Roll Call 149

It looks like you used a vinegarette or Italian dressing. What did you use? Looks delicious!

I've been reading my book by sylvia plath slower and slower. Less pages at a time. I'm closing to finishing it, and I'm sure I will, but I've been writing more.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Just EVO actually.

I do make a roasted veggie pasta with vinegarette.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Someone from UK just bought my book!!!!!
My first overseas sale!

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I'm 23. Almost.

I don't have time left. I have to do skills, increase learning and brain complex things right now! Physically and mentally.

My night time job got in the way of setting my goals. That was nasty. My brain went to complete mush with my trainer.

40% of people respond to antidepressants. 30% respond to placebo.

Resistance that I know I should write, or paint.. I know something I should do..

But I have to fight the resistance.. that's the only way to fight negative symptoms. Stuff like exercise, meditation, complex brain training..

Everything that I think about doing which I don't want to do, and I do it, I'll consider that a win. And this will happen every day.

So basically I'm just starting my life right now.

I can't feel happy

Cuz I feel alone to death

I need friends to guide me

I thought about writing down my thoughts and recording them and then just putting them out there, however hours long.

But I need to be more interesting. I feel like I don't have any life experience. Just the hell and torture I've been through with this illness.

In quasi-psychosis, my thoughts seem so interesting. That's why I want to lower the injection - to make me happier and have more thoughts. Risperidone numbs my brain like a zombie and decreases my thoughts. Do you blame me for wanting to be a little psychotic? Hear me out.. (And you probably already are used to me saying this.. because that's basically all I talk about on here..), Everyone I find interesting has had some sort of life experience and talks about crazy ideas that makes me say to myself, "Why am I on the injection? Was my psychosis really THAT bad that my psychiatrist gave me schizophrenia label?". I know the first intake I was labelled "psychotic" but that was related to many things. I just was alone with my thoughts and yes I have weird thoughts. I have schizotypal personality disorder maybe.

I can't smoke weed cuz I get anxious and paranoid. But the reason people smoke it is to escape their own reality.. to make things more interesting.. and oddly enough, that can trigger psychosis in people predisposed to it. So I'm definitely making some sort of sense. Schizophrenia is interesting to scientists. Why? Cuz it's about losing touch with reality.. and what is reality?

*GONG SOUND*.. That, is reality.

Never fear, creepy not so secret crush is here :P

The thing with that is... people can be engrossed into their own reality, they forget to take care of themselves and live. Psychotics tend to neglect their personal needs because they're delusions and hallucinations are more important.

People spend time on;

Bf-husband/gf-wife/kids
Soul sucking job
Television
Spending their money on shiny things
Eating junk food
Sleeping
The bar, cheating on husband/wife with kids

I swear I got this XD

@ Newtus, to answer your question. I listen to music for the lyrics. Lyrics only.

If it sounds good then I vibe for a bonus

Well, while that may not seem ideal to you... people crave a family/relationship.... to feel not so alone in this world. I know I crave a relationship. Not so much starting a family but because I'm lonely and want a S/O I can share my life with. My given family isn't the most comforting. I'm lonely. I'm alone without the internet.

I am a one not a half

Sometimes I think of having a relationship but it will just happen naturally in like 10 years or something

Then we'll break up soon after and it will be because of my lack of giving.

Like my relationship when I was 17. I'm like "This shouldn't even have happened in the first place. It was your idea not mine".

I just want friends. And I'll support their relationships. That's if I ever get friends.

If I don't kms =]

not saying you are half... Not a believer of "this is my other half and we are a whole". Hell I don't even think that there's somewhere out there for everyone. I crave a relationship. Someone who cares and shows me love that I've not gotten through out the years of my life. I crave a family to have a purpose of living. My heart gets weaker as I get older... The lonelier I get. The friends that I make have their own families to uphold. I crave a loving relationship. I crave a purpose.

I wrote something just now. I call it, "Talking to crazy before morning meds".

Keep telling me about these things
All of these crazy things
All I can do is listen against my will
I put my pills in my hand
Walk into the kitchen to get some water
I take them and you question
Why?
Well, I want to be sedated
Listening to you..
Why?
Do you want a few?
Don’t tell me that you’re scared
I know what it’s like to be afraid
By the way, I’ve heard it all before
I don’t even want to live anymore
Look out the window!
The sun is rising
We had a good talk
Together in my mind
Before my morning meds

Tweaky, I got a question for you...

Do you ever feel lonely?

Morning

I finished The Bell Jar...but I have so many questions...

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Maybe I don't. Maybe I just get bored. When I'm completely alone, I like people around to feel safe from my thoughts.

Symptoms
Schizotypal personality disorder typically includes five or more of these signs and symptoms:

Being a loner and lacking close friends outside of the immediate family