Roll Call: 146

junkDNA · Apr 11, 2019 at 03:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Possible trigger:

I feel like I'm developing an eating disorder, I'm barely eating and get nauseous at the thought of eating food. Maybe just overreacting but it's worrying

there is a difference between anorexia and anorexia nervosa, anorexia is literally translated to loss of appetite and is usually attributed to medical conditions or side effects from medications while anorexia nervosa is more of a fear of gaining weight

junkDNA · Apr 11, 2019 at 03:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

here's the thing... i feel like i have to defend my mother some. shes always kept a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to wear. however, my education and physical, mental, hygienic needs weren't always met. i flunked a grade because of lice and kept getting kicked out and staying out of school weeks and sometimes a month after the fact i got "caught" with having head lice. I had it real bad and was told to avoid scratching my head at school and letting people near me to notice lice in my head. I didn't start going to the dentist until i was 18 after a tooth crumbled in my mouth and i needed to have a root canal. I mean i have good teeth don't get me wrong but it took a lot of fillings and a root canal to get them that way. as for mental health my mom tried to hide the fact my sexual abuse and rape happened after i told my grandmother what happen when i didn't want to go home with my mom's ex boyfriend that night. i wish they wouldn't of locked his *** up but all my mom did was kick him out and told no one. she told my dad's best friend but not my dad himself. my dad's bestfriend never told my dad because he said it wasn't his place to tell him and according to my dad he once delivered pizza to my moms ex's house after she kicked him out. my mom's ex asked my dad how i was doing... my dad said i was fine and my moms ex smiled and laughed oddly in an unsettling way. my dad didn't know about it until i told him a few years ago...

my dad isn't any better either with the severe neglect when i was over at his house when he did come and picked me up. i did tell my mom about being locked in a bedroom all the time. eventually my dad stopped coming around and i didn't see him 4 years later where he "tried" coming into my life but my stepmom was jealous of me and treated me like **** when i was over at their house. it wasn't until she ended up getting breast cancer she started treated me like a human being... my dad knew how my stepmom was towards me but did nothing and took her side. he continued to stay with her and seeing me less and less. I always got the brunt of her ******** and if my sister did something "wrong" i got my *** busted for it too. if I cried because they didn't let me call my mom or grandmother in order to let me go home I got my *** busted for it. at one point at 8 years old my dad picked me up took me to his place and refused to let me call home.. locked me and my siblings in a bedroom from days on end... lack of food as usual... and didn't let me have contact with my grandmother or my mom... they basically kidnapped me. my grandmother called my dads bff and he told her where my dad lived and eventually picked me up after arriving unexpectinly at the door. i was filthy, natted hair, missing clothes, and the one bedroom apartment that lived me my two brothers my sister and my dad and stepmom smelled of diapers. I came home and that was the end of that part of my life.

I too feel that I have to defend my mother and remain loyal. it's complicated for sure. we went thru some same things, neglect and CSA. my mom also ignored everything until it was too late. shes even finally admitted she just was not there when I was growing up. it's nice to have that validation that it wasn't just in my head that mom was never around to protect me, but it's too little too late now to apologize for it. I suffer the consequences of her inaction every day

Findingreason · Apr 11, 2019 at 05:23 AM

I'm very shook up today.

Possible trigger:

Came to band this morning and band leader took me aside to inform me that a band member was in hospital due to attempted suicide.

This band is like my family. I am just so grateful he is still alive. There was a lot of crying...and hugs and just general support for one another. I want to be there for him when he returns.

newtus · Apr 11, 2019 at 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Findingreason

I'm very shook up today.

Possible trigger:

Came to band this morning and band leader took me aside to inform me that a band member was in hospital due to attempted suicide.

This band is like my family. I am just so grateful he is still alive. There was a lot of crying...and hugs and just general support for one another. I want to be there for him when he returns.

Im so sorry FR.

Please make sure you seek support as well. Does your band leader have support for everyone?

newtus · Apr 11, 2019 at 05:26 AM

Morning

Fiance had to goto work at 4am this morning. He was extremely grumpy. It scared me because he got mad at the dog and busted his hand on the bed rail because the dog wasnt listening. He was trying to grab her from under the bed.

Findingreason · Apr 11, 2019 at 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Im so sorry FR.

Please make sure you seek support as well. Does your band leader have support for everyone?

Thank you Newtus.

I will do my best to do so. I think he does. He's usually very good about this stuff.

Blue_Bird · Apr 11, 2019 at 07:48 AM

Did the dishes, made my bed, took the trash out, read for awhile then played a game. About to take a shower then go to the library

Erti · Apr 11, 2019 at 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

I too feel that I have to defend my mother and remain loyal. it's complicated for sure. we went thru some same things, neglect and CSA. my mom also ignored everything until it was too late. shes even finally admitted she just was not there when I was growing up. it's nice to have that validation that it wasn't just in my head that mom was never around to protect me, but it's too little too late now to apologize for it. I suffer the consequences of her inaction every day

My mom has made comments like, "you had a good life after i met Frank (stepdad), right?" and said "you didn't always have it so bad." then made comments saying, "i'm a bad mother." I'm not quite sure how much denial she's in. i've told her what happened when i was little about what was happening at my dads house after he had kidnapped me. Then I told her what was happening at my dads house here recently and she basically said, " why didn't you tell me this?!?!"... i'm like "uh ***** i did... how come you never listened?"... of course not in those words.

Blue_Bird · Apr 11, 2019 at 09:25 AM

Went to the library then the bookstore

Apr 11, 2019 at 09:32 AM

Where do all these sunglasses come from? I've never bought a pair in my life and now I have 3
Pdoc won't let me do mmj and wants me on disability, gave me more resources today. Probbaly the best appt I've had since I started seeing him

Blue_Bird · Apr 11, 2019 at 10:09 AM

Already got 7,000 steps in today and it's only 11am

falcon09 · Apr 11, 2019 at 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Already got 7,000 steps in today and it's only 11am

I've been walking a lot too, mostly because I woke up anxious and walks help me take my mind off the anxiety.

newtus · Apr 11, 2019 at 10:25 AM

Good job BB and falcon!

Desoxyn · Apr 11, 2019 at 10:58 AM

Last day of class.........

Blue_Bird · Apr 11, 2019 at 11:15 AM

I'm so tired of coughing

Blue_Bird · Apr 11, 2019 at 11:20 AM

So jumpy today, my neighbor said hi, I didn't see him and jumped, then when walking back from the store earlier a cop car drove by and then all the sudden put their sirens on and I jumped then too

falcon09 · Apr 11, 2019 at 11:29 AM

going to spend a few days at my dads place in 30 mins

gonna go to his work first.

had a very anxious morning, went on legit 6/7 walks and took xanax. Seems like it's gone now though, feeling a lot better

SlumberKitty · Apr 11, 2019 at 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Findingreason

I'm very shook up today.

Possible trigger:

Came to band this morning and band leader took me aside to inform me that a band member was in hospital due to attempted suicide.

This band is like my family. I am just so grateful he is still alive. There was a lot of crying...and hugs and just general support for one another. I want to be there for him when he returns.

HUGS FR

Kit

SlumberKitty · Apr 11, 2019 at 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Already got 7,000 steps in today and it's only 11am

Hey, you got my fitbit? I'm above 7000 too and it's 10:24 here!

SlumberKitty · Apr 11, 2019 at 12:27 PM

Hey everyone, I drove to the walking park this morning and got in a walk before work. I went last night too but for some reason the fitbit didn't count last night's walk as exercise, but it counted today's. Weird. I'm so tired though. Walking is supposed to be energizing but it just makes me tired. I'm trying to not drink soda pop today. We'll see how that goes. Trying to just drink unsweetened iced tea and water. My sister gave up soda so I'm going to see if I can. Therapy office called to remind me of my appointment on Monday. Not ready but I told them I would be there. HUGS everyone, Kit

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Roll Call: 146

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 07:48 AM #267 Did the dishes, made my bed, took the trash out, read for awhile then played a game. About to take a shower then go to the library __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 09:25 AM #269 Went to the library then the bookstore __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Anonymous43918 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 11, 2019 at 09:32 AM #270 Where do all these sunglasses come from? I've never bought a pair in my life and now I have 3 Pdoc won't let me do mmj and wants me on disability, gave me more resources today. Probbaly the best appt I've had since I started seeing him
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 10:09 AM #271 Already got 7,000 steps in today and it's only 11am __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 10:25 AM #273 Good job BB and falcon! __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 10:58 AM #274 Last day of class.........
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 11:15 AM #275 I'm so tired of coughing __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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falcon09 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,018 9 1,867 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 11:29 AM #277 going to spend a few days at my dads place in 30 mins gonna go to his work first. had a very anxious morning, went on legit 6/7 walks and took xanax. Seems like it's gone now though, feeling a lot better
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