Roll Call 148

ofthevalley · May 20, 2019 at 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

not sure why, just to feel happy I guess.

Possible trigger:

I usually trip on DXM (cough syrup)

I’m sorry @falcon. I completely understand.
It completely sucks that it’s so damn hard to just be happy.

newtus · May 20, 2019 at 12:14 PM

I just went to the liquor store and there was a man waiting for me to get out of my car I think. He waited for a long time and I acted like I was on the phone. I'm home now. That's why I kinda like apartments, you can disappear into your apartment and they wont know which door you went in.

There's 4 apartments in each little square. I know all my neighbors except one who never comes out. The person above me is a couple and I have their Facebook. The other two apts are older women. Thank God. Just in case I need to goto them for emergency.

newtus · May 20, 2019 at 12:26 PM

I feel like someone is watching me

newtus · May 20, 2019 at 12:52 PM

I guess I'll be eating corndogs all day. It's all we have.

Erti · May 20, 2019 at 12:59 PM

I feel like doing some hood rat ****.

Sometimes psychotic · May 20, 2019 at 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Idk why I'm like this. I'm the same, I'm either happy or depressed, but it's not really happy, it's more like neutral or depressed because I seem to never really be happy.

I think you were happy yesterday but it was mixed with sort of confusion about how your body felt which caused anxiety etc.

newtus · May 20, 2019 at 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I think you were happy yesterday but it was mixed with sort of confusion about how your body felt which caused anxiety etc.

Yea I think it was that.

Idk I'm just tired of THINGS making me happy. Materials. Then it goes away. I tried to play my guitar and I sucked. And it made everything happy go away from me. You know? I didnt feel happy anymore.

But also I had anxiety this morning. I know it was because my body, but I've been extremely depressed lately and anxious. Part of it is the relationship even tho things are ok now, but now its cuz the job thing.

Like idk what I got myself into with this job thing. Idk what to do. I just want to hide and drink but that's me staying in my comfort zone. I goto the liquor store every day or 2 days. In hate it.

Sometimes psychotic · May 20, 2019 at 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Yea I think it was that.

Idk I'm just tired of THINGS making me happy. Materials. Then it goes away. I tried to play my guitar and I sucked. And it made everything happy go away from me. You know? I didnt feel happy anymore.

But also I had anxiety this morning. I know it was because my body, but I've been extremely depressed lately and anxious. Part of it is the relationship even tho things are ok now, but now its cuz the job thing.

Like idk what I got myself into with this job thing. Idk what to do. I just want to hide and drink but that's me staying in my comfort zone. I goto the liquor store every day or 2 days. In hate it.

Honestly if I were you I’d commit to therapy once a week but they can only help if you explain this kind of thing.

newtus · May 20, 2019 at 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Honestly if I were you I’d commit to therapy once a week but they can only help if you explain this kind of thing.

I've tried calling my job counselor 3 times today and left a message. He never called me back. He's the one that can get me therapy for free. Otherwise there's no way I can pay for therapy on my own.

Sometimes psychotic · May 20, 2019 at 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I've tried calling my job counselor 3 times today and left a message. He never called me back. He's the one that can get me therapy for free. Otherwise there's no way I can pay for therapy on my own.

Don’t you have Medicare or something? I mean that should pay...I’m not sure if you have s copay or not.

newtus · May 20, 2019 at 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Don’t you have Medicare or something? I mean that should pay...I’m not sure if you have s copay or not.

Yes I do but there's extremely few people here or even in my last town that take Medicare. There may actually be no therapists here that take Medicare but I'll look. This is a small town of 40k. There's barely any doctors here. Everyone goes to the same 4-5 providers or so.

SlumberKitty · May 20, 2019 at 02:15 PM

Hey all, I was feeling really anxious today. I SH-ed yesterday and today which means I totally didn't make it until Pentecost. I just couldn't keep going any longer. What a mess I am. I'm not even done. Took some xanax today which finally mellowed me out. I feel like taking a nap now which I can't because I'm at work and then tonight I have PDOC appointment. I feel pretty dang dissociated now but that's probably the xanax too. I'm getting more xanax at the pharmacy tonight so I'm not going to run out.

SlumberKitty · May 20, 2019 at 02:16 PM

I saw my T on Saturday. She said if I get to feeling like I'm going to SUI that I need to talk to her first. To call the receptionist or the after hours people. The receptionist will be all like, she's booked for three and a half weeks but to give them my name and number and she'd fit me in on her lunch break or after hours. So that's nice there's something besides the ER. Because the ER hasn't been too helpful in the past.

SlumberKitty · May 20, 2019 at 02:17 PM

I didn't talk about the hallucinations with T on Saturday because they haven't been bothering me too much. I see Pdoc tonight so I don't know if I should bring them up or not. Probably won't. Just want to get my scripts, go to the pharmacy, get some more gauze and bandage-stuff and go home and go to bed. That sounds like a plan.

cogladaid · May 20, 2019 at 02:18 PM

I see my doctor on Thursday. I think I’ve been doing well. I’m trying to drink less. Haven’t really gone to the gym much but next week hopefully I get to it more.

Not much else to report.

SlumberKitty · May 20, 2019 at 02:18 PM

Been taking my meds but the AP I am almost out of and the pharmacy app says something like in progress. I hope that means they are filling it because I don't want to run out. I do have samples from the doctor that I could take but I would rather not have to rely on those.

SlumberKitty · May 20, 2019 at 02:20 PM

Feeling pretty dissociated and out of it, probably from the xanax. I'm just gonna chill on my lunch break. I hope everyone is doing okay. HUGS Kit

newtus · May 20, 2019 at 02:59 PM

I'm drunk as hell

Blue_Bird · May 20, 2019 at 03:51 PM

Did some yoga then took a shower, feel good

ofthevalley · May 20, 2019 at 04:07 PM

Feel better after seeing my bestest ❤️
I wish it were earlier. I could use a little siesta.

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Roll Call 148

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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 12:26 PM #103 I feel like someone is watching me __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 12:52 PM #104 I guess I'll be eating corndogs all day. It's all we have. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 12:59 PM #105 I feel like doing some hood rat ****.
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	May 20, 2019 at 02:18 PM #115 I see my doctor on Thursday. I think I’ve been doing well. I’m trying to drink less. Haven’t really gone to the gym much but next week hopefully I get to it more. Not much else to report.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 02:18 PM #116 Been taking my meds but the AP I am almost out of and the pharmacy app says something like in progress. I hope that means they are filling it because I don't want to run out. I do have samples from the doctor that I could take but I would rather not have to rely on those. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 02:20 PM #117 Feeling pretty dissociated and out of it, probably from the xanax. I'm just gonna chill on my lunch break. I hope everyone is doing okay. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 02:59 PM #118 I'm drunk as hell __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,716 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 03:51 PM #119 Did some yoga then took a shower, feel good __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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ofthevalley Legendary Member Since Feb 2015 Location: USA Posts: 11,326 (SuperPoster!) 9 499 hugs given	May 20, 2019 at 04:07 PM #120 Feel better after seeing my bestest ❤️ I wish it were earlier. I could use a little siesta.
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