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Erti
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Default Apr 13, 2019 at 09:23 PM
  #1
My ex boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me back in 2013 due to his and my metal illness. His being depression and anxiety (which is now ADD, Bipolar 2 disorder, and Generalized anxiety disorder) and mine being undifferentiated schizophrenia or schizoaffective bipolar type and post traumatic stress disorder. Since then i've had a hard time looking for someone who is willing to accept me... I've been missing intimacy and sex. I've been having my sexual needs met but at a price because i get too close to that someone and all they want is sex been making me an emotional mess.

I've tried online dating websites... I try not to be open too much about my diagnosis but when a guy asked me why i wasn't working i told him i was on disability. Then he asked about why i was on it and i was quite frank... because of schizophrenia. He looked it up and said he doesn't know how to handle someone "like me"... kept asking what he should do if i was in the middle of an "episode"... i told him just be there for me that's all i ask. He kept asking question after question and i was like... "i don't think it's going to work out lets be friends." he then text me after that once and i didn't text him back right away... when i did he stopped texting me all together. Just a ****** situation.

I've thought about dating someone else with a mental illness too. however, the guy i met at the hospital last summer kinda blocked me off of facebook and I had to text him asking if he deleted his facebook... he said no but he has a girlfriend now... a week after asking me if i wanted to move in with him... after sending each other nudes and dirt videos... after all that i wasn't too devastated because he wasn't the most stable person. he was in the hospital for running in front of the car after a bad acid trip. So i'm like "**** you too buddy".

I know i'm not the most stable person out there... i'm not the most beautiful person out there but definitely not the ugliest person out there despite how i may feel about myself at most days. I've been told i'm crazy in a "good" way, eccentric, and out there which isn't a bad thing in itself. I just miss intimacy. No one wants to date the "crazy" girl. No one wants to date a "fat" girl either (i'm fat due to medications i've been on but managed to lose 40 pounds of that weight so far and eventually hope to get back down to my high school weigh at 140 pounds... just 60 more pounds to go).

after years of trying to better myself there was a 4 year period where i was pretty stable and hadn't been into a psych hospital from between 2012 until 2016 when my meds were somewhat working despite telling my psych doctor i felt like taking a gun to my head and blowing my ****ing brains out between those times. She just didn't listen and didn't even increase my medication or send me off to a hospital like she should of... I guess i'm lucky my ex boyfriends dads gun was locked up somewhere i didn't know about but at that point i was looking to find it anyways. i guess quite honestly i haven't been stabled since 2008. Maybe not being stable myself is my problem?

I've attract quite a few guys but they're way too much older than I am and quite honestly creepy as ****. When i worked from 2009 - 2012 i had older men stair at my breast while asking me where stuff is at a retail store... i've had a store manager who looked old enough to be my dad asked me i like to party and if i would party with him. I recently on my birthday i had an old coworker who was way older than i am ask me if we can hang out sometime... i said yeah sure. he kept asking if my mom was around and when she worked. then proceeded to asked me if i wanted him to rub my back for me... I told him no and that was inappropriate of him to say to me. I then told my mom and she gave him an ear full. Not quite sure why i attract older and creepy men... granted not all of them were "ugly" just their inappropriate to the point of being downright scary. Probably because of my personality. maybe they think i'm a slut that would **** anyone?

Do you have a mental illness that prevents you to get into relationships with others because of stigma? Any suggestions on how to find someone to me intimate with? Am i doomed for a lonely life due to being "schizophrenic" despite being medication and therapeutically compliant? Why do i attract creepy older men? Is dating really important compared to my other issues i face? should i give up? what would you do if you were in my shoes?
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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 04:02 AM
  #2
Sorry you're dealing with this Erti

I'm not sure how to go about dating with this dx either, I haven't really dated since I was diagnosed like 7 years ago, not intentionally, I'm just not sure how to go about it, I feel like people would run if I ever were to mention having a diagnosis with the word schizo in it. I've had guys who have wanted to date since then but I always felt like I needed to be stable before getting back into any relationships so I have avoided it. I'd like to date again someday maybe, I hope you things get better for you in this aspect, I know it's possible to find someone who accepts you as you are and treats you right, it's just hard sometimes

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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 06:42 AM
  #3
I've dated but then they either stopped talking to me or found someone else "better". I've had sex with and send nudes to other people but that's all they wanted was sex and nudes. It's really getting to my self esteem. In ways i do want kids but in ways i don't. i wouldn't mind having kids but it's not the end of the world if I don't. My future is so unclear and i don't want to rely on anyone like i've been relying on my parents these past 29 years of my entire life.

what angers me is people are like, 'I would never date anyone with a mental illness (again)." I mean there are bad ones out there with mental illness but so are there without any. Reason is why i'm open to dating those with a mental illness is because they understand somewhat i'm going through. I don't want to be with someone who plays a parental roll on my behalf or me them. They're not my parents and they shouldn't have to take care of me in a way a parent would. I don't want them to treat me differently than they would treat someone else without mental illness.
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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 09:23 AM
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Erti, when I was dating I got to know the guy a little first and then I didn’t use psych terms if I could help it, I mean psychosis sounds like psycho right. I just told them sometimes I hear voices. I also clarify that I’m stable and have been for x years. It’s harderfor them to bail once they know you’re not creepy yourself.

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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 11:08 AM
  #5
The thing is... I do try to avoid the "mental illness" talk if I can avoid it. I do try to get to know the guy/gal first before we start anything serious. I'm just bad luck at finding anyone. i've never use of the word psychosis.
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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Erti View Post
The thing is... I do try to avoid the "mental illness" talk if I can avoid it. I do try to get to know the guy/gal first before we start anything serious. I'm just bad luck at finding anyone. i've never use of the word psychosis.


It could be your geographical location too...people in Chicago are pretty open minded but I will say you mentioned weight....if you lose the weight a lot more guys will be interested....I was around 150 when I was dating and a lot of guys replied. Once you open up the dating pool like that you’ll increase your odds of finding someone. You might even find someone in the gym.

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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 01:58 PM
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It could be your geographical location too...people in Chicago are pretty open minded but I will say you mentioned weight....if you lose the weight a lot more guys will be interested....I was around 150 when I was dating and a lot of guys replied. Once you open up the dating pool like that you’ll increase your odds of finding someone. You might even find someone in the gym.
I'm not sure if i given up on losing more weight or not. I lost 17 pounds in a month to a month 1/2 and with this new antipsychotic i've been eating a lot more just to curve the hunger.... it's just hard to lose the weight that i've gained through antipsychotics. especially STILL being on antipsychotics. I'm at a loss... i question whether or not i need the antipsychotics or not... non help. none of it and i'm gaining more and more weight because of it. my high school weight was at 140 pounds at the same high as i am now.
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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 02:45 PM
  #8
Yeah I mean I know how that is but at the same time it’s one of the few things that can change.....

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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 06:22 PM
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It was hard for me in the beginning. I was under 100 pounds in high school and out there but i didnt talk much. Turns out a lot of guys were into me im just finding out.

I didnt date for 8 years while i was sick and getting well.

Now im engaged to my current boyfriend. We went to high school together. Never thought id be dating someone from high school. Luckily hes a very good looking guy, just my type, and accepts pretty much everything about me including my mental illness.

I got very lucky. Im sorry you hate when people say they wouldnt date those with mental illness, but i just cant anymore. I have good reason tho. I cannot hold up myself plus another person in a relationship. Its too much for me to do. If i cant take care of myself theres no way i could help someone else. In my last relationship i held him up and put myself on the back burner. Its very hard and regret it. I saw that in my last relationship. I even see it now when i got depressed. I could barely do anything. Fiance doesnt deal with mental illness.

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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 06:23 PM
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Fiance and i connected through mutual friends.

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Default Apr 14, 2019 at 06:42 PM
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It was hard for me in the beginning. I was under 100 pounds in high school and out there but i didnt talk much. Turns out a lot of guys were into me im just finding out.

I didnt date for 8 years while i was sick and getting well.

Now im engaged to my current boyfriend. We went to high school together. Never thought id be dating someone from high school. Luckily hes a very good looking guy, just my type, and accepts pretty much everything about me including my mental illness.

I got very lucky. Im sorry you hate when people say they wouldnt date those with mental illness, but i just cant anymore. I have good reason tho. I cannot hold up myself plus another person in a relationship. Its too much for me to do. If i cant take care of myself theres no way i could help someone else. In my last relationship i held him up and put myself on the back burner. Its very hard and regret it. I saw that in my last relationship. I even see it now when i got depressed. I could barely do anything. Fiance doesnt deal with mental illness.
as far as i know I've only had like 2 guys and a girl who liked me during high school... one of the guys and the girl that liked me started dating with each other only to find out the guy was pushy with sex and was pretty much a ****. After high school I dated the other guy that liked me... I was quite honest with him about my family. He's said things like, "your family has to be the most craziest and scary family out of all the girls i've dated." He made comments about my mom's house and how dirty it was... it was also the time i had short hair and told me how his mom said that I looked like a boy with my "hair cut". We talked online for a bit and he kept mention the topic about sex and asked if I think if we'd have sex... I flat out told him no because I don't see myself with him anymore. we broke up... still friends but we don't talk as often anymore.

as far at having a boyfriend it's rare for our relationship to get into a deep connection with... my ex boyfriend of 6 years was the closest i've gotten with someone. He broke up with me after he was having a mental breakdown during an anime conventions. nothing wrong with our relationship it was just he felt he need a clean plate and start over with everything. Which idk how true that is but i'll take his word for it.

I guess i just get offended with someone who said that... I'm not the type that wants a parent/child relationship with someone because i'm too "ill" to handle a real relationship. I want a rock to stay on but i don't want them telling me what to do, how to do it. and make threats like ended our relationship if i don't do something they want me to like my ex did during our 6 year relationship. I like to think i'm more independent than that. Not everyone with mental illness is dependent and not everyone who isn't mentally ill is independent. I already feel ****** about myself last thing i need is a label to prevent others looking at me as a normal person.
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