Do I Have Schizophrenia?

Hi,

Do I have Schizophrenia or I have it in its mild form?
In diagnosis it is mentioned that I have "schizophrenic disorders".
I am not sure. I do not hear voices and I do not have hallucinations. But I try to avoid people because of threat that my subconscious perceives and I can't control it:

- I am afraid I will not understand person speaking to me or explaining something and that person will eventually get angry at me or thing badly of me

- I am afraid of speaking on the phone in public because there is a possibility I will not hear some of the words person is speaking to me due to background noise. I will start asking to repeat and it will put me under scrutiny by everyone, plus person speaking to me will get angry at me and I will get anxious and nervous and will look stupid

- I am afraid especially speaking on the phone when in public transport because of engine noise. I always put my phone on vibration mode. When phone calls, I get nervous and anxious. I try to pick up phone at home and I have to miss important calls.

- I am afraid to pick up the phone and mishear important details or miss important details because of not having notepad and pen close. The other person would ask whether I have written what he said and I would say yes to avoid embarrassment if I did not. I can't memorize important details. Example scenario would be new job offer where HR person calls me to tell the details of place and date.

- Add to all of this that I live in a country where my primary language is not spoken mostly. Mostly it's second language which I am not well versed in and it takes more time to get across what people say. Plus I am naturally kind of slow to get the point across, to understand what other people want in certain situations. This adds much of the difficulty in living daily life... There were situations where I was panicking and felt anxious so much that I lost my ability to speak almost. It's like everything got blurry and I did not remember the words...

Due to above, my mind developed failure-prone mind pattern where I am afraid of everything and try to be avoidant of people and situations. My life goes to hell slowly and I don't know what to do. I will add that I am living with mom, who takes care of most challenges but eventually I will end up alone, won't I? The thought of the unknown and how I will be able to care of myself causes me to think of the way to exit life aka suicide options. I need to make a living and the only option I see is working at factory where interaction with people is minimal... I am ultra sensitive, I can worry and ruminate over small things entire day and only by the morning it is when my mind is clear.

I was offered professional tuition to study something new but I think I can't handle it due to the fact that I am slow and my insufficient language knowledge. I think I might have a learning disability...

I am 34 y.o. male, taking double dose of Abilify 5mg in the morning and evening. Last time it was only one dose. I don't know if it helps. No therapy or alternative non-meds way was ever mentioned by my psychiatrist.

Hey there,

If I understand correctly you mention in the beginning having schizophrenic disorders...is it in your medical records?

It’s something that should be analyzed by a pdoc to determine whether you have schizophrenia, or some or psychiatric disorder. That being said, the things you list to me sound like something more like an anxiety disorder. Now once again, I cannot say because I am not a medical professional.

But feel free to hang out with us here or talking in Roll Call, as you can make connections with people here and discuss things.

I hope things go okay with the medical side of things for you.

sounds like social anxiety or social phobia