
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Unbrokensoulgeron
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Location: West Europe
Posts: 314
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#26
This skanky college
I would wear that t shirt...to bed Could watch the way You do things all day. Delays. Panic at the disco. Subways. Doodle spiders. Jose gonzales. JJ. Goodbye. And no hard feeling. I solemnly swear. |
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Unbrokensoulgeron
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#27
My father wanted a boy. I am convinced that if he had been in perfect health and was working he would not have bothered trying to gain visiting rights to have me a few hours every couple of weeks.
I solemnly believe that he pushed for me to have ambition so that he could tell people in conversations that "oh laura is going to be a...." It would give his bleak existence some meaning If I was succeeding like one of those parents that live their life through their kids. He had given up on life, on work and finding new love and lived in the past, steeped in his own self pity. I kept saying "who is going to help me get my eduction? What do I have to fall back on ?" So when I left school after not getting my subject choices, he says there's girls who learn trades thesedays. Why did I have to be a mechanic or a plumber to feel like a valid person. It wasn't enough that I got a job and even getting that wasn't a walk in the park. I applied several times over. I liked that job and I was so proud that I went and got it myself. I wanted to take the year out to re-evaluate my situation and maybe go to the local college. My grandfather took a picture of my cousin and said that could of been you. He went to a private boarding school! He never worked until he left university! Why did everyone have the blinkers on? I never got the head start he did. Neither my mum nor David have a clue what marks I ever got. I never got any rewards. I know I am not a dog but a little gratitude might have gone a long way. David said that the only reason I studied was because my friends couldn't be f&cked with me. If I ever got annoyed that I.had no space to think or study he would tell me I needed to get a life. And he felt sorry for the poor b&stard that ended up with me. It was my fault. It was always my fault. It was my fault I was self destructive ? Question mark. That's a question mark not a statement . |
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#28
I am sorry that you've had to go through this. Speaking of professions, you may remember my earlier post where I explained my dire condition. Let me briefly explain my journey to med school to you (I get a shot at the entrance exam this December.) It's more of a success story. It's probable I will get accepted in med school in my city.
I used to top my science class in high school 'till ninth grade (here high school starts from fifth grade and ends at tenth grade) but then psychosis hit me. I became overly religious. I bathed once in a week. I used to speak in a fast manner about demons and what not in classroom so much my classmates figured out I am crazy back then. Lost all passion for science. But still in tenth grade I regained my sense and studied science, and managed to get 84% in the school-organized prelim, but only got 68% in the board exams (of high school.) I was crushed, I thought I would have gotten 98%, because I left only a two-mark diagram unattempted... I seriously questioned my abilities. But then anyway I got an admission in science stream for college for eleventh grade. I chose the subjects Physics, Chemistry and Biology. With the choice of subjects I was eligible to give the medical entrance exam, and in the present time, the entrance exam comes in December now. My key to med school. Back to eleventh grade, that was a hard time for me, because once again I became delusional and I was hallucinating very strongly, hearing voices even in my sleep and even showed symptoms of exploding head syndrome (which affects you if you have PTSD, or simply military-grade stress) BUT, you'd be surprised to know, I topped my biology class (in a class of nearly 200 people) in the prelims once again, I got 37 out of 40. But then again... I discovered I have memory loss (more accurately, continuous amnesia of dissociative origin, self-diagnosis) the only thing my psych doc could do was reassure me I am psychotic for thinking that I have memory loss, but as I forgot what I read immediately, I knew what was a white lie and what was not. I got 20 out of 50 for biology exam, as I had a misconception that memorization is harder than it actually is. I even got 22 out of 25 for inorganic and organic chemistry (in a combined test for chemistry) at the first semester exam (after I discovered I have memory loss). I never got to know my zoology marks that year but regardless to say I did work day and night for the theoretical part (I literally used to fill a whole A4 sized, 200 pages notebook from notes for organic chemistry and zoology) and even managed to complete my lab records and get 'Good job' words come from my teachers. Here I am now, despite my amnesia, aiming to become a doctor. My parents are against that as I have already been enrolled in a B.S course. (here we've the MBBS system, there's a direct admission to med school after 12th grade) but I will not let them ruin my dream. Medicine isn't a profession, it IS a calling. I hear it calling me. That's why I have survived all that I mentioned in my previous post. It's the purpose of my life to save lives of other people. I am going to drop out of the B.S course once I get admission in a medical college here. It's my passion, I have decided to pursue it anyway. You know? You're completing your education after dropping out and I am going back after enrolling in a B.S course. I am way more ill than you (I guess, I do not know you personally) but I will let nothing, even negative thinking, stop me from pursuing my passion. I have experienced abuse to the point of huge dissociation. If I write everything I've experienced it may lead to huge pain in the butt to me in future, but I think you can prove everyone wrong. I am aiming to prove my psychiatrist wrong, he told me that I never can be a doctor. I will prove him wrong. I will prove my colleague wrong. |
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Unbrokensoulgeron
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#29
Sergio tachini. Its ok, I was never mad at you.Shrek at back of bus, we were kids, no hard feelings. Sorry again to smile in down town for making fun of you for your size. I felt guilty and deserved a slap in the face. I am suprised your not loved up by now. Soon hopefully, got to put yourself out there.
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Unbrokensoulgeron
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: West Europe
Posts: 314
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#30
The title of the thread is in homage to you. I was never lazy or immature in any way shape or form. You probably will never realise the hurt and upset you caused in my life until you are into your retirement years and have a moment to reflect on my story.
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