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Old 02-06-2019, 05:17 AM #1
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Default coping with schizophrenia

I had some packaged delivered to my home, on Monday. But I was sorting garbage when the postman came. So I wasn't able to immediately receive it. So the online shopping website, the post office, and I have confirmed that a package came on that day.

But when I went to get the package, I couldn't find it. I asked mom about it and she said no package arrived on that day. She was acting strange though.

She's been having money issue. she's also been offended by parcels coming into the house from other roommates, complaining that they have enough money for those parcels yet don't pay her enough for rent.

Even a month or so ago, my brother called the cops on her because he was missing a package but she was not communicating with him. My brother has access to the cameras outside her house.

Also, she's very discriminatory towards me. Some people mistreat me because of my mental illness, gender, sexuality, religion, hair, skin color, race, age, economy, or height; and she's one of them.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was withholding parcels to spite us or maybe even reselling the parcels for money. Her son, my half-brother, did the same.

But I'm not going to confront her about it. I'd rather not argue with her, as that's not a good combination with my schizophrenia. Instead, I'm going to have a duplicate package delivered and held at the post office. I'm going to pay for the package with next month's rent money and tell her that the government shutdown has affected my next month's unearned income.
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Old 02-06-2019, 05:25 AM #2
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Default Re: coping with schizophrenia

Sorry about your mom. I think you are doing the right thing by not confronting her.

It also seems that you are losing pay because of the government shutdown. I'm really sorry for you and everyone else affected by it. Our government is ridiculous right now and is hurting a lot of people.
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Old 02-08-2019, 12:26 PM #3
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Default Re: coping with schizophrenia

I cleaned up today. I might get some groceries too. It's good for me to get nutrient dense foods, so that I get the most from food stamp.

I feel that one of my needs is communication. If I had better communications, then maybe my health would be a bit better. getting a therapist is expensive though. For now, I just communicate online. But if communication is truly my need, then maybe I should examine what exactly meets that need.

how much communication do I need? who do I need the communication from? what form does the communication need to be in? the more I'm able to understand this need, the better control I'll have with this need and my life.

communication might seem like a small issue now, but I feel it will have a greater effect on me later and in the future. I've had many psych wards visits in the past, and I feel at least one was due to my inability to meet my communication needs with this mental illness. I wonder if communication comes in many forms, even in the form of information. I will dedicate some daily time into understanding this need; similar to the time I dedicated to understanding my other 3 needs, food, shelter, and security.
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Old 02-08-2019, 04:02 PM #4
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Default Re: coping with schizophrenia

I feel a bit insecure about going back to exercising again. I lose calories when I exercise and so I feel that I eat more food on days that I exercise. But my food budget has been rough lately.

Exercise has been easier and more important on random days that my mom would give me food. At first I didn't want her food because it made my diet unpredictable. But I've learned to adapt and use it to my advantage. Now that my mom isn't cooking so much anymore, I need to be a bit more careful with my exercise.


I might have to re-plan my exercise such that I'm exercising on days that I have surplus food. But that seems rather random and not routine. Instead I might try to spread out my exercise more evenly throughout the week. In this way, I might adapt to daily exercise and calorie-loss, and both will be at a minimum.
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Old 02-08-2019, 05:53 PM #5
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I took a 35-mnute walk, to and fro the library. I plan to walk for 37 minutes on 4 days, strengthen my muscles on 2 days, and study exercise on 1 day of each week. Exercise is very important for my heart health and fitness. Until I start making money, diet and exercise are my only health insurance.
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:03 PM #6
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I think I need some more rest. I think mom woke me up early today. I'll get groceries later.



I feel that I could somewhat meet my communication needs by just talking with street people. I live in the city and when I go outside, I do meet people sitting on the street and such. I don't know. I should study more into my communication needs. I feel that my communication needs affect my social health and social anxiety.

Possible trigger:


My communication needs probably share some association with my financial health. I believe that money usually comes from people. So there might be a social aspect with finances. But if I don't exercise communication, my poor social health could lessen my ability to earn money.

Communication needs probably share an association with my food, shelter, and security needs. I live in a dense city where people are usually the suppliers of safe food. I also live in a city where renting is very common and shelter is usually rented from landowners. I also need security from social attackers who target people of race, skin color, religion, mental illness, sexuality, gender, economy, age, and more; where social security (from other social groups like cops, lawyers, and community leaders) is one of the most comprehensive defense. Poor social health, from lack of exercising communication, can make it more difficult for me to meet these other needs.

So my communication needs seem quite important in relation to my other needs, my financial health, and my intimate health. But just like my food needs and shelter needs, my communication needs should be met in an efficient and healthy way. when i buy food from the store, I aim for nutrient dense foods that will make me live longer and save me money. when I consider my shelter needs, I make sure the host is safe and that the house is safe from infectious pets, lead paint, poor insulation and other costly hazards. I've been in situations where I've communicated with individuals who made me feel worse and more self-harmful than before our conversation started; and this is why I've always wanted to talk with a therapist.
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Old 02-10-2019, 01:21 AM #7
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Default Re: coping with schizophrenia

I did like completely nothing on Saturday. well i did get groceries and then cooked some beans and pasta. then I had to wash dishes with my hands, as I don't know what mom did with the sponge. when I say I did completely nothing, I guess I mean poetry-wise.



speaking of poetry, I was going to read some book at the library about valentines day. but like all the books were about ladies with cowboys or muscular men, which made me lose interest. Weird. It's like me writing a book about a lady with a big chest: I wouldn't do that. Very weird.


but at least I looked into my social health and communication needs. I might analyze those things again, today. I feel they are both important, because I feel my health worsens when I ignore them. Like sometimes I have an urge to communicate with random women online, but that urge might just be a side effect of my lack of communication with people in general.
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Old 02-11-2019, 05:50 PM #8
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Trig Re: coping with schizophrenia

today, mom woke me up to complain about something. she also threatened to evict me again. I only had 6 hours of sleep because of the loud music she was playing the other night. And her eviction threat, though it has little weight as always, still made me nervous an unable to sleep.
Possible trigger:



I feel that my poor social health might've been the issue. My mom is one of my only social connections, and she discriminates against me. It's not healthy for me to be around her, and today has proven that somewhat. I might feel better if I have other healthy social connections, or connections that don't prey on me.


I will talk with a therapist. I think a therapist would be a good healthy social connection. Therapists are expensive so he'll be a temporary hire. And he'll hopefully help me find friends and stuff.

I'm also thinking of joining a book club maybe. Joining groups will help me find others to communicate with. The communication would hopefully improve my social health.


At first, I thought that I could meet my communication needs online, but (1) not many people communicate with me online, (2) online communication hasn't been too healthy for me and sometimes made me feel more self-harmful, and (3) the value of online communication feels weaker as the distance from my recipients increase.


I would feel more secure when communicating with friends in my town rather than friends of another country, because the former makes me feel that there are more friendly people within my town; just like how my mom's discrimination makes me feel that other local people are discriminant.
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Old 02-12-2019, 09:05 AM #9
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I might also just try talking to homeless persons on the streets. It's a bit tougher because of winter though. I can probably talk to some in a homeless shelter.
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:16 AM #10
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Default Re: coping with schizophrenia

well I was trying to find a therapist for communication and mental health. my search did not go so well.


there seems to be a lot of resources designated for children and families, but not for men like me. If I had money, this probably wouldn't be an issue. My city tends to give social services on either a needs or supply basis. Either I would have to be in a crisis or there would need to be available therapists to help me. Regardless I feel the strong implication that women and children are usually given priority in these situations.


I'm still going to try to get a therapist though. I might research into therapy to pinpoint the exact therapy that'll help me. I get money for my mental illness, and using that money, to improve my mental health through therapy, is a wise investment. The end goal would be for me to find and communicate with an accepting local community without therapy.
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