Roll Call 145

haha maybe you're manic too?

Leave the lights on.....

Tomorrow I have to identify skulls and see whether they are Gorilla, Australopithecus africanus, Australopithecus boisei, Homo erectus, Homo neandertal, Homo sapiens sapiens, Pan troglodytes

sounds difficult

Yeah it is. Later I'm gonna stop lounging around and study cuz this is how you identify the skulls..

skull
size, weight
brow ridges
sagittal crest
forehead—sloped or vertical
cranial capacity
sutures
dentition
jaw—prognathism
chin—prominent or receding
dental arcade—shape
canines—prominence
size of front vs. back teeth
posture—bipedalism
location of foramen magnum

+ I have to finish my essay on evolution

i am going to my grandmothers again, until my appointment tomorrow. Just don't feel safe alone

Idk if I feel depressed but I feel like.. a deep sadness.. My mom went to a dinner with her friends and she invited me but I didn't want to go.. now I feel alone.. I missed going skiing today because I'm sick.. But I'll go tomorrow after my morning class and energy drink!

I feel really afraid when I'm alone in a house or room. I need someone there around me in another room doing something, anything.. just existing so I don't feel alone.. Because I don't trust my thoughts.. I need constant reassurance about what is real..

hey if you want we can video chat. I wont bite i promise.

I'm staying away from video chats for a while and just sticking to writing.

It's like I have a bad memory or something when I talk.. disorganized and forget what I'm saying immediately.. yet my train of thought goes on constantly in my wake and dreams.. I forget about the previous word and just continue.. continue in thoughts.. that's why I can write them down.. Cuz I don't have to remember..

that's apart of disorganized schizophrenia for you. HUGS I hope you can get your thoughts together.

My thoughts were pretty organized on Invega + 10mg Zyprexa but I don't like too much antipsychotic.. as you know.. Like I want zero antipsychotic even though it's bad for me.. On Abilify my thoughts were so scrambled in group therapy that they were going to kick me out of the program o.o

lol why would they kick you out for that? Maybe you need the Invega and Zyprexa.

I think they meant that they would have sent me back to the acute psychiatric ward if the Invega and Zyprexa didn't work.

Maybe I need Zyprexa again instead of seroquel but then they will take my vyvanse away..

I think I'm ok the way I am. I can write. Some weird writing gift.. I will try to write my essay later.. Teacher was impressed with my ideas..

"Hi, Your ideas are really interesting, and so is your excitement. However, there are problems with this as a Reading Reflection.
The topic of evolution (vs. creation) is best covered in (next week). You are also dealing with race, but the bulk of your paper is on evolution.
Next week, you can make use of assigned readings, a requirement for Reading Reflections. You can use other readings as well, but must use assigned readings.
References must be in APA format. The Guide to References in Course Details provides examples of websites (e.g. for your "references" above), and there are other examples among the assigned readings.
When something is in a list of references, it must actually be referred to in the paper. There are many statements in your paper that seem to have come from outside sources. They must be cited.
Great ideas (repeat!) are strung together rather haphazardly. I note that the original name of your file is "unfinished"; here is your chance to finish it!"

I need to stop smoking but I can't and I'll get cancer

I quit before but right now I'm stressed and stuff.. a few months ago my mental health was much better..

that's cool. i suck at writing. i rather do math. i like to think of math as a puzzle that needs solving...

ugh mom's watching paranormal shows. Hermes says i can fly... demons are surrounding me and telling me they want to live again... they want my blood... blood suckers. **** them **** them real hard.

I was really bad at english when I was a kid but I was so good at math that I passed and even skipped a grade when I moved to Canada. Now my left and right brain has switched.. I'm more right brain now instead of left brain..

Ignore the demons. It's likely that this is our only life and paranormal things don't exist.. but everything happens for a reason.. My psychologist/psych nurse tried to talk sense into me but it seems like psychosis and manic psychosis has a missing piece attached to it.. delusions of grandeur.. disturbing thoughts.. trauma can do this.. I can't handle even low grade trauma for some reason probably because of obsessive thinking idk..

ah... I'm not sure if i'm left or right brain... I'm good at art and people say i'm very creative but i'm also good at math. idk

Demons are real... it's not psychosis. it's real... I'm not undifferentiated schizophrenic. that's what they say. I don't agree with it. the dead talk to me... demons talk to me. they want my blood... i want to give them my blood. they can live again.