Roll Call 143

Does it come with any side effects? How well does it work for you?

I first started it at 900mg, I got really dizzy for the first few weeks and had some balance problems. After a year it was upped to 1200mg. At first wth this dose I experienced extreme tiredness. I could hardly get out of bed for a couple of weeks but that went away. It helps me now. Certainly keeps me from experiencing any euphoria which is miss.

Im so sorry bluebird

For what its worth im almost losing my faith too. I dont pray like i want to anymore. Never really have but i feel less connected with god. I keep pushing him back and away from my life. It doesnt help that the bf doesnt believe. Thats a huge downside for me in this relationship. But idk. I need faith and strength again. I tell myself every week im gonna goto church and i just cant. I cant bring myself to do it. It hurts too much spiritually for me to go. I know if i go ill cry and i just want to cry alone.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Thanks Newtus

I'm sorry you're struggling with your faith too.

I used to feel so connected to God and my faith. I actually haven't been to church in several months now. I feel nothing when I pray now. I know it's about faith and not feelings but it's hard since I really was serious in my spiritual life before. I felt emotionally connected. I pray, I feel nothing. I go to church I feel nothing. I literally went to midnight mass this year, my favorite thing ever which normally awes me and makes me feel so wonderful being there. I felt nothing this time

My spirituality has gone down the drain recently.

A friend of mine goes to this church in Charlotte.....they put their sermons online, you might want to check it out.

Sermons - Elevation Church

There's a good book by Viktor Frankl named "Man's Search for Meaning". It doesn't quite tell you what each person's meaning is, but it's the story of a Jew during the holocaust who was in teh worst concentration camps, even Auswitz, and the only reason they kept him around really is that he had a medical mind. He lost his family to the bad guys, but he never lost hope, and he found that if we can attach meaning to our lives then we become stronger, more focused, and more willful.

Mine was to become a philosophy professor and pass on my knowledge, curiosity, and doubt to a younger generation while tapping into the aesthetic domain. As everyone knows, I lit that dream on fire, and after I earned enough credits to graduate and left the university life, I was very suicidal. My emotions were out of this world, but I decided I'd start to "try and write" without having any training on how to write a novel. I started one book, where God asks Faust to come back into the mortal realm and teach a clever child. It's interesting to go back and read the fragments.

I eventually scrapped it, but I kept a word file on my smart phone and kept on jotting down notes until something crystalized, which became my novel that's 99% done. Even after that book is completed I have the 2nd half, and then another book i wrote an outline for called Torch, the title being a sort of double entendre.

Nobody will finish my books, so i have to stick around and finish them myself i guess. It gives me meaning and a way to pass on what I've learned in an aesthetic way. It might be better to do writing, rather than teaching, because I wont have collected another 30k in debt the way im doing it right now.

People typically find meaning when connecting themselves with the whole of humanity, either through, religion, art, truth, or love.. These are the only ones i can think about right now. I'm sure there are others, but Im just being general right now. Have you read the bible yet? I have a Scofield bible that helps me interpret what the bigger messages in the bible there are. I have the NKJV version that helps me a lot. This new version is very well translated, it's just updated some of the language so that we can understand more.

One thing I find interesting is in the book of John where they start out with "In the beginning was the Word." It is translated out of the Greek with "logos". Logos means many things, including mind, word, or reason. I think it's more fitting for it to be reason, because the first thing a human being does when constructing something is find a reason to do so. Plus reasons are interesting thigns, they are the first in conception, and last in design as it is finished. In other words, reasons are the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, just like christ is.

Tiredness is something I could use... and it may be a better alternative than Seroquel... I'm going to have a shat with my psychiatrist over this in a vouple months then...

Why does it bring pain? Why will you cry? It's never to late to start going, so itll be there when you're ready! I go about once a year with my grandmother and mother while i visit them in Florida.

Good luck having a "shat" with your doctor

I hope if you get on Trileptal it helps you DT

I think it brings pain because ive neglected my faith so much.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Just know it's never too late to change your mind. Which branch of Christianity do you connect with?

My sister reassured me and then we started talking about what we were studying and the past and stuff and why I feel depressed.

Spent some time tonight learning how songs are made. That seems to bring some spirituality back.

Do something you like doing.

I'm thinking of taking language arts classes along with philosophy (Thoughts), psychology (How people behave) and pharmacology (Something else off in the distance of my future) to learn about story structure (Should start reading books eventually), the emotions people have in life.

This is why I like talking to strangers and listening to what they say, also to talk about what I've been thinking about life, to get feedback as well.

Anthropology makes sense of the world and time in history and life about what people do, what I do.

It's like everything I'm doing is building up to something for the future but I have no idea what it is. So I'll just keep going. Working also makes me think about what work I want to do in the future, gives me experience. It was all experience to know what jobs I hated and what types I don't want to be stuck in for the rest of my life.

Morning.

Woke up at 3am because I fell asleep at 6pm.

Supposed to see my therapist today, if I can get a ride. Will be my first time talking with him since discharging from partial hospital.

I had 3 things occur on my way to the college today. First, a random guy asked me if I would pray for him. Then, there was something going on because there was a guy down the street dressed up as Jesus and they had a large wooden cross and stuff set up, then coming in here on the freecycle table there was a little booklet called the Christmas Code: Daily Devotions for Celebrating the Advent Season , and I decided to take it.

I think it's a sign

I didn't want to come to school today. But I made myself come, I have to at least make an effort even if I am struggling with keeping motivated and staying on top of assignments.

Morning. Happy Thursday...we’re almost there.
Just browsing the web for dresses and shoes for a wedding in June. I’m excited to dress up!
Nothing else going on. Going to run by my guys place later and probably grab a cappuccino.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety