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ARflowerstar
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Member Since: Jan 2015
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Default May 31, 2019 at 01:24 PM
  #1
I'm not diagnosed with any psychotic or delusional disorder, however these symptoms concern me. I do however have an extensive mental health history.

This is just my mh history, you don't have to read. Just skip to the *********

I turned 18 in april. I've been in and out of psych wards since I was 14. I have depression, anxiety, adhd and BPD. When I was 14-15 BPD symptoms was the main issue. From 16-now it was just the crippling depression. Last year I had a 5 month long involuntary admission at 17, as a last resort they told me ECT may benefit me. It did save my life. However I only remained well for about 2 months and had to be admitted again for a few months. Once I was back to myself (kinda) they recommended I have maintenance ECT. I still have maintenance ECT. I had it every 2 weeks for 4-5 months, and now i have it monthly. This is the longest I've been out of hospital (inpatient) for 5 years! 4 months inpatient free!


***************************

Yay for being out of the dumps I guess, but I've had other issues. For the last while (almost 2 months) I've been feeling off. And that feeling has only increased over time. I have these "deja vu" episodes. But it's not deja vu. Because I KNOW it has happened before. It used to happen every few days but now multiple times a day.

I get these "visions" where I remember in detail something happening and I know for sure it happened. But sometimes the visions didn't actually happen yet. I just think I did. So when I kept getting these "deja vu" feelings (that aren't actually deja vu because I know it happened already), I realized that I can sometimes predict the future?

At first I really thought I had psychic powers. Not in a delusional way, I just have a very open mind, and explore all possibilities. I still think it could be possible but this ability is really messing with my life

I have to keep asking myself if something really happened or not, because my brain thinks it does, but then someone else will tell me something that gives me evidence that it didn't.... And then I get really confused and I don't know what is even happening.

Or I was with my friend and we went on a walk and I told her we have been there before because I remembered in full detail what we did, what we talked about, etc. But my friend kept saying we have never been here, ever. I thought maybe SHE forgot.

Every time I'm going about my day, I keep getting information sent to my mind, and I don't know from where. Like if I'm doing something, (for example if i were to have some stain on a shirt) my brain would literally tell me "Did you know that *blank* will get rid of that stain with no problem!" I know it sounds like maybe i'm having "THOUGHTS" but they aren't thoughts. These NEW pieces of information just pop into my mind and after I thank the message, I have to keep asking myself "Where the hell did the information come from".

I've noticed that I automatically have kept saying "I read somewhere that..." to myself or others when information comes in and then I realized how many times a day I kept telling myself or others that same thing and then I realized, I didn't actually read it somewhere. It just came in. I don't even understand what's happening with that and I keep forgetting so many things.

When the "deja vu" thing happens, since I know it's happened before FOR SURE but can't explain it or have proof, I have to keep rationalizing it to make it work.. I don't know why but I just do. And so basically when it happens I tell myself "oh i must have seen this before but just forgot". "oh i must have read it somewhere but just forgot" "oh i did this or that and just forgot"

I don't know but everything is so confusing and I keep asking myself what the actual **** is happening and i've noticed i'm more suspicious of others and even people close to me and I just keep asking myself "why the heck did i just think my family would do that"

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore I'm already confused but I'm worried about myself but I really don't know.

So there are only 3 possibilities:

- I really do have psychic powers but I can't control them which is why it is messing up my life with everything and it keeps ruining everything and won't let me think properly.

- I have a brain tumour which is why my brain is not working properly and making me feel off and have all these problems

- I am losing my sanity



Please let me know which of the 3 are more likely, thanks.
Because i really don't know.



So

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* Major Depressive Disorder
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* ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)
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Default May 31, 2019 at 01:33 PM
  #2
Honestly doesn’t sound like any of the three options...people sometimes experience deja vu you just seem to experience it more often than average.

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