Roll Call 151

Desoxyn · Jul 17, 2019 at 02:14 AM

We are tortured souls that try to have a good time

falcon09 · Jul 17, 2019 at 02:29 AM

thanks desoxyn <3

Desoxyn · Jul 17, 2019 at 02:57 AM

It's been about a month since I've had heart paranoia.

Imagine that...

Tamster · Jul 17, 2019 at 03:15 AM

Des what causes your heart paranoia

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2019 at 04:27 AM

Thanks for the new thread! I seemed to get a couple hours of sleep, a lot of tossing and turning still but better than nothing

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2019 at 04:44 AM

I feel a bit better

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2019 at 05:37 AM

Went to take a walk and it started down pouring

Desoxyn · Jul 17, 2019 at 06:25 AM

Wow that gummy made me stoned as hell. I wrote weed philosophies to DT. Now I'm going to sleep..

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2019 at 07:36 AM

Went to the pharmacy and got my meds

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2019 at 07:40 AM

So, I think part of the agitation is from withdrawing from one of the medications I was on. I was feeling that way before but that multiplied it by like 100 and that's what made yesterday so unbearable

ofthevalley · Jul 17, 2019 at 07:59 AM

Morning.
Not feeling it today. I’m really uncomfortably hot

. But I shouldn’t be it’s only 80 or so. Idk I feel weird.
No sleep again last night.
Strongly considering the Ambien again.
I haven’t even been allowing myself to sleep during the day so idk what the problem is. I am going to lay down for a bit after I mow down some watermelon and finish up work.
I made cacoila last night. First time. It was okay but not great. We didn’t eat until almost 9 cuz i got home so late.

cogladaid · Jul 17, 2019 at 09:46 AM

My left eye lid keep twitching. Been going on a lot for the past week. Kind of annoying.

ofthevalley · Jul 17, 2019 at 09:57 AM

Well this is new and annoying as all hell

newtus · Jul 17, 2019 at 10:29 AM

Hey just found the new thread. I havent been getting notifications from tapatalk.

newtus · Jul 17, 2019 at 10:30 AM

(Just in case yall didnt see this)

I feel so out of it. I'm back to not sleeping at night.

Fiances dad may not make it.

I been thinking about my own dad. I'm scared when he has to go but then I think about all the stuff I have to deal with, with his other children and i want nothing to do with them. They've never been in my life or helped me with nothing. Never so much as really talked to me or gave me the time of day. And I have tried to reach out to them multiple times and either they dont answer their phone or dont text back or whatever. One of them, my half sister, changes her number really often and has a different facebook every month or so. I had like 6 of her profiles added, but I deleted them some time ago. Shes been and continues to be in and out of jail. I see her children smoking pot and drinking on snapchat everyday. My half brother has said some not so nice things about me. I think he was ready to beat me up when I got real sick 5 years ago. I had told him i didnt consider him my brother because i dont even know him.

Life is just getting bleaker for me. But its depressing because I know it could be worse but this is a low I havent experienced since I was sick. And it's a different kind of low.

This depression has me feeling numb.

And I'm not sure what to think about my relationship right now so it's hard to be there for fiance with his dad. I just am numb to him because the relationship hasn't been it's best since we moved in. Like it had its ups during this time but the lows really make me think about everything.

And I have this job interview coming up and I just am not ready and I almost dont even want it anymore. But then if I dont get it I think I may move back to my dads. Which now feels like an optimistic departure. But at the same time I know I would go downhill. I already know. I'd have to go back to my clinic where I've had problems, a lot of them, with the services, doctors, and therapists. I could get a job yea but the ease of commuting wouldnt be an ease. Id have to go very far. Maybe 30 min to an hour out to work everyday. And just overall, I'd be stuck in that house again and my dad would always be at work, or sleeping on his days off. We would never really do anything together because he would always be busy. So I'd be in my head and probably just let everything fall to the wayside like always.

It just really sucks right now.

And the worst part is, everyone I've reached out to just doesnt text or call me back. With the exception of my dad, SP, and findingreason. I've only reached out to people I trust and pretty much everyone is so darn busy in their own lives that its inconvenient I guess to lend support.

I had even reached out to fiances mom. I cried to her and opened up about my feelings and how to best help fiance through everything and try to better the relationship. Fiance said she said she didnt want to be in the middle of anything and then he said I shouldn't call her again. Which I felt betrayed because I opened up to her. Never said anything about my problems, only asked how could I help fiance. But whatever, it's her son. Idc.

Sometimes psychotic · Jul 17, 2019 at 10:39 AM

Made it to the grocery store to stock up before the heat wave, for some reason all the frozen food was basically gone lol like what southerners do to the bread row before a storm.

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2019 at 10:44 AM

Went to the library and got more volumes of the manga I'm reading

newtus · Jul 17, 2019 at 11:10 AM

Amazon 2 Day Prime sale was monday and Tuesday. I signed up for Kindle Unlimited so I could read a bunch of books on amazon. It was one of their sales. Their sale was 3 free months of kindle Unlimited, no upfront costs, but 9.99 after the 3 months ends.

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2019 at 11:59 AM

Took a nap earlier. Man it feels so good to be happy

newtus · Jul 17, 2019 at 12:24 PM

I've literally been living off my gabapentin. I mean cuz my anxiety. And I've been having to take the whole pill.

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Roll Call 151

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 02:14 AM #1 We are tortured souls that try to have a good time
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falcon09 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,018 9 1,866 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 02:29 AM #2 thanks desoxyn <3
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 02:57 AM #3 It's been about a month since I've had heart paranoia. Imagine that...
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Tamster Senior Chat Moderator Member Since May 2012 Location: Michigan, USA Posts: 4,687 11 417 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 03:15 AM #4 Des what causes your heart paranoia __________________ Tams https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0 YOU LAUGH BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT, I LAUGH BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL THE SAME Don't only practice your Art, But force your way through into its secrets, For it and Knowledge can Raise men to the Divine. Beethoven
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 04:27 AM #5 Thanks for the new thread! I seemed to get a couple hours of sleep, a lot of tossing and turning still but better than nothing __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 04:44 AM #6 I feel a bit better __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 05:37 AM #7 Went to take a walk and it started down pouring __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 06:25 AM #8 Wow that gummy made me stoned as hell. I wrote weed philosophies to DT. Now I'm going to sleep..
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 07:36 AM #9 Went to the pharmacy and got my meds __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Jul 17, 2019 at 09:46 AM #12 My left eye lid keep twitching. Been going on a lot for the past week. Kind of annoying.
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ofthevalley Legendary Member Since Feb 2015 Location: USA Posts: 11,326 (SuperPoster!) 9 499 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 09:57 AM #13 Well this is new and annoying as all hell __________________ Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 10:29 AM #14 Hey just found the new thread. I havent been getting notifications from tapatalk. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,409 (SuperPoster!) 10 22.8k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 10:39 AM #16 Made it to the grocery store to stock up before the heat wave, for some reason all the frozen food was basically gone lol like what southerners do to the bread row before a storm. __________________ Hugs!
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 10:44 AM #17 Went to the library and got more volumes of the manga I'm reading __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 11:59 AM #19 Took a nap earlier. Man it feels so good to be happy __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 12:24 PM #20 I've literally been living off my gabapentin. I mean cuz my anxiety. And I've been having to take the whole pill. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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