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Old 03-26-2019, 08:29 PM #71
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I wanted to do some extra things today, but they would make me feel hungry. my new diet is quite delicate. I have to use my calories wisely. than again, i did exercise a lot, today.
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Old 03-27-2019, 09:37 AM #72
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my mom cooked today! time to sneak some food . . . heh. she'll probably offer me some anyways, like always. i'll cook some beans and combine it with some of her rice. i'll add some of my oats too. not the funnest breakfast, but eh. i'm just beginning a new diet, so it won't be fun until I adapt to it.



she cooked meat too, but I don't need it much. i got beans and olives.


whenever I don't have time to cook or even prepare a proper meal, I'd buy cookies from the store. it was like a food to help counter stress too. With my new diet/budget though, I can't really afford that anymore. Instead, I might just buy a quick can of soup. though cold soup isn't quite comforting. maybe a can of pasta.
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Old 03-29-2019, 01:01 PM #73
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my mom has me cooking for her, especially when i was thinking of napping. I hope she doesn't make this a habit.


I like getting free food, but not when I have to cook it and then wash the dishes. also, she harasses me if I don't cook the food right. I would sooner just eat a can of soup than cook dinner.


If she complains about the food, I'm just going to say that she better be careful that I don't accidentally improperly cook the food and have her bedridden from work for days. I'm not qualified to cook, and I don't need to cook becuase my main diet usually only needs a microwave or boiling.
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Old 03-30-2019, 12:56 PM #74
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I've been reprimanded on some public chatroom website for treating women differently than others, like sharing communications of dating and romancing women. I myself have realized that I treat women differently than others, but I feel that such mistreatment is not from my conscious alone.

Rather I feel my religion and society has some influence on my discriminant behavior. For instance, women go to different bathrooms than men. if women and men were to be treated equally, why don't they share the same public bathrooms? why do some christians approve men dating women, but not men dating men? I know certain environments where if I behaved towards men in the same way I behave towards women, I would be attacked by religious persons.

Why does my society build laws identifying and concerning marriage or marital status, especially excluding homosexuals, when marriage is simply a voluntary and random union between two people? if i kiss a random lady outside, why should my society give me benefits for that or identify me as a "spouse?"

So changing my romantic poetic personality around women would probably not be easy, if my local society and religion both influence that personality. And so it might be best for me to seek extra help with this, like joining some online group. Maybe I can join some online group of singles.
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Old 03-31-2019, 04:50 PM #75
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mom came home and yelled at me, so I took a walk to the hospital to avoid her. Sundays are the roughest days because the library's closed.


I'm going to try my best to document whenever my mom yells at me or makes me feel unsafe. I might try to have a 24/7 audio monitor to record her yelling at me. she has a history of hurting me when i was a kid.



I was going to publish the incidents with mailed postcards throughout my neighborhood, but that's expensive and could be illegal in some instances. Instead, I'm going to dedicate a half hour to finding volunteer opportunities and talking to other local volunteers about the incidents.
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Old 03-31-2019, 05:15 PM #76
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redCanine3669 View Post
mom came home and yelled at me, so I took a walk to the hospital to avoid her. Sundays are the roughest days because the library's closed.


I'm going to try my best to document whenever my mom yells at me or makes me feel unsafe. I might try to have a 24/7 audio monitor to record her yelling at me. she has a history of hurting me when i was a kid.



I was going to publish the incidents with mailed postcards throughout my neighborhood, but that's expensive and could be illegal in some instances. Instead, I'm going to dedicate a half hour to finding volunteer opportunities and talking to other local volunteers about the incidents.
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Old 03-31-2019, 09:46 PM #77
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nope. too expensive. some of them won't even accept medicaid or medicare.



Sundays are the worst days, honestly. Even the libraries closed. I had planned to stay at a Subway restaurant on Sundays, but it costs money. though I could probably deduct it from the rent as "medical expenses," because rent comes from my SSI that depends on my mental illness anyways.


tomorrow, i'm going to give my mom 20$ less than what i usually give maybe. if she complains., I'll say it was deducted from my SSI as "medical expenses" after going to the hospital yesterday.
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Old 04-01-2019, 05:29 PM #78
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the atm at the bank gave me a ripped 100$ bill. I was going to go back there and get a new 100$ bill. If they refused, I was going to protest outside their bank, warning people of the faulty atm machines. 100$ is a lot to me: it's pretty much a month's-worth of food.


I gave mom the reduced rent, saying that it was reduced due to "medical expenses." she then said I should try getting medicaid or medicare. that's funny. I'll try it, but my having SSI will probably not give me priority for any of those benefits.
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Old 04-01-2019, 06:02 PM #79
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I've returned to poetry. it's very therapeutic.
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Old 04-25-2019, 11:55 PM #80
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I've been fasting two days a week. but it comes with consequences: i exercise less and am less productive.



Also, I'm pretty sure fasting isn't the healthiest thing for me: I've been on a fixed-calorie daily diet. Not eating calories, for an entire day, is probably not natural for my body. what does my body use for energy, if I'm not consuming calories for 24 hours? I think my body compensates by eating more that usual on the days after fasting.


I've found affordable cookies to eat when I'm feeling stressed or calorie-deficient on busy days. They are a quarter of the price of oreos and chips ahoy, probably because they are generic. they have a lot of saturated fat though, and could be less healthy than oreos and chips ahoy.


Oh well, I usually only buy cookies whenever I'm very stressed or don't have enough time to plan a healthy meal because of random distractions. I usually also only buy cookies after promising myself that I'll buy healthier food the next day.

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