Roll Call 149

Erti and I were talking on facebook. Now Im gonna watch podcast cuz before I was caught in the interest of how easy it is to order fentanyl from china. I was just curious. It's really easy.

I like to add that she has every right to post here even if she doesn't feel like disclosing things about herself in real life. She's not criticizing Tweaky but stating what she knows about water fasting. It's concerning and what he post here is open to discussion because it's public forum. I don't think she's being critical here.

I was more referring to the snapchat convo, it seemed that is why Newtus said that on here. But idk , that was my assumption

I didn't mean to start a row, as the british would say. Agitated me back then in the time of yesterday.

Oh, I've been avoiding snapchat today. I didn't see the convo on snapchat. Today has not been a good day for me at all... :/ this YEAR hasn't been a good year at all.

I'm sorry things are tough and I hope things improve

A friend of mine died from cancer about a week ago. When I was actually conscience today my ex voice chatted with me about it. His funeral is on Thursday. Just hope I can go.

Hopefully when I'm 40, 50, 60, I'll have so much experience in life and memories and stories that my train of thought will be more interesting to me. If nuclear war doesn't happen. Doctors will be like "Well you seem to have stable age induced disorganized thinking so there's no point giving you the injection anymore".

Life sucks... sometimes I wish I was never born or existed. Then I wouldn't know what it was like to feel this bad and I wouldn't be scared to leave the world with fear of never feeling happiness at the same time. That's why death scares me. I'm scared I'd never feel happiness again in the afterlife or if there's even an afterlife. However, the more life kicks me in the *** the more likely I want to die and end it all. when does happiness outweigh the bad? I live for the people I care about in life... not for myself.

It seems the only way to make the demons quiet is to do what they say... And they are saying I need to die...

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Voices strip us of our belief that we control our own thoughts. So I'm just here to say that you are in control of your own thoughts. Not demons. Don't let them have power over you.

I believe that demons aren't real. Not in this reality.

I've tried telling the to go away and leave me alone and they won't. I've tried just plain ignoring them and it doesn't help, they just get louder and louder til I can't ignore them anymore. I took my meds a few hours ago and I can't sleep because they are so loud. I don't know what else I can do to help make them quiet.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

What helped me was writing everything down that they say because when they did say things, I forget what they say a moment afterwards. Idk if that's just me or everyone that hears voices doesn't remember most of what they say. It was very random stuff that they said. I haven't heard voices in like 4-5 years.

Then try to make sense of it. You don't have to write it here but like in your notes or something.

I write it down sometimes. Right now, they are screaming and talking over each other and chanting. It's hard to make it all out. The dancing is really getting to me too. I see them also. See and hear them, like at the same time, the same ones.

I'm sitting on my front porch cuz there's nothing out here I can hurt myself with. I'm just hoping I can sleep soon. Messing around on my phone but it's hard to concentrate on anything except my coloring app.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

You don't think demons are real? Can I ask why? Maybe if I can challenge their existence, it'll help...

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

I don't think they're real because I'm a forced atheist. At most, I don't know because I'm an agnostic. And I'm a pantheist for fun. Before taking an overdose of a psychedelic which induced a severe psychotic state, I was a complete atheist just because of the way that my brain was wired. I was very logical and analytical. So in my opinion, reality isn't you or me, it's the external world including us. I go as far as to believe I'm God in a psychotic state just because the feeling and thought won't leave me alone.

It's like how people say "Drugs are just a crutch for reality". Drugs don't change your reality. Reality stays the same.

Demons don't occur in nature without lifeforms to envision them. If there was no life, who would know what demons are? Would we all be in the afterlife with the "demons"?

People work together and there's no evidence that demons are seen by multiple people at the same time. For all we know, 30 people that seen demons could all be hallucinating at the same time. It could be a coincidence. For demons to be actually real (To find common ground between us in a way..), humans would have to create them physically using holograms, projectors, matter based or using energy weapons and thought reading technology.

What matters with thought reading technology is being able to ignore the fact that it could exist. I'm not saying it does exist. It's possible. Anything is possible. But then it's the other way around.. It's your own reality that is making it true because of neurochemistry, a chemical imbalance.

Eastern society says that Western society has lost it's connection with spirit. It just depends on how you look at things. If the way you're looking at it is causing you pain, in your case, antipsychotics can change the brain chemistry.. but people can be psychotic just out of sheer environmental coincidence if they have the gene.. but there's multiple genes not just one gene. Marijuana can cause schizophrenia easily in those predisposed to it.

Or maybe it does cause schizophrenia. I haven't done enough research in my own opinion to be comfortable with saying it doesn't. It could be propaganda to trick people in the opposite direction than in the 50's with "reefer madness". It was easy enough to trick people with that, the drug war and everything else that is wrong with this world.

I liked everything you said but this part stuck out the most. If I can just remember that it's my brain doing it. That my brain is wired wrong or the chemicals are off or whatever else could be the reason... My brain is making the demons real. They are only real to me. That doesn't make the actually real.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Yeah I mean people say bipolar isn't a chemical imbalance unless they've seen someone with bipolar having a severe episode. If that's not enough, I'll ask them what happens when they take MDMA.. woosh.. mania.. chemical imbalance..

Schizophrenia is a tough one too because the only thing that seems to really help is antipsychotic medication. And they're trying hard (I hope) to invent and test better antipsychotics that work for treatment resistant people with less side effects.

Reassurance always makes me feel better because part of it is not trusting reassurance but also not trusting yourself. Reassurance just to trust yourself makes the psychosis at least a bit more manageable and less of an alone feeling.

It does feel really alone. Especially late at night. It's 4 am here right now.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain