Roll Call 149

Desoxyn · Jun 24, 2019 at 08:40 PM

Drinking a cider because I don't feel comfortable with my existence. I want to talk to people about the future and stuff and I want to have fun but I'm so bored and have to sleep the whole day and work all night.

Desoxyn · Jun 24, 2019 at 09:01 PM

The cider helped me feel more "fun". It surrounds and covers the dead inside =]

Desoxyn · Jun 24, 2019 at 09:22 PM

I wish I had friends again. I'm fcukin lonely..

Desoxyn · Jun 24, 2019 at 09:25 PM

I wanna get high and a little * up...

ofthevalley · Jun 24, 2019 at 09:49 PM

Hey!
Long day. Spent 6 hours sitting in a court room and an hour and a half driving back and forth to get money.
I only got about 2 hours sleep last night. I’m tired but my stomach hurts so I’m unlikely to sleep.
Stressed about my friend. 3rd DUI arrest. Totally and completely ruined his life. His own fault. Just sad. He’s like my chosen family.

junkDNA · Jun 25, 2019 at 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Just browsing the internet and trying to relax after a long day.

Trying not to worry about pharmacy stuff.

I'm really obsessive with my anxiety, it's annoying.

It sucks when they put u on a new med that pharmacies dont keep in stock.on the regular, it happens a lot with my invega

sadveiledbride · Jun 25, 2019 at 03:20 AM

I feel really ****** about myself. I'm in pain.

Erti · Jun 25, 2019 at 05:32 AM

So I broke down and bought a subscription on Funimation to watch the English dub of the reboot of Fruits Basket. So far I like it. However, I don't care much for Momiji's voices/accent. Sounds very fake and annoying.

Blue_Bird · Jun 25, 2019 at 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

So I broke down and bought a subscription on Funimation to watch the English dub of the reboot of Fruits Basket. So far I like it. However, I don't care much for Momiji's voices/accent. Sounds very fake and annoying.

I loved the manga of Fruits Basket

Desoxyn · Jun 25, 2019 at 06:18 AM

I quit my job cuz I cant stand the guy training me. He's an asshole.

I never told them about my mental health at all. My coworker asked me how do I survive on part time and I just said that I live with my mom so it was easy to cover it up.

This was the email I wrote to the manager that hired me;

"Hi,

I had to walk out at around 6am. This guy pj thinks he's a genius calling everyone stupid and talks down to me. He's been doing this for 8 years and thinks it's the most complex thing ever even though its repetitive and easy. If it was someone else, I would be happy to do this job but I can't take one more second being around this guy always making really perverted comments to guests and stuff like that.

I'm not going to try again. I already think I'm worthless and have no idea what I'm going to do with my life now that I've failed by bringing my mental health into this.

Sorry and good luck finding someone that can tolerate his bs."

Desoxyn · Jun 25, 2019 at 06:20 AM

The guy before me quit on the first day. I lasted 3 days until I decided that I'd just get more suicidal thoughts being around him any more.

Erti · Jun 25, 2019 at 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I loved the manga of Fruits Basket

I've read all the manga.

Have you ever seen the first anime? It's pretty good. the reboot is good too. Reboot should follow more to the manga than the first anime did.

Desoxyn · 06:49 AM

I just feel completely worthless. I've failed. I don't even see the point of existing. Like what am I doing here? What am I doing every day? It's not worth it.

Edti: When people talk to me, I hate the way I talk back. I usually don't care to react about what people say because of anhedonia so I just act. All I do is act. I hate myself. I wish I was someone else.

My step dad caused me to act this way. I didn't stand up for myself. I just acted.

It's like I have some type of severe identity crisis.

Erti · Jun 25, 2019 at 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I just feel completely worthless. I've failed. I don't even see the point of existing. Like what am I doing here? What am I doing every day? It's not worth it.

I feel ya. I've been fighting on not swallowing my **** ton supply of propranolol. I don't know anymore. I feel numb one moment and extreme sadness the next. When I'm numb I'm like "at least I'm not sad right now" and when I'm sad I think of many reasons to kill or not kill myself. It's emotional time for me. really hard time for me here lately. I get ya.

Blue_Bird · Jun 25, 2019 at 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

I've read all the manga.

Have you ever seen the first anime? It's pretty good. the reboot is good too. Reboot should follow more to the manga than the first anime did.

No I haven't seen the anime, I'll have to check it out sometime

Desoxyn · Jun 25, 2019 at 08:01 AM

I could have just said "Stop and let me work and don't say anything" because he was impatient about things that he didn't even need to be impatient about. I could have said a lot of things. But in the end, I don't have confidence to even talk, I don't care. I don't care about anything. I could handle my coworker if I cared enough. But I don't.

That's anhedonia killing me slowly.

Desoxyn · Jun 25, 2019 at 08:07 AM

Apathy.....

Desoxyn · Jun 25, 2019 at 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

I feel ya. I've been fighting on not swallowing my **** ton supply of propranolol. I don't know anymore. I feel numb one moment and extreme sadness the next. When I'm numb I'm like "at least I'm not sad right now" and when I'm sad I think of many reasons to kill or not kill myself. It's emotional time for me. really hard time for me here lately. I get ya.

Don't take the load of propranolol. I have chemicals I could take that would for sure kill a couple people and I think of taking them but I won't. I wish I could just end it but I can't leave my family.

Things can get better.

Desoxyn · Jun 25, 2019 at 09:59 AM

Humans mouths were designed to take psychosis pills

Blue_Bird · Jun 25, 2019 at 12:43 PM

Slept for part of the day

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Roll Call 149

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,980 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,908 hugs given	Jun 24, 2019 at 08:40 PM #601 Drinking a cider because I don't feel comfortable with my existence. I want to talk to people about the future and stuff and I want to have fun but I'm so bored and have to sleep the whole day and work all night.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,980 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,908 hugs given	Jun 24, 2019 at 09:01 PM #602 The cider helped me feel more "fun". It surrounds and covers the dead inside =]
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,980 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,908 hugs given	Jun 24, 2019 at 09:22 PM #603 I wish I had friends again. I'm fcukin lonely..
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,980 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,908 hugs given	Jun 24, 2019 at 09:25 PM #604 I wanna get high and a little * up...
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ofthevalley Legendary Member Since Feb 2015 Location: USA Posts: 11,326 (SuperPoster!) 9 499 hugs given	Jun 24, 2019 at 09:49 PM #605 Hey! Long day. Spent 6 hours sitting in a court room and an hour and a half driving back and forth to get money. I only got about 2 hours sleep last night. I’m tired but my stomach hurts so I’m unlikely to sleep. Stressed about my friend. 3rd DUI arrest. Totally and completely ruined his life. His own fault. Just sad. He’s like my chosen family.
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sadveiledbride Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: ??? Posts: 738 5 830 hugs given	Jun 25, 2019 at 03:20 AM #607 I feel really ****** about myself. I'm in pain.
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Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Jun 25, 2019 at 05:32 AM #608 So I broke down and bought a subscription on Funimation to watch the English dub of the reboot of Fruits Basket. So far I like it. However, I don't care much for Momiji's voices/accent. Sounds very fake and annoying.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,980 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,908 hugs given	Jun 25, 2019 at 06:20 AM #611 The guy before me quit on the first day. I lasted 3 days until I decided that I'd just get more suicidal thoughts being around him any more.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,980 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,908 hugs given	Jun 25, 2019 at 08:07 AM #617 Apathy.....
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,980 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,908 hugs given	Jun 25, 2019 at 09:59 AM #619 Humans mouths were designed to take psychosis pills
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,723 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Jun 25, 2019 at 12:43 PM #620 Slept for part of the day __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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