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The_little_didgee
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 12:58 PM
  #21
I experienced psychosis in my mid twenties. During that time I became very paranoid. It felt like I was being watched through the TV, web camera and magazines. Any photo with eyes would stare back at me and it was a very penetrating stare. My privacy was gone, including what I was thinking. Everything about me the public could see and hear.

The world was grey and cold. The bottom half was red. The North Koreans were taking over the world and I was the only one who knew. Gradually I felt like I was being pursued, because I knew this was happening. This information was being communicated to me through magazines and the TV. It was also revealed in my dreams.

This experience was torture. It made me very anxious. The agitation I had was also bad. At times it got severe that I would just walk around the city at night for hours and hours, just so I wouldn't violently explode. One time I walked by a hospital and thought about going to Emergency but didn't, because 5 years previously, I had a traumatic psychiatric experience. I was misdiagnosed with BPD and accused of attention seeking. I wasn't going to submit myself to that again, so I walked past the place. - I got treated thanks to a social worker. The Zyprexa started to clear my thinking within 3 days.

For years I was was sort of ashamed of this experience. I never really discussed it in depth until recently with my psychiatrist, who wasn't treating me at that time.

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 07:12 PM
  #22
I have listed pages and pages of them, and could probably fill new pages, because it just never ends. I had a psych folder for a while where I would draw little flow charts and try to put everything together to organize the chaos and try to get everything on paper, but I eventually just threw it away and now I don't even bother trying to remember or list all the beliefs I've had that people find delusional. It's just part of my life.
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Default Apr 17, 2020 at 03:44 PM
  #23
I had a "brief" obsessive psychotic episode last year mostly involving feelings through a person following 1.5 year of no contact and unsolved issue

It is possible that i removed a part of the experience from my mind while trying to cope with what happened before and unable to share any feelings about with anyone.
One day i saw some updates from him on a social media and i went very alarmed and confused after reading (between the lines) that he had been into some problems and depression -also because of what happened with me -it wasn't explicit at first though-. Like he write short updates, normal things but i understood he had been bad and i had like a sudden epyphany and regret

I was so frustated and confused that i vomit twice while crying. i still feel i could have this symptom when i think about though is rare
I didn't know what to do and who to talk to, i called a helpline and was not able to explain
I was coming out from a period of self isolation and unemployment and possibly ny mental health was really down in that moment because i couldn't realize something in my behaviour

I tried to contact him and send confused messages because i felt a desperate need to hear from him
He accepted to meet me even if i could feel that he saw that i wasn't mentally ok

When we met i was in a catatonic state and it ended with him running away and cutting the contacts again
I never found the courage to write to him even if the psychosis climax was over

Problem is since i couldn't talk clearly we never had a closure and that was crazy.
Never heard from him since them, he blocked me, then unblocked. Silence, fog

I should explain more but it's been a nightmare

I guess at least now he's forgetting me or moving on, but his life has been damaged, made him lose time

This never happened to me in my life before
Psychotherapy couldn't help me in time as at first i couldn't reach for it

Very bad experience, couldn't fix and also new year started badly
I'm praying trying to heal

Last edited by Gasplessy; Apr 17, 2020 at 04:02 PM..
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Default Apr 25, 2020 at 08:49 AM
  #24
I feel like every time I go out people are looking at me. Somewhat like the Truman Show I guess? But not everyone. Just some people. Either someone I know from school, or strangers. And they observe me, recording everything I say so they can use it against me later. And looking at my every move to find my weaknesses. I also feel like someone is monitoring everything I do, from putting cameras in my room, to reading what I’m writing at the moment in this message.

I haven’t told anyone (except you, reading this). Is it a delusion?
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Default Apr 27, 2020 at 11:18 AM
  #25
I was having what I think might have been a delusion today of something pouring off of me, not like water but something stickier. I think it might have been a delusion because I've had something similar that others have told me was a delusion and trying to reality test it, my chair isn't wet, my clothes aren't wet or dirty, etc. I get all sorts of delusions. Actually maybe that was a hallucination. A tactile one. I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it didn't happen though it felt very real at the time. Very convincing.

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Default Apr 28, 2020 at 09:54 PM
  #26
Phantoms watching every move I make and communicating with me (could see this being a possibility still, I mean think of a psychic or a clairvoyant for example).
People in a cult or secret group spying on me from outside my house (I realize those people were just hallucinations but you never know and can be too careful. Don't be paranoid but be cautious cause some people turn out to be nothing like you think they are from experience).
Family and friends trying to work with such secret group and poison me or lead me on that it was all fake to take me out down the road or keep me in ignorance as to spy on me or study me (I know that 99% of people are like snakes. They'll drag you down with them and you gotta rise above them and not let people tell you how to live your life or pacify you into ignorance. However something to this extent is ridiculous I know I was over my own head at the time now).
That I came to this world to make a huge impact and shift the entire consciousness of the physical dimension (You never know any one of us has that potential. Not like I'm saying I'm Jesus).
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Default Apr 28, 2020 at 11:05 PM
  #27
A clue for me that I'm experiencing a delusion is that the speech is drawn out word for word. Slowed down speech which is scarier because I expect something mean any minute. Also I ask in my mind if it is a delusion and it answers back "yes" or "what do you think?"
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Default Apr 29, 2020 at 12:12 PM
  #28
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Originally Posted by Goforward View Post
A clue for me that I'm experiencing a delusion is that the speech is drawn out word for word. Slowed down speech which is scarier because I expect something mean any minute. Also I ask in my mind if it is a delusion and it answers back "yes" or "what do you think?"
Usually I’d say don’t pay attention to them but at least they’re being honest letting you know it’s a delusion. Little envious lol.
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Default Nov 12, 2020 at 09:16 PM
  #29
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Originally Posted by Slater View Post
I recovered from a major psychosis last year. I had never been through anything like it before and never expected to ever go through something like it. This here is a list of things I thought/believed while in my psychosis:

1. The main delusion was that I believed people were watching me somehow. At first I thought people were just watching me through my webcam and/or cell phone camera. Then it evolved into me believing there were cameras in the walls ALL OVER my house. Then my delusions got much bigger - I thought perhaps there was a satellite camera in space capturing my every move. I had classic "Truman Show" Syndrome. Like the movie The Truman Show, I believed my life was a sort of television show and that people had been watching me every day for years.

2. At first I thought only one person was stalking me - and then wanting to kill me for some reason. Then it evolved into thinking the ILLUMINATI was targeting me. Or perhaps some kind of murder group on the Dark Web.

3. I was a member of a different Internet forum. I became convinced the members of this forum were not who they claimed to be. I thought the forum was a "front" for something more evil and sinister. Again, either Dark Web stuff or Illuminati or something evil.

4. I became convinced that THE ENTIRE INTERNET was devoted to watching my life unfold and that everything written in the media and shown on TV -- commercials, shows, news, etc -- was CRYPTICALLY about me. I began seeing the number "12" everywhere and was convinced "12" was a secret Illuminati code number. This was so weird that to this day, I still get worried when I see someone say "12" online.

5. I thought that Donald Trump was like an avatar being used to represent me, and that I was the real President of the United States, and that every move I made dictated how the world stage was going to unfold.

6. I thought that comic strips and newspaper articles cryptically were created to speak of and talk about me.

7. Biggest delusion -- I thought someone, or a group of people, snuck into my room at night, chloroformed me while I was asleep, and injected me with millions of cancer cells while I slept. I thought I had cancer growing in my body. Brain cancer, lung cancer, male breast cancer, testicular cancer - I thought I was going to get it all. And I thought it was going to start showing itself in the springtime -- when it started to get warm and hot outside. I was deathly afraid that heat was going to cause cancer to pop out of my body - that I would get sick and die in the summer months, be dead by fall. I was convinced that people on the internet everywhere knew this and were cryptically talking about it.

8. I thought my family were aliens from outer space intent to kill me.

9. I thought I had "handlers" that followed me everywhere I went, and lived on my street in a different house (I never knew which one).

There's other stuff, but I can't think of it all, and it's been awhile since I had these delusions. I had no health insurance and wanted to get checked out by a doctor. I committed myself to a mental hospital last year and stayed only a week. I was prescribed Abilify and Prozac (later Rexulti instead of Abilify). MY DELUSIONS WENT AWAY. Not in the hospital, but after I came home. Strangely, they seemed to get better once I started the Prozac.

I never believed I was crazy. I didn't expect psychiatry to work.

BUT IT DID. And I'm a sane person again today.
Would love to know how common these experiences are amongst us, very good post. THX
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Default Nov 12, 2020 at 09:26 PM
  #30
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Originally Posted by Ceara1010 View Post
I was about to start a thread asking people to share their delusions but I found there already is one. My delusions are very similar to the one's had by the person who began this thread: I thought I was at the center of an FBI investigation and also thought I was being monitored in real time by cameras in my apartment and via satellite. Everywhere I went I thought I was being technology-stalked. While I was in the hospital, I thought everyone there was some kind of undercover FBI agent. But the delusion is that all these people are trying to help me, not hurt me.

It's been difficult for me because I was actually stalked at by someone whose been gaslighting me. I have to sort out what was real from what was delusional, caused by the trauma of that situation. My delusions appear to be from PTSD more than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.
Very telling accounts, we should do a survey type of thing to compare patterns of experiences. Would be really interesting!
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Default Nov 13, 2020 at 01:02 AM
  #31
I can relate to a lot of the delusions just more personalized to me.
The tv and radio talks about my life. I guess I could say I have the Truman Show delusion too.
I have bad delusions about the actors/actresses. I think I know them in real life with their real names. So I have separated in my head who I would trust or wouldn’t trust in Hollywood/music..I think I can read body language..which makes me believe I am psychic or something.
At one point thought I controlled the weather but I figured that one out. My grandmothers legs used to ache before rain, like a human barometer. So I think our body is in tune with nature and not me controlling nature.
Has anyone caught your delusion or talked yourself out of it?
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