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Old 04-26-2019, 12:18 AM #81
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Default Re: coping with schizophrenia

I was going to focus on being a security guard, but I found out that security guards can be disqualified for having a mental disability.


Again, I want to focus on transportation work. In transportation work, I don't need to worry about being disqualified for a mental illness. I want to run a business where I'm delivering groceries to physically disabled people and the elderly, but starting a business isn't easy. So instead, I'm probably just going to apply for whatever entry-level jobs are available, regardless of industry or trade.



I can probably get some employment network to help pay for my transportation to and fro interviews.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:58 AM #82
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I haven't been commenting on women's photos on Instagram. I'm proud of that, as it shows I've gained more self-control. Then again, I haven't been writing much romance. Next week, I'll be writing more romance and so might try to communicate on Instagram. But I've got blocked a lot on Instagram, so I need to seriously consider that. Getting randomly blocked by multiple people on Instagram is damaging to my social health. And there are healthier ways for me to express myself, outside of Instagram.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:27 PM #83
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as I read more about the local law, I've been feeling a bit more and more insecure about employment. The local law has wuite a bit of expectations for employers and businesses, which might be passed onto employees. There are 3 levels of law where I live: city, state, and federal. they seem to each have their own share of expectations on employers and businesses.

those laws are so extensive that I can understand why some people make money online. It's nearly impossible or illegal to make money through local self-employment. and local employers might have unreal expectations for employees because of pressure from city, state, and federal business laws.
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:08 PM #84
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this 24-hour fast is nearly done. Just 3 more hours. I have an emergency meal prepared for midnight. Until then, I drink water.
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Old 04-27-2019, 07:57 PM #85
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yesterday I fasted. I couldn't go to sleep until about 7am today. I remember having sleep issues during other fasts too. I think fasting affects my sleep and sleep hygiene, maybe because I have difficulty sleeping on an empty stomach.


I also feel really hungry today. maybe this is because of the calorie shortage that I predicted before.


All of these events can be a consequence of the fact that I honestly went 24 hours without food. this was a true 24-hour fast, unlike previous "fasts" where my mom fortunately shared some food with me.


Well the lack of sleep stressed me out today. So I ended up buying cookies. Pretty much reversed my efforts of saving money from the fast.


It's important that I get sleep on weekends because mom usually plays loud electronics or gives me chores all day. So fasting on Friday won't be wise, if I'm not getting adequate sleep. A lack of food isn't hard to adapt to, but adding a lack of sleep can really hurt my productivity, sleep hygiene, and health. I tend to get more agitated when lacking sleep.


So instead of fasting on Friday, it might be best for me to fast on Tuesday. I tend to have better sleep and sleep opportunities on weekdays.
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Old 04-28-2019, 10:35 PM #86
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I can't fast on Sundays. Weekends are times of uncertain sleep, even because mom plays loud music or gives chores at unpredictable hours. I can't afford to be both sleep-deficient and food-deprived on weekends. That's too much stress.


Instead of fasting on Tuesdays and Sundays, I will fast on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is very unfortunate though, because the weekdays are when I'm most productive. When I fast, I sacrifice productivity to ensure that I can endure the lack of food.

But I can adjust my schedule around these new fast days, to not lose any productivity.
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Old 04-28-2019, 10:55 PM #87
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I think my mom owns land, but I don't think she's paid for it as much as she bought it with a loan or mortgage: she has three jobs.



if she passes away before paying for the land, her creditors might take it. but at that point, i feel I can probably finish paying off the loan or mortgage by renting out rooms. I believe land is very lucrative and valuable, if marketed well. land is also a foundation for shelter, which is one of my needs and animals' needs. I can even grow food on land, satisfying another one of my needs.
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Old 04-29-2019, 09:02 PM #88
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I had a nightmare that a queen killed me for hiding a criminal. was a nightmare because I thought i could persuade her to not kill me. I like women a lot and won't fight them. also I fear authority, though I shouldn't fear anything of earth.
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:55 AM #89
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Well I've got no soap. It seems I have to choose between soap and food. meh. Sounds like a good time to get food from the local churches. Even one day of church food can save me enough money to buy soap for a month or two, I think. I wouldn't fast for small things like soap and hygiene.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:53 PM #90
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I'm considering not fasting anymore. A long time ago, I considered fasting. But I decided to not do so because I believe my body requires a daily minimum amount of calories. So even if I fast, I would probably end up spending more money or buying more food when not fasting, to compensate for the days of fast.

I also didn't want to fast because my mom requires me to do chores at unpredictable times. She's getting old and more needy. It's not fun to lift things and do strenuous activities with no calories. It's very stressful. And to avoid my mom, sometimes I walk to the library: but when I fast, I'm suppose to be as dormant as possible, to conserve calories and energy. So whether I'm doing chores or dodging chores, I do activity with no calories. Doing activities, with no food, can even lead to my injury.

The only reason I began fasting was because it seemed like a quick way to fix my food budget. And it probably is, without mom. But if I can't fast, how am I to handle my food budget? Well i have 2 plans. I can go to local churches for food or I can re-apply for food benefits. The church idea sounds less practical: they might be hesitant to give me food because I don't have my own family. Some churches expect to be feeding families, and probably not individuals. I can still try though.

The latter plan would be my re-applying for food benefits. When my food stamp was being reviewed, I couldn't prove that I was paying 400$ for rent, because the room rent lease was expired and I would have had to ask mom for a letter. Mom was likely to not give or sign any letter, just like how she didn't help me secure food stamp when I was first applying.

But this time, I can probably present some ultimatum or deal. I will request her to sign papers confirming her rent requirements. If she refuses, I will inform her that my inability to prove rent expenses might lower my other expense-dependent benefits, as those social service providers might assume I'm not paying rent. Then I will pay 300$ instead of 400$ for rent, until she signs the papers. I can use the extra 100$ to feed myself.

I'll try the church idea first though, as there's not much guarantee that the government will feed me.
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