Roll Call 145

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019 at 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

ah... I'm not sure if i'm left or right brain... I'm good at art and people say i'm very creative but i'm also good at math. idk

Demons are real... it's not psychosis. it's real... I'm not undifferentiated schizophrenic. that's what they say. I don't agree with it. the dead talk to me... demons talk to me. they want my blood... i want to give them my blood.

they can live again.

Maybe you need more antipsychotic.. but not 30mg-40mg haldol that's too much... clozapine..

But I know how it feels when it seems real and people tell me to take antipsychotics.. so I get that.. Just saying I know how you feel.. Like a bad shroom trip... But you learn from it.. just not all at once like this.. it's hard to read books about folklore and demons in this state but when you're not, it would be ... soz I have to go my mom's drunk..

Erti · Mar 27, 2019 at 11:34 PM

i like the geodon... it suppresses my hunger and make me lose weight. Clozapine is known to gain weight. no way i'm going on haldol again.

ok... hope your mother is alright. <3

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:06 AM

Possible trigger:

My mom needs to learn to stop drinking. She took her heart medication but I feel like that's not enough and she's going to go into heart arrythmias.

My sister is being mean to her and now my mom is crying. My sister says it's my mom's fault for having a bad knee because she went skiing anyways when the doctor told her not to. I said skiing is fun but then my sister said that then she can't go skiing in the future because she messed up her knee even worse.. fair enough.

My mom says "My daughter hates me". It's my mom's fault for getting drunk so I can't help her and feel sorry for her and her bad life decisions that she's lonely and doesn't have a man because her children aren't enough for her. She put "Her man" first before her children.

My sister is very smart. I don't know how she thinks the way she does but it's not the way that I think. My sister is very responsible and I'm not. My mom isn't responsible when she's drunk. She still takes her heart medication after she goes skiing and says "If I die, I died on the ski hill happy" like wtf? I don't understand this life..

My mom wanted her CBD oil that she brought in the door and I took it back to the car and went with my sister to get tissues. She was calling me to bring it back. I came in the door and she said "Did I bring my CBD oil back?" and I said no.. She didn't even remember that I put it in the car.. I said that it would make her heart beat fast but she doesn't care.

This is really sad and my mom is like a happy severely depressed inside person and it doesn't make sense to me.

Edit: She went to bed and my sister and I gave her hugs and she was still crying saying she has a heart condition and her boss doesn't care and the doctors don't care because she's non-compliant and one day she's going to die and she wants to plan a holiday now but she can't.

I asked my mom is she going to be ok in her sleep because she drank another glass of wine, took an ativan and then started drinking the wine again so I poured the wine down the drain. She said she'll be fine.

Erti · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:16 AM

i'm sorry to hear you're mom is having trouble and it's effecting her kids. you mom needs to see a therapist and get to the root of the problem and why she drinks so much. i'm sorry. i know how it feels to have family who are depended on alcohol and drugs. they've made poor decisions and put drugs and alcohol over their family. I can see how you'd feel betrayed by your mom who seems to put her "man" before her own children. that's gotta hurt you and your sister.

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:21 AM

I put that post in the addictions forum and wrote a bit more about it...;

"She's going to go skiing with my sister in the morning. I'm going to study tonight and then go to class in the morning.

I feel like this is my fault but really some things are her fault for allowing my sociopathic narcissistic abusive step dad to be in my life. I allowed everything to happen. I did so many drugs to try and make myself stupid and unaware of my own life, throwing it away, getting hospitalized like 15 times. My mom had to deal with that too and I'm sorry for that but she needs to stop drinking and she's going to drink again.

She says she doesn't want to drink and she'll stop but she drinks a bottle of wine every night or more.

She WONT admit that she has a problem so I can't get her professional help. When she's sober, she has it all together like no one else. She's a completely different person when she's drunk just like my alcoholic real dad that I love very much but he's going to die soon and doesn't care if he dies soon."

Erti · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I put that post in the addictions forum and wrote a bit more about it...;

"She's going to go skiing with my sister in the morning. I'm going to study tonight and then go to class in the morning.

I feel like this is my fault but really some things are her fault for allowing my sociopathic narcissistic abusive step dad to be in my life. I allowed everything to happen. I did so many drugs to try and make myself stupid and unaware of my own life, throwing it away, getting hospitalized like 15 times. My mom had to deal with that too and I'm sorry for that but she needs to stop drinking and she's going to drink again.

She says she doesn't want to drink and she'll stop but she drinks a bottle of wine every night or more.

She WONT admit that she has a problem so I can't get her professional help. When she's sober, she has it all together like no one else. She's a completely different person when she's drunk just like my alcoholic real dad that I love very much but he's going to die soon and doesn't care if he dies soon."

sounds like addiction runs in your family. there's not much you can do until she realize she has a problem maybe an intervention and even then they got to want to get better.

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:30 AM

Life is like a really complicated math problem that tires me out to no end

I guess that's why they teach math in school

Erti · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Life is like a really complicated math problem that tires me out to no end

work on you for now... focus on school and work... try not to get sucked into family problems. i know it's hard... my family is full of problems but I got through it...

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

work on you for now... focus on school and work... try not to get sucked into family problems. i know it's hard... my family is full of problems but I got through it...

Yeah everyone needs to work on themselves. I regret not doing it in the past but I was too young to know any better.. But people also need to work by lifting each other up.. My moms boss is a real crow.. bitter.. cynical.. "I hate the snow it always snows" in north americas best ski resort with her cigarette wrinkly face and high heels.. I don't understand like I could laugh at things but it's too disturbing for me lol

Possible trigger:

I have.. thoughts of spiking her coffee with LSD to get rid of her negative energy...but don't worry... I won't do it..But I want to..

Erti · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:41 AM

I guess what i'm trying to say is that all you can do for your mom is being an open ear but put yourself first. if it gets too much you need a break.

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:41 AM

I'm not going to do it but I might just get myself fired by saying I did it and then "Because you need to get rid of your negative energy. I hate you".

Boom fired..

Erti · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:45 AM

im surprise i'm not tired. i've been up for a while.

ofthevalley · Mar 28, 2019 at 05:54 AM

Morning! It’s Thursday!!!
My son is sick today so I have company. I’m a terrible person...I love when the kids take a sick day. It’s like a special mom/kid day. I get to spoil them and baby them. It’s great as long as they don’t need a doc or anything.
Got a couple hours of work to do today. May put it off until this afternoon and go back to bed this morning after bringing my daughter to school. Depends on if I feel better. My stomach feels terrible this morning. My own fault. I had broccoli cheese soup for dinner. Lots o’ dairy lol.

Loial · Mar 28, 2019 at 08:04 AM

Morning all!

Nice sunny day here.

Hope everyone is okay.

Blue_Bird · Mar 28, 2019 at 08:19 AM

Doing a crossword puzzle, my mind works a lot better than it was

newtus · Mar 28, 2019 at 08:31 AM

Im ok

Woke up 30 min ago

Had coffee. Taking all my vitamins now!

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019 at 09:28 AM

Good morning. Was going to study last night but couldn't read because my eyes were twitching like I was going to panic so benzo and sleep. Now I have to study types of skulls within the hour, buy an energy drink and go to class. Vyvanse..

SlumberKitty · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

i am going to my grandmothers again, until my appointment tomorrow. Just don't feel safe alone

HUGS Falcon09

SlumberKitty · Mar 28, 2019 at 12:13 PM

Hi everyone, I'm definitely sick. I have cough that is kind of deep and hurts my chest sometimes. I'm still at work because I'm not running a fever or anything and I'm pretty isolated in my office, but I may leave early if I start really not feeling well. I would prefer to be at home curled up watching murder mysteries or something with my kitties, but if I get really sick later in the year then I will need my sick pay for that so for now I'm sticking it out. Germ free Hugs to everyone, Kit.

Mar 28, 2019 at 12:27 PM

perhaps the scarriest thing to come out of today, is the realisation that I've not listened to any type of music in 2 days, and since I'm someone who loves
music, that's a pretty scary/ depressing thought

today was a pretty average day.

nothing really bad happened, but then nothing really good happened either

is it a little scary that a day of just going through the motions is thought of as a normal day for me?

that's kinda depressing

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Roll Call 145

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Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 11:34 PM #622 i like the geodon... it suppresses my hunger and make me lose weight. Clozapine is known to gain weight. no way i'm going on haldol again. ok... hope your mother is alright. <3
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 12:30 AM #627 Life is like a really complicated math problem that tires me out to no end I guess that's why they teach math in school
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Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 12:41 AM #630 I guess what i'm trying to say is that all you can do for your mom is being an open ear but put yourself first. if it gets too much you need a break.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 12:41 AM #631 I'm not going to do it but I might just get myself fired by saying I did it and then "Because you need to get rid of your negative energy. I hate you". Boom fired..
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Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 12:45 AM #632 im surprise i'm not tired. i've been up for a while.
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Loial El Psy Congroo Member Since Aug 2014 Location: UK Posts: 5,501 9 4,690 hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 08:04 AM #634 Morning all! Nice sunny day here. Hope everyone is okay. __________________ The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again... "To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." Robert Louis Stevenson
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,742 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 08:19 AM #635 Doing a crossword puzzle, my mind works a lot better than it was __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 08:31 AM #636 Im ok Woke up 30 min ago Had coffee. Taking all my vitamins now! __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Mar 28, 2019 at 09:28 AM #637 Good morning. Was going to study last night but couldn't read because my eyes were twitching like I was going to panic so benzo and sleep. Now I have to study types of skulls within the hour, buy an energy drink and go to class. Vyvanse..
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