darned if you do, darned if you don't...

i now live in a small place, independently. OK neighborhood, I'm remarkably "stable, in recovery." OK. and yet...

the stigma of Schizophrenia haunts me, round here. cant support myself. i have far less to complain about than many 'mental patients' (i hate the term...hence the ' '). and yet...

some mental health people want to control me. "we think being a janitor at a college campus would be good, for YOUR RECOVERY." I ran it past my parents...dont do it! depressing, low wage work. I sense a plot here...to bring an "Uppity mental patient" down low, yet again. but...

my counselor is a good man. i respect him. the prescriber is...low key, off hand, although...she's all about the shiny, new pills. my meds are the same for now, but...wow. wow. no wonder health care costs are so massive in the US.

when i was broke as a joke, the cruelty from people at the clinic was obvious, blatant. now, im not broke as a joke, and...it rubs the same people the wrong way. true story. is part of 'treatment' living in poverty, controlled by clinic people? blah.

im hoping things look up. i dont see a job in my future, honestly. people dont hire 'mental patients,' and if you do get a job...expect ridicule, torment, etc. oh, and also expect to be let go if you piss anybody off.

kinda rambling, kinda...blah. I have faith, that helps. Jesus saves. Don't knock my faith, btw...share it or don't, but leave Jesus alone. but church? ha! a lot of churches are so "conservative," they hate people like me...the unemployed, the unable to make it in the rat race. since when did church people become such freaking social darwinists?

and im done. :-)

Generally don’t disclose your mental status at work...

i wouldn't, of course. its a small-ish community. long story...i am labeled. i am "that dude blah blah, now he has Schizophrenia."

welcome to my world.

I actually wanted to get some refuse and recyclable collecting job. I won't receive government benefits forever. better that job than my poverty. but my mom threatened to evict me, if I get such a job. I can still do it, but would have to consider living in a homeless shelter for a bit.