Roll Call 145

ive noticed that if I ride out the sleepiness of Geodon for like an hour I start to feel wide awake

That's like what happens with ambien except you're not sleep walking

I worry about how much sleep I get on Mondays and Wednesdays because of my early Tuesday/Thursday classes. Oh, well. Gotta study.

My classes are early on Tuesdays and Thursdays as well. I feel like staying up all night to study but I can't cuz I need like 12 hours of sleep. Maybe I don't though idk.. But I'm sure if I stay up at nights, the lack of sleep will eventually catch up to me and I'll be screwed.

YESSS. This.
I feel like if I don't get 7.5-8 hours of sleep, my entire body will implode.

My mom was talking about world events and her opinions and my sister has common sense and I see through that the 1% is controlling us and the media and social media making what appeals to our liking for money and being upset about shootings happening basically on another planet, outside our own world. Stars have feelings and they are burning.. they shine but no one cares about the stars or that white thing in the sky at night... everyone is disconnected and my mom drinks wine and talks her opinions about nursing and law.. I'm jealous I wish I was less "intelligent" and didn't see the big picture.. or intelligent isn't the right word.. maybe crazy.. but crazy in a different way like how everyone is crazy and I can't stand the world craziness together collectively.. There's different types of intelligence.. I blame donald trump and fake news. But even saying those words makes me apart of the problem. Opinions opinions opinions. Where do those opinions come from? Obsessing through your head all day every day until you decide to share it with someone. Constant inner dialogue constant chatter in the brain that won't leave you alone and you repeat sentences to reassure yourself. Conflicting opinion? Voice yours and then people call each other stupid.. this isn't how the world is supposed to be but it seems like it has already ended before the apocalypse happens as my schizophrenia friend in the psych ward said will happen. We saw UFO's. Maybe they were real who knows but if they were, I would see that friend as someone I would see in the afterlife, because we always meet after thinking we'd never see each other again.. it's weird the energy that follows certain rules in the universe.. without religion.. with religion is stationary and you're stuck... fighting and fighting about things that don't even matter. They don't matter because they aren't supposed to. Only for the secret societies and the government.

So I'm going to go to bed as I took an ativan cuz I started to feel panic because I feel like my mom is losing her mind. In optimism. I am optimistic mostly but I have a disease of depression infecting my mind like a society created parasite that the pharmaceutical companies don't want to cure, just like cancer.. oh no! I'm becoming what I hate, opinion filled by government propaganda. But what is real? Prophets can get things wrong I believe. I am basically jesus and muhammad and buddha just translating things differently, seeing the bigger picture.. because I know that we were all just monkeys a few million years ago.. almost as smart. 100 years ago people were stupid but we had the same sized brains so all the failures and success that people have done builds up to this one person that I care about right now, and that is me. So I won't study until tomorrow after class where I will absorb more information.. Idk if I could absorb more information just by the internet.. but I have bad time management skills which doesn't work for college either. My mental state, work, school, doing things in free time with people... I have the right to feel exhausted.. everyone has that right no matter what situation they are in unless they are not mental, watching TV and eating cheetos, gaining weight and not having opinions. Which is the cousin of my state of mind.

I'm up tweaky. :O you should get some sleep my friend...

I know.. But imagine what I'll be dreaming about now? Madness!

hopefully soft kitties and playful doggies?

Hiding in the basement from tornadoes was a dream I had like 3 times this past month lol

The tornadoes keep coming for me. I don't know why. If it happens again, I'll intentionally get sucked into one. But to make that work, if it happens in real life, I'll have to be committed to intentionally getting sucked into one.

Then my fears will be faced. But I'm fascinated by the tornadoes and their power..

I have a phobia of peaches so the puppies and kitties better have lots of fur.

i've had those kind of dreams before. Tornadoes interest me too.

i looked up dream interpretations and here's what it said about dreaming about tornadoes.

" ou may dream of a tornado when you are confused about your own emotions or when you are in a relationship that is not stable. Also, if you are prone to change your mood suddenly, you are more likely to have these dreams. Destructive Situation. Tornadoes may also symbolize a destructive situation in your life."

OH GOD.. Lol...

heh

Good morning, slept good thankfully

Morning! Happy tuesday.
Nothing going on today...just work and maybe some stuff around the house depending on how I feel. I don’t have to go anywhere so that’s good.
Still sore this morning. Think it’s just from overuse. I’ll have to type one handed today. Going to take forever lol.
I was a little annoyed yesterday. I logged in and had emails waiting from Wednesday after I finished for the day. My assistant didn’t respond to anything other than the 3 orders I was waiting on. Everything else just piled up. I’m pretty far behind the 8 ball this week.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

What is this KIN stuff I keep getting pop ups for?

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

KIN? no idea...

I have no idea, it's something on Tapatalk right, I keep getting it too and it's annoying lol

just use the browser on your phone... that's much less annoying then tapatalk.

Yeah it’s Tapatalk.
I would sign in via the browser but I don’t remember my pw lol. It’s saved on tapatalk.
My dogs have been SO naughty. They keep jumping on me and tugging at my pants. I can only pet one at a time cuz they are afraid of the cast. They are having none of it. The other night my big dog almost knocked my husband over getting through the door so he could sleep with us. Then he whined any time I wasn’t actively petting him. I’ve had him 6 years and he’s never acted that way at night except when I first got back from the hospitals. He is seriously my soul dog. He’s a neurotic mess of a thing. Just like me

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety