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airbornemedic82
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 03:50 AM
  #1
Growing up my nickname was devil child (red hair and my birthday is 9/11) but I started believing that early on. I have no remorse for anyone else. I care about myself. If anyone disrespects me, I’ll catch a felony no problem. I don’t release any of this because I know I’m capable of horrible things and could just say “he shouldn’t have pissed me off” I literally can’t help my rage and flood of thoughts. People will say “you think you’re a billy badass” and it’s like you have no ****ing idea. That’s my response and I know that’s not normal, none of this is.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 03:58 AM
  #2
This doesn't sound like schizophrenia or any other psychotic disorder.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:15 AM
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This doesn't sound like schizophrenia or any other psychotic disorder.


What would you say? Curious
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:17 AM
  #4
What brought this up btw I was listening to music and “Demons” came on. Basically me lyrically, kinda scary because one dude’s rap fame is my life basically. Tech N9ne if anyone was curious.

Having C-PTSD, his PTSD (Warrior Built) song is amazing
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:21 AM
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This doesn't sound like schizophrenia or any other psychotic disorder.


I censor some of what I say out of fear of “trouble” don’t want a visit from a blacked out SUV, doesn’t give an honest view of myself to people on here but I’m also not trying to make people think I’m plotting some ****
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:25 AM
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Well if you actually think you're the devil or some sort of supernatural being I can see how this sounds like psychosis but from what you said about your behavior on why you feel like you're the devil it sounds more like a personality disorder of some sort.

I too have PTSD due to my abuse as a child i'll give the song a listen ::listening::
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:36 AM
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Well if you actually think you're the devil or some sort of supernatural being I can see how this sounds like psychosis but from what you said about your behavior on why you feel like you're the devil it sounds more like a personality disorder of some sort.


I too have PTSD due to my abuse as a child i'll give the song a listen ::listening::


My doc says C-PTSD, BPD and anxiety issues... to me that doesn’t sound correct, but Idk. He doesn’t know some things which is why I disagree with him, but then he’d use the “Baker act” as he put it.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:44 AM
  #8
Have you tried looking up certain personality disorders such as Antisocial Personality Disorder or say Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 05:43 AM
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Have you tried looking up certain personality disorders such as Antisocial Personality Disorder or say Narcissistic Personality Disorder?


I have and I have also thought narcissistic as well. I’m just gonna stop with the self diagnosing and I’m actually gonna get my Haldol refill (off my meds for the weekend, shits coming on I can feel it) and talk to him “off the record”
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 05:48 AM
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I have and I have also thought narcissistic as well. I’m just gonna stop with the self diagnosing and I’m actually gonna get my Haldol refill (off my meds for the weekend, shits coming on I can feel it) and talk to him “off the record”
that's the best you can do. bring up your concerns with your doctor. No one online can diagnose you.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:08 PM
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that's the best you can do. bring up your concerns with your doctor. No one online can diagnose you.


HA! Went to him today actually as a walk in... he was pissed and hurried me away, so I got up and told him to have a nice day, my treatment ended today with that. **** the VA.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 10:43 PM
  #12
I literally think I'm God. I believe many things. Like we're in an alien AI simulation. Causing people harm has never been my thing. I used to go on chat rooms and help people that were suicidal until the owner of one chat turned out to be a religious extremist maniac. People are many things. They have all sorts of beliefs. People smoke crack. I smoked crack. Maybe I'm hallucinating everything and no one is real. But LOVE wins over all because it is so strong. What my family would do without me if all my "delusions" were not real and that this is the only reality there is.. they would be left behind and the only existence would be them wondering through the last stages of the universes existence until we all go pooff... and disappear like the 0.000000001% of existence that us monkeys had.. maybe aliens will appear.. but you can see them on DMT maybe? I was too scared to break through cuz I would then be in the psych bin for the rest of my life.. I know too much.. Does the devil trip on psychedelics and have schizophrenia? Does he manipulate people while God knows everything or does God get confused? Does God have disorganized schizophrenia so he doesn't even know what the hell he's doing with his creations? The devil has a clear mind maybe idk.. But it's all not real.. Nothing is real.. then boom... big bang.. Which is a theory.. everything is.. Reality is just a bunch of hallucinations that we all collectively agree on..

With antisocial, you move from one place to the next after people realize what you are doing to them.. moving through a field of blind sheep.. lonely world.. just like God. The devil was an angel but he turned on God. Why? Who cares to read the bible? It was written by humans.. they were probably using psychedelics and jesus was schizophrenic and smoking pot...

There is an antichrist as well. But I can't tell who it is and don't care to say because it's all pointless in the end. Memory fades forever and our souls go to the soul factory.

Edit: Tech n9nnnnneeee!
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 11:00 PM
  #13
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HA! Went to him today actually as a walk in... he was pissed and hurried me away, so I got up and told him to have a nice day, my treatment ended today with that. **** the VA.
VA sucks indeed... they do little to help those who were in the military especially those with disabilities. My dad has a messed up back from when he was in the army... they told him "physical therapy" would fix it only to find out by regular doctor that he needed back surgery. Granted i think my dad doctored shopped until he got pain medications and the fact that he refuses to get back surgery speaks volumes of his priorities. I guess my point is... VA sucks, i'd find another doctor.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 11:42 PM
  #14
The devil talked to me once, tried to take my soul.
Death was near too.
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Default Apr 17, 2019 at 07:20 AM
  #15
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I literally think I'm God. I believe many things. Like we're in an alien AI simulation. Causing people harm has never been my thing. I used to go on chat rooms and help people that were suicidal until the owner of one chat turned out to be a religious extremist maniac. People are many things. They have all sorts of beliefs. People smoke crack. I smoked crack. Maybe I'm hallucinating everything and no one is real. But LOVE wins over all because it is so strong. What my family would do without me if all my "delusions" were not real and that this is the only reality there is.. they would be left behind and the only existence would be them wondering through the last stages of the universes existence until we all go pooff... and disappear like the 0.000000001% of existence that us monkeys had.. maybe aliens will appear.. but you can see them on DMT maybe? I was too scared to break through cuz I would then be in the psych bin for the rest of my life.. I know too much.. Does the devil trip on psychedelics and have schizophrenia? Does he manipulate people while God knows everything or does God get confused? Does God have disorganized schizophrenia so he doesn't even know what the hell he's doing with his creations? The devil has a clear mind maybe idk.. But it's all not real.. Nothing is real.. then boom... big bang.. Which is a theory.. everything is.. Reality is just a bunch of hallucinations that we all collectively agree on..


With antisocial, you move from one place to the next after people realize what you are doing to them.. moving through a field of blind sheep.. lonely world.. just like God. The devil was an angel but he turned on God. Why? Who cares to read the bible? It was written by humans.. they were probably using psychedelics and jesus was schizophrenic and smoking pot...


There is an antichrist as well. But I can't tell who it is and don't care to say because it's all pointless in the end. Memory fades forever and our souls go to the soul factory.


Edit: Tech n9nnnnneeee!


I too wonder if everything is real. I’ve thought suicide just to prove it. I do believe I’m antisocial, I have no friends, stay inside, think everyone is after me type ****. It’s annoying, but for the few minutes I type this, I’m aware at least. Afterward, I’ll forget and go back to it until I catch myself yet again. I’m just a cold hearted dude that can only tell people “I miss who I was and I’m sorry”. Almost got arrested at the VA as well, quit my job, so far it’s going great... and now I want to flush my meds because deep down... I love who I am, nobody is better. I know it’s ****ed up but I believe I am untreatable, so why not embrace who I really am? ****, witches and demons honestly were probably mentally ill people and nobody knew what to think or do, **** it burn em! And yes I love Tech N9ne, Logic, Dax, Hopsin etc. I also for some reason love dark music, it’s like it feeds something without me committing actions, like I can live it in my head. Idk. Does anyone else think they literally are the Devil?
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Default Apr 17, 2019 at 07:24 AM
  #16
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Originally Posted by CaitlinNoGoYea View Post
The devil talked to me once, tried to take my soul.

Death was near too.


What did he/she say? I just believe I am because whatever I touch turns black and I do not ****ing care, I’m somewhat omnipotent, more so than Odin. My mind is something and wants nothing, but my heart is nothing but wants to be something... myself just won’t allow it so I’m along for the ride.
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Default Apr 17, 2019 at 12:04 PM
  #17
Wellll I just freaked my neighbors out... being a mad man lol. I just don’t want them to press their religious **** on me now lol.
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