Roll Call 145

I'm starting to kinda feel bad again. All afternoon I was good but now im kinda spiraling.

I always do it at night for some reason

I feel better as the day goes on. I usually feel numb and irritated in the morning. Emotionless.

I was on my lunch break when I wrote my last post. Now I kinda feel like crap. But w/e. I keep going.

today in the UK it's mothers day.

I don't have a mother, (or a mother that wants anything to do with me), so today's hard

made slightly easier though by the fact that comercials for it arn't everywhere like most years. just sucks that in sted of going out with my mother like most individuals, I'm staying in doing **** all.

yesterday I had a panic attack because I only had 5 peaces of chicken for dinner (all that was in the house), and I can't cope with odd numbers

I also really dislike my new body spray, the smell of it does not apeal (does not smell that womanlike)

I used to get like that by the evenings and at night. I would do good all day then start getting very agitated and anxious, upset.

Started drawing an animal crossing character. And working on a coloring sheet of a deer

Woke up around 830 today, a lot earlier than usual.

Not feeling much from the haldol yet but doc said it'd take at least a week, so I'm just trucking on.

im kinda in a good mood today. Here's hoping it lasts

I was doing reading about a phenomenon called Maunder Minimum. Basically it is a prolonged period of solar cooling where the sun has very few, if any, sunspots. The last time this happened was approximately 1600-1750. It is highly debated but it may affect the Earth in ways of cooler weather too. Basically the sun's magnetic field is not strong enough to bring sunspots to the surface. Thus the normal 11-year solar cycle period would cease to happen. Between solar cycles 23 and 24 we have seen a marked decrease in sunspot activity, among the lowest in the last 50-100 years. It is expected to decline again in cycle 25, beginning sometime between 2019-2020. If it continues we may see a Maunder Minimum in our lifetime. For me this would be a devastation being an aurora chaser. No sunspots equals nearly no chance for Coronal Mass Ejections (CMEs) and solar flares. These are what make the incredible shows that are romanticized in vibrant colours on websites, calendars, shows, etc. That would cease for at least 50 years or more. Aurora would happen just not intense. A period like that would mean I am not going to take for granted the solar storms that occur in my lifetime. For they may one day cease to happen for the rest of my lifetime. I hope that doesn't happen.

^ I am highly passionate about space and solar weather. This is a major hobby of mine and means a lot to me.

Hope I don't die from lack of sleep and not eating right, plus stress

feeling very tempted to go back to my grandmothers.

but I have to push through this

Orange dream tastes somewhat better today. It has had a week so far to steep. I actually caught some orange flavor and cream on a hit or two.

I want a small vaping pod kit for when I go out with my bf. It won't make my purse too heavy. But I'd have to pilfer some juice from my vast stores.

Vapewild didn't charge me for the extra 30ml of Pinkle Twinkle. I haven't opened it yet. It's supposed to taste like a strawberry Starburst.

Going to call my mother soon. Wondering if I should use my headphones or disconnect my phone and call from the lobby. I'm leaning towards the lobby.

Maaaan. I’m stressed.
My son has a fever of over 102. He couldn’t keep it in his mouth until it beeped so I don’t know how high.
He’s been on antibiotics for more than 48 hrs with no real improvement. I don’t know what to do. He and my husband are resistant to the idea of urgent care. I don’t know that I’m comfortable waiting until tomorrow to have him seen.
Waaaaahhhhh....I want my mommy.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

For mothers day we went out for a meal and had a few drinks. I only had 3 pints but I feel merry lol hope everyone else had a good day.

well, I'm going back to my grandmas house. I shouldn't feel so bad about accepting help when I feel bad but I do

I’m here!

Reason i feel bad for asking for help when i need it is because people have turned me down asking for help so much. So now i feel like im bothering people.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I always feel like im bothering people or being a burden even though no one has ever told me that.

Maybe im just really insecure or something

I'm making good strides towards my books completion. But I think im going to rethink one chapter completely, well organize it so it logically and historically flows. That will be my job next weekend though. "Philosophy, the crucible of disinterested criticism" is one of my longer chapters.

The past 2 or 3 days have seemed so long

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII