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Old 01-05-2019, 03:35 PM #1
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Default hostility

I feel very hostile all the time and have thoughts and imagined conversations and rants in my head that I can barely handle and it's distressing. what can I do to feel better right now?

I decided I would enroll in therapy for the first time next week but I don't see how I can even go out of the house with this going on.

I tried some deep breathing exercises and it was an epic failure. I can't concentrate on the TV. The most I can do much of the time is just lie down.

I've taken risperdal or invega for many, many years but it seems hopelessly disappointing and ineffective.

I also use a light therapy lamp for depression and sorry to say this is a trigger for what's going on now.

I'm currently diagnosed with major depression but I also have a history of paranoid schizophrenia.
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Old 01-05-2019, 07:16 PM #2
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Smile Re: hostility

Hello needadvicenow: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. I'm sorry you are struggling with all of this. I'm glad you've enrolled in therapy. I do think it may be important for you to attend. Perhaps there is someone who could accompany you at least to your first appointment?

You mentioned having taken Risperdal or Invega for many years but they seem hopelessly disappointing & ineffective. It is true, I believe, that the effectiveness of psych med's can change over time. Perhaps it's time to consider talking to your prescriber about a med change?

You mentioned you're currently diagnosed with major depression but that you have a history of paranoid schizophrenia. I'm not a mental health professional. And so I don't know how those two conditions, either individually or together, might be playing into what you are currently experiencing. I also tend to feel hostile a lot of the time & have a lot of angry intrusive thoughts, imagined conversations & rants going on in my head. I presume a lot of it simply has to do with generalized anxiety which is something I struggle with. In my case I try to simply "sit" with what I experience day-in & day-out. It is a practice that is referred to as "compassionate abiding". Here's a link to a description of the practice:

Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything

And then here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of coping with such things as painful emotions & intrusive thoughts:

How to Sit with Painful Emotions

8 Tips For Dealing With Painful Emotions | Cultivating Contentment & Happiness

Several Ways to Sit with Your Feelings

A Technique for Feeling Painful Feelings

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...sive-thoughts/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...sive-thoughts/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 01-05-2019, 08:32 PM #3
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Default Re: hostility

I have schizoaffective with bipolar symptoms. My mania is rage which sounds a lot like your hostility maybe? For that there are 2 options, moodstabilzers like lithium or lamictal, or other just use an atypical antipsychotic. Usually people use a mood stabilizer as your primary and an AP as their second line of defense. I just use antipsychotics though.
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Old 01-06-2019, 10:02 PM #4
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Default Re: hostility

I'm convinced now I have bipolar disorder triggered by the light therapy and antidepressants. The worst of it subsided now that I stopped the light therapy today. I wrote out notes to give the therapist. I see my psychiatrist in a couple weeks.

It is like rage and it's happened for years now but I couldn't figure out it might be defined as mania until I got so disturbed about it finally. I was confused for years about the definition of mania and bipolar disorder.

Tonight I'm upset about how I've suffered from this for years now and tried to get treatment but they hopelessly did the wrong thing. In around 2015 one doctor wanted to double up antipsychotics for the way I tried to describe the problem, and his supervisor instead doubled up antidepressants by adding Wellbutrin to Lexapro. Well this is the wrong thing in the biggest way because antidepressants are what I'm sure now are triggering it.

I'm relieved now to see other people have rage and hostility and I'm not the only one.

I want to try a mood stabilizer.
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Old 01-06-2019, 10:16 PM #5
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Default Re: hostility

I don't know if I should ask to change the antipsychotic after I hopefully get a mood stabilizer. I'll have to think about that one.
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Old 01-07-2019, 08:45 AM #6
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Default Re: hostility

I got something helpful out of the abiding thing this morning. I don't know what it's talking about but I skimmed over it and got an idea.
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Old 01-18-2019, 12:42 PM #7
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Default Re: hostility

I'm still trying to do these. I think it's helpful, thanks.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:04 PM #8
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Default Re: hostility

I personally do not think antidepressants triggered bipolar disorder. I think the wrong antidepressant can certainly exacerbate bipolar or schizophrenia but I do not think they can cause them. I can say IME SSRI's are not good for bipolar. I believe that SNRI's are more effective and that they should be combined with a mood stabilizer. I also think an antipsychotic is essential even if you do not have psychotic symptoms.
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Old 01-19-2019, 01:30 PM #9
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Default Re: hostility

welcome to pc

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello needadvicenow: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. I'm sorry you are struggling with all of this. I'm glad you've enrolled in therapy. I do think it may be important for you to attend. Perhaps there is someone who could accompany you at least to your first appointment?

You mentioned having taken Risperdal or Invega for many years but they seem hopelessly disappointing & ineffective. It is true, I believe, that the effectiveness of psych med's can change over time. Perhaps it's time to consider talking to your prescriber about a med change?

You mentioned you're currently diagnosed with major depression but that you have a history of paranoid schizophrenia. I'm not a mental health professional. And so I don't know how those two conditions, either individually or together, might be playing into what you are currently experiencing. I also tend to feel hostile a lot of the time & have a lot of angry intrusive thoughts, imagined conversations & rants going on in my head. I presume a lot of it simply has to do with generalized anxiety which is something I struggle with. In my case I try to simply "sit" with what I experience day-in & day-out. It is a practice that is referred to as "compassionate abiding". Here's a link to a description of the practice:

Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything

And then here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of coping with such things as painful emotions & intrusive thoughts:

How to Sit with Painful Emotions

8 Tips For Dealing With Painful Emotions | Cultivating Contentment & Happiness

Several Ways to Sit with Your Feelings

A Technique for Feeling Painful Feelings

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...sive-thoughts/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...sive-thoughts/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 01-26-2019, 03:25 AM #10
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Default Re: hostility

I do the same stuff.. especially having imagined arguments in my head and just ranting
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