Roll Call 143

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019 at 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Im so lost. Im so incredibly lost.

Idk what to do with my life. I have no idea. I just wish i knew what to do. Im lost.

Same Newtus. Really.. same..

I'm just watching this video of a guitar version of summertime sadness.. YouTube .. wishing I could play guitar as good as that.

cogladaid · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:03 PM

I’m having those thoughts again go off your meds go off your meds go off your meds there are messages in music and you’re missing them go off your meds.

I missed my meds last night just went to sleep too tired and missed them. I was fine today except for the thoughts above. I took them tonight.

Erti · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:06 PM

that was a beautiful youtube video tweaky

Erti · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

I’m having those thoughts again go off your meds go off your meds go off your meds there are messages in music and you’re missing them go off your meds.

I missed my meds last night just went to sleep too tired and missed them. I was fine today except for the thoughts above. I took them tonight.

@cogladaid

stay on your medication. you're on them for a reason.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:26 PM

Possible trigger:

My mom is really drunk and having an existential crisis. She's an alcoholic like my dad but my dad seems to manage it well. She's saying that my sister and I are being mean to her for telling her she has a problem. She shouldn't be drinking a bottle of wine a day or more. This time she drank way more than 3 glasses of wine. I'm afraid that she is going to have a heart arrythmia. She's probably drinking with her ativan but I'm afraid to say anything. I feel basically powerless because my anhedonia and mom is the one that takes care of me. I'm not used to taking care of her

Erti · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Possible trigger:

My mom is really drunk and having an existential crisis. She's an alcoholic like my dad but my dad seems to manage it well. She's saying that my sister and I are being mean to her for telling her she has a problem. She shouldn't be drinking a bottle of wine a day or more. This time she drank way more than 3 glasses of wine. I'm afraid that she is going to have a heart arrythmia. She's probably drinking with her ativan but I'm afraid to say anything. I feel basically powerless because my anhedonia and mom is the one that takes care of me. I'm not used to taking care of her

maybe when she's not drinking suggest to her a counselor she can go see.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

maybe when she's not drinking suggest to her a counselor she can go see.

She says she's lonely and so my sister is going to cuddle with her because she's going to sleep. She keeps asking us if she's a bad mother.

Well.. idk.. She put my step dad before me for everything. All the **** I was going through. It's like she's delusionally obsessed with being in love and her kids are second. Always looking for boyfriends online or something.

I told her she's a good mother. But jesus is longing for a lover that strong for the average person or is it just her? I don't get it.

But yeah I'll talk to her in the morning because she's a completely different person while drunk. Like night and day. It's like she completely loses her mind at night when she's finished work.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:40 PM

I gave her a hug and said she's not a bad mother..

Erti · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:42 PM

sounds like your mom is lonely and looking for love in all the wrong places. her kids should come first. i think she's looking for something her kids can't give her, a romantic relationship.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019 at 11:59 PM

My dad was having fun travelling the world. After my step dad attacked me my step dad wanted ME to move out instead and my mom had to think about that decision before she decided to put me first, but instead, she was always at my step dad's house after that. I basically had no one while growing up but my sociopathic step dad.

Possible trigger:

My step dad took me fishing (To get my approval so he could stay with my mom) and I was in the passenger seat next to him in the dark picking opioid capsules out of my pocket and snorting them while he wasn't looking. I can't believe I didn't get caught. I barely even cared if I got caught. Then I went in the back seat and took an extremely high dose of shrooms. He caught me and then when we got back, he told me to sleep it off. He wouldn't have cared if I died. My mom caught me because I had the hiccups and brought me to the psych ward again.

Before I OD'd on clonazepam, I was psychotic and ran to my step dads house and knocked on their door and they wouldn't answer. I thought that they were going to kill me and that an artery in my stomach was going to explode and kill me

.

This is all starting to make sense kind of. But ignore me I'm just trying to make sense of things..

Erti · Feb 01, 2019 at 12:26 AM

i'm sorry your stepdad was an asshole.

Desoxyn · Feb 01, 2019 at 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

i'm sorry your stepdad was an asshole.

It ok I feel better now than I was. I want to take my moms car for a spin! I did it before! I should get my license first tho..

Erti · Feb 01, 2019 at 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

It ok I feel better now than I was. I want to take my moms car for a spin! I did it before! I should get my license first tho..

wait until you get your license... do you wanna spend time in jail? lol

ofthevalley · Feb 01, 2019 at 09:18 AM

Morning. Eating breakfast. I finished work at 9! When I’m done I’m going to snuggle up with dogs and some serial killers by candlelight. Hopefully get some sleep. The last couple nights have been rough.

Blue_Bird · Feb 01, 2019 at 11:49 AM

Woke up highly agitated and anxious but I feel better now. I took a shower and talked myself through it. Now I'm relaxing with my cats and have a butterscotch scented wax cube meeting

Findingreason · Feb 01, 2019 at 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Woke up highly agitated and anxious but I feel better now. I took a shower and talked myself through it. Now I'm relaxing with my cats and have a butterscotch scented wax cube meeting

I'm glad you're feeling better now.

newtus · Feb 01, 2019 at 11:55 AM

Morning

I took my meds

Blue_Bird · Feb 01, 2019 at 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

Morning. Eating breakfast. I finished work at 9! When I’m done I’m going to snuggle up with dogs and some serial killers by candlelight. Hopefully get some sleep. The last couple nights have been rough.

Hope you get some sleep

The sentence "snuggle up with dogs and serial killers by candlelight" made me laugh

I know what you're talking about though, the documentaries lol

newtus · Feb 01, 2019 at 12:04 PM

I slept good. I needed that so bad. I cried and cried yesterday.

I need to figure out what im gonna do about all this.

Blue_Bird · Feb 01, 2019 at 01:16 PM

Went to the library for awhile to get out of the house for a bit. Checked out some books and DVDs

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Roll Call 143

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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Jan 31, 2019 at 11:03 PM #42 I’m having those thoughts again go off your meds go off your meds go off your meds there are messages in music and you’re missing them go off your meds. I missed my meds last night just went to sleep too tired and missed them. I was fine today except for the thoughts above. I took them tonight.

Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Jan 31, 2019 at 11:06 PM #43 that was a beautiful youtube video tweaky

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Jan 31, 2019 at 11:40 PM #48 I gave her a hug and said she's not a bad mother..

Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Jan 31, 2019 at 11:42 PM #49 sounds like your mom is lonely and looking for love in all the wrong places. her kids should come first. i think she's looking for something her kids can't give her, a romantic relationship.

Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Feb 01, 2019 at 12:26 AM #51 i'm sorry your stepdad was an asshole.

ofthevalley Legendary Member Since Feb 2015 Location: USA Posts: 11,326 (SuperPoster!) 9 499 hugs given	Feb 01, 2019 at 09:18 AM #54 Morning. Eating breakfast. I finished work at 9! When I’m done I’m going to snuggle up with dogs and some serial killers by candlelight. Hopefully get some sleep. The last couple nights have been rough. __________________ Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Feb 01, 2019 at 11:55 AM #57 Morning I took my meds __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Feb 01, 2019 at 12:04 PM #59 I slept good. I needed that so bad. I cried and cried yesterday. I need to figure out what im gonna do about all this. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Feb 01, 2019 at 01:16 PM #60 Went to the library for awhile to get out of the house for a bit. Checked out some books and DVDs __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi