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Default Feb 24, 2019 at 07:49 PM
  #41
thanks Sometimes psychotic. I might reconsider the closest NAMI NYC, though it's miles away. I might try 7cups again too.

thanks downandlonely. I might try that alliance. I should honestly apply for Medicaid, even if some doctors treat me differently for having it.
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Default Feb 24, 2019 at 08:03 PM
  #42
A lot of nami offices are on public transit lines whether bus or train, or at least that’s how it is here. Medicaid is actually pretty good insurance and will reduce your costs substantially if you want to see a Traditional therapist. I’m getting onto Medicaid now, it takes some time though....

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Default Feb 24, 2019 at 08:08 PM
  #43
I hope you get medicaid soon
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Default Feb 25, 2019 at 01:48 PM
  #44
I took a 36-minute shower, far from 25 minutes. I need to buy my own soap and use my own hair shampoo. both would make my shower more quick.
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Default Feb 26, 2019 at 03:42 PM
  #45
I'm going to focus on one self-employment business rather than two self-employment businesses. Having multiple jobs might be simple for some people: even my mom has two jobs. but a self-employment is a lot more than a job. self-employment requires research into industry, population, supply, demand, competition, and my neighborhood. self-employment also requires promotion and advertisement. So it might be easier for someone to have multiple jobs, but it might not be easy for someone to have multiple self-employment businesses.
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Default Feb 27, 2019 at 02:42 PM
  #46
my mom wants me to try to get a paraprofessional job. national statistics show that mostly black females get that job, so i might not get hired. It's part of the childcare and education business where colored men are rare. I tried being a local babysitter some time ago, only to be rejected by some childcare network. there are also employers who'd hire an individual for his interview attire rather than his trade skills or experience, which is why I pursue self-employment where my appearance or background has less influence on my work.


I wanted to do other jobs like refuse and recyclable material collecting or working with the New York City Department of Sanitation, but mom threatened to evict me if I got such jobs. She doesn't care too much about my financial well-being.

I'm going to try to apply for this paraprofessional job, but not with much effort. I'll just do the bare minimum of what mom wants, since I'm religiously suppose to honor her, but I'll continue focusing on more promising opportunities.

the unfortunate part is that mom will be harassing me along the way. and in the end, she'll blame me when I don't get hired. But at least I can predict her harassment and I have safe ways to handle it without thinking of hurting her. I'll be singing at the park, as well as spending less time at home where she harasses me.

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Default Feb 27, 2019 at 11:46 PM
  #47
i have to recertify my SNAP benefits.

the annoying bit is that I have to list everyone who lives with me and their incomes. I know somewhat about my mom's two occupations, so I guess I can make an honest estimate.

I was thinking of just excluding her from my application, but I might get in trouble for that. Her being in my application might have an influence on my SNAP benefit amount, and I can get in legal trouble and debt with the governments by withholding important facts.


Her income's a lot, since she works a lot. I'm hoping they just lower my food stamp rather than cut it. I doubt they'd cut it because I haven't found work yet, though they might get me work in exchange. But I wouldn't be upset if they lower my food stamp because mom does give me food sometimes and I can get food from local pantries, kitchens, and banks.
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Default Feb 28, 2019 at 10:00 AM
  #48
I played a lot of nintendo games when i was a kid. I've been seeing some nintendo and playstation video games on youtube, since I don't have money or time to play video games.

Most games that I've watch have some references to some other nation. My younger brother first noted this when I was younger. I've been a bit paranoid about that, since then. but I know that some video games are just games and don't have any cultural, racial, or national purpose.

Still, when I go onto youtube, a lot of people seem to underline the cultural, racial, and national features of video games. It's not too comfortable as I like video games for their ability to help me escape from reality. It's a bit dull when I see a video game and then get reminded about real-life. The least entertaining thing of a video game (in my opinion) is its cultural, racial, and national features.


I also don't like those features because I feel they might misinform me. For me, a video game is not as good of a source of cultural, racial, and national information as a book. I have a fear of unconsciously confusing cultural, racial or national information from what I observe through video games.

I think I'm going to look into Xbox video games, as the Xbox is a video game console of my homeland. but eh, I don't know. I feel most of my homeland's video games are quite military, like Halo and Call of Duty, which isn't too entertaining for me. I'm especially not too fond of video games where females are brutally killed or assaulted.
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Default Feb 28, 2019 at 06:07 PM
  #49
well it was bound to happen: I'm going to get medically reviewed for SSI.

At first, I was a bit scared. I don't fear not having SSI as much as I fear living with my mom without it. Mom would definitely harass me more, and my thoughts of destroying her would worsen.


In November, I was in the psych ward because I thought I had rabies, even after the doctors confirmed that I didn't. Other than that, I can't remember another recent time that I've been hospitalized. I know I'm still mentally ill, though that fact isn't enough to ensure I'd get SSI, where I live. And I know many mentally ill people who work.


I'm going to take a break from poetry, to double my hours of employment planning. I can do as much poetry as I want, after I've confirmed my financial status in April.

There's a Ticket To Work program that can postpone my SSI application decision. The program helps me gain employment through employer and federal contractor networking. I tried doing it before, but I felt more confident in self-employment. Now I will try it again, as doing so would also extend my SSI period.


If I don't get work by April and if I don't get SSI, I will try to join the army. Since I'm mentally ill, it probably won't work; but I'll try. There might be a difference between my being mentally ill and the federal government's confirmation of my mental illness, especially if I don't get SSI. I'm pretty sure I'll die immediately in the army, as I also have poor eyesight, which also explains my disinterest in providing local protection services. Though I might google some information about the army, to see if I can find some work outside of the battlefield.
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Default Feb 28, 2019 at 07:26 PM
  #50
I've been struggling with finding ways to communicate with others. I've been trying to find positive social experiences with my local community, to counter negative social experiences with my mom. This has been challenging because it requires an understanding of human beings, discrimination, and my schizophrenia.

I've had some idea earlier about hiring tutors, and communicating with those tutors, as a possible method of communication. It felt a bit random and expensive though, so I dismissed it. But now I feel there's a good reason to pursue that idea. Back when I was watching some videos about work; I was informed of different forms of work including employment, volunteering, and college study.


I was also told that work had many benefits including meeting new people. At first, I thought that was a strange benefit. But now I'm realizing that it could be a key for me to communicate with my local community.

tutoring is the least expensive association to college study, where I live. I can probably pay for an hour of tutoring per week, which isn't much. I can probably get tutors to proofread my old poetry or to teach me Spanish. In between, I guess I'll find small ways to communicate with them. the key isn't so much about communication as it's about having positive social experiences with them.


I'm still volunteering and trying to find employment. But I know that employment and volunteerism doesn't guarantee communication or a social environment and can result in more negative social experiences. Trying to be social at work could even cost a job, in certain situations. My mental illness makes socializing more difficult than normal.

I can communicate and have positive social experiences with a local therapist or counselor, but that's quite expensive. This might be where applying for Medicaid might help. The tutoring idea is a lot cheaper though, so I might try it first.

I've realized that I might have to pay to meet some needs, just like how people pay for food and shelter, especially if my mental illness impedes conventional economic ways of meeting those needs.
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Default Mar 02, 2019 at 09:29 AM
  #51
I was watching Prince of Persia gameplay on youtube. The video game is about marriage, so it's weird and uncomfortable.
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Default Mar 02, 2019 at 08:32 PM
  #52
There's some scene in a video game where some lady encounters a random man and goes on some adventure with him. Women don't work like that, unless they want to risk a disease or something. Video games are funny.

I'm more hungry than usual today. I think it's because I did too much physical activity. I usually only aim for 38 minutes of walking. but today, I shoveled snow for 22 minutes. then I took a 49-minute walk between the check-cashing place and post office. Snow shoveling is also considered high-intensity aerobic activity.

I might have to exceed my food budget for today, but at least I know why.
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Default Mar 04, 2019 at 08:33 AM
  #53
all the snow has gotten me more active. I shoveled snow for 16 minutes. very good high-intensity aerobic activity.

my diet's been a bit bad though. also I think school's closed because of the snow storm, so mom doesn't have to work today.

yesterday was my sister's birthday.
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Default Mar 04, 2019 at 09:20 AM
  #54
I should probably start scheduling my meals to optimize my diet on days when my daily food budget is low. eating most of my food, too early in the day, can make me hungry later on and encourage me to exceed my food budget.
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 01:22 PM
  #55
the other day, I was in some public chat room talking to people when one of them brought up dating websites.

I quit dating websites for many reasons. (1) I can't prove if the women on a dating website are real or robots, especially since almost nobody responds to my messages. (2) the websites discriminate. (3) some women discriminate, even one time a lady's profile explicitly read that she prefers white men. (4) I get weird and borderline-illegal private messages of solicitation, which is disrespectful and rude

I'm happy i quit dating websites for now. I feel my social health and view of romance has improved a lot, after leaving those websites.
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 01:28 PM
  #56
I quit dating websites too. I'm bisexual, so I put that, but a lot of straight men seem to think "bisexual" means "nymphomaniac". And they only focus on the sex part. I would like to date women, but none of them are interested in me. It's only horny straight guys. So I gave it up.
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 06:33 PM
  #57
I think my mom got into a car accident, last night when she didn't come home until 6am. I overheard her say "insurance" and "hospital" while talking to my sister who was telling her to get rest. My mom works a lot, but i don't pity her too much because she spends her money on vacations and furniture while prohibiting my economic lifestyle. She works so much that I'm quite sure that she's not getting enough sleep. Sleep is important and can affect her performance, especially when driving.
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Default Mar 13, 2019 at 11:38 AM
  #58
i took a 37-minute shower, more than 25 minutes. I don't shower often, so maybe I should consider that when timing my shower. If anything, I should probably allow a 45-minute shower and a 15-minute bathroom cleanup.
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Default Mar 13, 2019 at 12:33 PM
  #59
I've been so busy and stressed this week that I've forgotten to do muscle-strengthening exercises. I need to fix my routine more, to allow time to exercise. diet and exercise are my only health insurance.
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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 09:59 PM
  #60
i'm thinking of volunteering at least 7 hours each week. volunteering would be a great way for me to enjoy time with my local community and avoid my mom.
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