Roll Call 149

I wish I had a cig

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

The Bell Jar was kinda sad, but it wasn't depressing. Idk. Maybe I'm in a good place that it didnt depress me. Especially the ending seemed to end on a semi happy note.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Just got home from breakfast, turned the AC on

Morning! Been up a couple of hours. I haven’t been sleeping great but I’m not overly tired so I guess it’s all good.
Soaking my feet in Epsom Salt before my shower.
Going shopping today. Yay! I’ve been dying to shop .
Getting my daughters swimsuit and we’re getting paper products for my clam boil, and I need a new beverage container. I have like 6 from when I worked at Princess House but I can’t find the damn things. They must be somewhere in the attic...in which case I’ll probably never find them.
I may make a quick trip to the shelter too .
Other than that I just have a couple emails to take care of for work.
My son’s working all day and my daughter is going out later. Just me and hubby for the evening.
I’m feeling really restless lately. I don’t know exactly how to explain it but it’s like I’m fighting this internal battle to NOT just get in the car and go. Good thing I’m broke

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

I was researching broccoli sprouts and how they have sulforaphane in them. It's an anti-aging, anti-cancer, etc etc does 30 different things. 60mg sulforaphane is in 140g fresh broccoli sprouts.

I'm starting 3 day water fast again. If I fail, I'm going to the grocery store sooner to get broccoli sprouts and then I'll boil a cup of water to 100C and add half a cup of room temperature water to make 70C and heat them for 10 minutes to increase bioavailability by 3.5x.

Then I will quit smoking after my pack for good. Now I have some motivation to kill my pre-cancer cells. Then I'll start exercising again.

I'm thinking of just doing online college courses for now instead of buying a course to go to here. There's way more options if I'm just interested in learning randomly if I have no idea what I want to do.

I made a request for a kilogram of sulforaphane from a research company in the US and put it under a company's name in Canada that I used to buy research chemicals from. Now they sell things like Soma, zopiclone, Ambien, tizanidine, psychedelics, etc..

Crazy stuff.. I've been listening to Alan Watts, music, going on reddit and listening to podcasts to pass time..

So far I've had a good night and took a vyvanse cuz I want to stay up today then sleep at night and then my sleeping schedule will be better.

My mom is grumpy cuz she has to work this morning and shut down anything I told her of "Does the grocery store sell broccoli sprouts?".

I still feel depressed but oh well

Broccoli sprouts and broccoli is good for schizophrenia btw

"sulforaphane regulates glutamate, in people with schizophrenia this is very valuable as recent studies show glutamate regulations plays a much larger role in stability over the previously thought dopamine. which is to say, a diet high in sulforaphane has the potential to regulate and stabilize individuals with this condition. As we are discovering, typical pharmaceuticals do not do their job particularly long term in regards to psychiatric conditions.(research also correlates inflammation being a major culprit and i would wager other flavonoids playing significant roles as well)"

Took a long walk then finished watching a documentary series called Native America. It was really good. Not sure what I'll o next, probably read or draw

Ran into a friend when I was out at breakfast today so we ate together. My other friend is coming over to hang out tomorrow

Making herb roasted potatoes

Had a Vyvanse sleep.. Was dreaming while awake.. Was like I was on DMT..

It was someones last day at partial hospital today, kinda sad but also sweet. I've only been there 3 weeks but I feel like I really knew them well.

Roasted potatoes came out great, really delicious

Gonna ask my pdoc two things monday

1) ask him if he could test my lithium levels, my outpatient doc never did this, with the justification that you are only worrying about lithium toxicity at much higher doses. But I wanna check, just to make sure it's at a therapeutic level.

2) ask him to do something about my anxiety, a SSRI or new benzo probably. I have built a tolerance to Klonopin. Used to, I would take 0.5mg and it'd not only stop a panic attack but also knock me out for half the day. Now, I take 1mg twice a day and it does nothing to me, like I'm taking a sugar pill. I'd prefer to go on an SSRI as that seems a much better way to get rid of anxiety than relying on benzos.

Yes! Definitely ask them to monitor it.
When I went inpatient I had been on lithium for a couple months. I’d had my levels checked once and they never said anything about it. Well when they took my blood at intake they accused me over and over again of not taking it because I was on a high dose and nowhere near a therapeutic level. They grilled my husband about it and he actually brought them my bottle to prove I’d been taking it. They of course said I must be throwing it away. I never ever did. I took it faithfully.
Best to be sure it’s doing what it’s supposed to.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Buncha buttwipes!!!!! I hate that! Sorry that happened to you!

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

When I was on lithium years ago they never took my levels but maybe 2-3 times. I got a bit sick.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Yeah I wouldn’t mess with lithium without the draws. Too high and you get sick. Too low and it just doesn’t work.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Last time I was on it it took quite a bit of messing with the dose to get to a therapeutic range with my levels. I'm expecting the same this time, quite annoying.

two things
i did take my meds today and tonight , i wasn't real happy about it but i promised the bf that i would. so thats on hold for awhile.
2nd thing is YIPPIE, my jeans i got in the mail yesterday fit like a dream. Right length , stay up and don't bind and no camel toe lol. I want another pair already.

I'm moved into my condo with Bobby

Will take some pics once I get a lil more unpacked

Mom got me a new mattress and box spring. It's a queen size so my feet won't hang off the end now! I also got a replacement phone shipped to me yesterday thru insurance. New condo, new bed, new phone!wow

Slept very good, pretty freaking excited about every thing . Doesn't feel real yet. I keep thinking I'm staying in a hotel or Smth.

Gotta find time to unpack while working . We thought we weren't gonna get the condo at the end of may, but here I am, chilling on the screen porch balcony