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ofthevalley
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: USA
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#241
__________________ Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety
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Angelique67, Blue_Bird, Gr3tta_0, newtus, Sometimes psychotic
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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#242
I'm trying to build knowledge and get focus, motivation, a bit of hedonia, interest in a passion, better cognitive ability, creativity, better memory (Less brain fog) all while relaxed at the same time.
I don't think meditation is working for me. I WANT to be stressed and active. I WANT the mental insanity and things to be pissed off about. I don't want to be "normal" like I once wanted to be.. Like completely zen with no problems or challenges just vegetating, stuck in traffic, eating crappy food, ****** job, drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes, wife, kids then travel when I'm old. I want exciting things to happen. I always talk about life with such energy of what it could be and I have a good imagination about it. I live in a grandiose alternate false reality and I want to make it a reality. First I'm starting with a 3 day water fast which will give me energy instead of just eating whenever which gives dopamine and relaxes me. I want to be agitated a little. Like imagine all the drug cravings I must have? I never have cravings I just have an obsession. Then I'm gonna do bunch of more research and I want it to be entertaining. I want to know everything about everything and go deep into thought so I'll meditate after I become stressed. I wish stimulants affected me like a normal person but I'm extremely tired all the time that it just cancels that out. I'm going to try and challenge my negative symptoms with self therapy and research because my current therapist isn't helping. She's a really bad therapist. There's so many things that I want to do but I don't even know where to start. I don't have the resources and have to figure that out for myself. Yesterday was a really ****** day. I talked to no one so I had no social interaction. Just alone and a zombie. I was so tired and had heart paranoia so I took benzos and felt so unmotivated and wanted to do things so I took vyvanse at midnight and then did 3 hours of research then slept the whole night and morning. I think it's because the injection kicked in. 2 days ago was so much better. I'm feeling a bit better now. Oddly enough, if I didn't take the Vyvanse, I wouldn't be able to sleep. I can't sleep without taking Vyvanse. I just sleep for 5-30 minutes then stay awake for 5 minutes and repeat 24 hours a day which feels literally like I'm being tortured by someone. |
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Anonymous40796, Blue_Bird
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Elder
cogladaid
is feeling more stable
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,559
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#243
Quote:
Why do you want to do a three day water fast? They don’t really do anything and will leave you with no energy. |
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Blue_Bird
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Grand Magnate
falcon09
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,017
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#244
Gonna have Wendy's for supper. I feel cold, super chilly.
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Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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#245
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Legendary Wise Elder
Blue_Bird
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Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
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#246
Yeah, the water fasts aren't helpful. Just focus on eating healthy, you need food for energy
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Elder
childofchaos831
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Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,037
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#247
Just want quiet. Starting to give up hope that the demons will ever go away for good. They always come back. They never stay away. What's the point in fighting them if they are just gonna keep coming back? What's the point in fighting at all really?
__________________ Diagnoses: PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain |
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Blue_Bird, falcon09
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Legendary Wise Elder
Blue_Bird
is ready for recovery!
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,660
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#248
How'd your therapist appointment go?
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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childofchaos831
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Grand Magnate
falcon09
has no updates.
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,017
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#249
constantly being tortured by voices. Even during partial hospital they were there, just quietly chattering. I wish this Vraylar would kick in
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Anonymous40796, Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Blue_Bird
is ready for recovery!
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,660
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#250
Hope it kicks in soon for you Falcon, what dose are you on? I take 3mg, also take 600mg seroquel though
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Elder
cogladaid
is feeling more stable
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,559
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#251
Quote:
You body need calories and energy to survive. Starving yourself for three days you’ll lose some quick weight and feel exhausted and shaky and cranky. I’ve done half that because I’m crazy eating disordered and felt terrible. |
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Blue_Bird, falcon09
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Grand Magnate
falcon09
has no updates.
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,017
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#252
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Blue_Bird
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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#253
I'm not going to argue or talk about water fasting when there's people here with eating disorders. I'm just doing it because what I've learned in my anthropology course and research I did by how society is screwed with all the processed foods and how our bodies are still designed to be hungry for days at a time. People on islands that were colonized by westerners have very poor health now that they eat what we eat. We still have the same bodies like in hunter gatherer times. But I can't argue about that here. I just made a small mention yet no one commented on the other things I'm talking about. So I'm sorry if I triggered anyone.
I honestly don't think I should be posting here when I'm doing well. That's why I'm posting less. So just ignore all of my content instead of picking at me for my controversial things.. I guess I just shouldn't post here at all because I'm too much of an outcast. |
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Blue_Bird, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Blue_Bird
is ready for recovery!
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,660
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#254
I wasn't arguing with you Desoxyn, yes I have an ED, it didn't trigger me I'm just saying from personal experience water fasts make you feel like crap
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn
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Elder
cogladaid
is feeling more stable
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,559
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#255
Quote:
I’m not trying to argue with you and you haven’t triggered me I’m just concerned because water fasts are not a good idea in general but you can do whatever you want. I don’t know what to say about anything else I’m sorry I’m bad at advice. |
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Desoxyn
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Legendary Wise Elder
Blue_Bird
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Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,660
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#256
I don't think anyone was nitpicking or telling you not to do something, sorry you felt that way. Was just stating an opinion/personal experience, didn't mean to offend you
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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#257
I don't even know what I believe. I'm too young. I'm trying to get my life together but my therapist isn't even helping me. I'm too focused on the future and feel like what's the point of even trying when I can't get information of help myself because of negative symptoms? I need someone to guide me. Someone that knows what to do. But the last time that happened was when an old man was helping me with my life and then wanted sex with me.
I try.. I try... It's not like I'm giving up. I just don't know what to do and my dad is like "Everyone your age feels that way". So idk... |
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Anonymous40796, Blue_Bird
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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#258
Soz you @ bluebird I'm just frustrated and escalated for no reason cuz I get attacked by people all the time. But I want this frustration? Idk.. I'm so confused. Maybe being frustrated isn't healthy.
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Anonymous40796, Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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The Dopamine Flux
newtus
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Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
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#259
Why do u as people questions and you rarely post anything about YOU here?
__________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Elder
cogladaid
is feeling more stable
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,559
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#260
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junkDNA
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