Roll Call 152

This past Tuesday would have been my moms birthday

HUGS @Blue_Bird

Can you build up an immunity to the cat? Usually I'm allergic for a couple weeks and then it passes.

I'm feeling better today than I have been the past two days. I'm still not feeling normal, or like myself, but I am feeling better. The suicidal thoughts aren't screaming at me anymore. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to try to rest tonight. Go to bed early. Then tomorrow I see T after work. About 25 hours until my appointment. Maybe 25 hours and 15 minutes.

I'm excited to get my new glasses. Hopefully I get them next week. They are black on the outside and pink on the inside. They cost me around $190. Which I didn't think was too bad. I can't find my old pair. My old pair is 4 or 5 years old and I've been looking everywhere and I can't find them. The new ones have a blue light filter which is supposed to be good for computer screens. I'm wondering if it will help any with the migraines. Probably not, but worth a shot. I can't wait to get my new glasses. I really hope they come in soon. I got them at Target Optical.

I'm not sure. Allergies can change over time so I don't see why not. Also they make special shampoos and stuff that you can use on the cat that will help with dander, but I don't know about you, I don't want to try to give either one of my cats a bath! I do brush them, but I can't see myself giving them a bath. I would be clawed up from here to Kingdom come!

I'm allergic to bananas. Sometimes even touching the peel will make my hands break out in hives. My mouth gets itchy and it's just not good. Sometimes melon will do that to me too, I just have to be careful. My cousin was allergic to a bunch of stuff as a child but now as an adult she's hardly allergic to anything. I guess she grew out of it.

I hear you about motivation and learning philosophy. You might like Boethius who wrote a book called The Consolation of Philosophy. It's old school though. Maybe you could do what I do and have a job where you can listen to audiobooks, podcasts, lectures, and songs while at work. Something that keeps your body busy, but like in a meditative state of mind where you can listen well. It's the environment where I listened to upward of up a thousand lectures, way better than a university lecture, although, philosophy in the classroom taught me how to writer better.

Having a job for me has brought structure to my life that I found I needed. It forces me to get up in the morning and feel the pull to be productive so that I can pay rent, car repairs (which are the WORST), and pay for food. My roommates brother now lives with us and he has a phd but he wont work, he sounds mentally healthy and lucid.

Are you able to feel negative emotions like when you feel like you've let someone down? When I emotionally completely flat I didn't give a **** about work, I had to fight for my negative emotions so that I could get the anxiety to get up in the morning to help my boss and co workers.

My boss is cool to let me have a few beers at lunch, it's the only thing that allows me to feel any positive emotion, although, Seroquel greatly diminished that to next to nothing, but alcohol still helps. I know it's horrible to say that... I only drink at lunch, and when I write, but that's what an alcoholic would say, sooo… I guess of the shoe fits. I don't drink in the morning or evening though.

If you need a lecture, podcast, or book recommendation @ me and I'll point you to aa direction, brother. You're family man.

My cat had a bath and she had to self clean herself for hours afterwards. I felt so bad for her.

My dog likes to be blow dried. When I blow dry my hair she will race into the bathroom and stand up with her front legs on my leg and wait for me to blow dry her hair--even though she's not wet. It's cute.

No this fur allergy started when mice got into the apartment so it was impossible to get past it while they were still there. I developed a severe eye redness which required optical steroids and then I got some weirdo arthritis after. Not worth the risk and Claritin doesn't work for the eye part.

I'm glad you didn't buy the knife.

idk if it's the zyprexa or what, but my anxiety is next to nothing lately. It went from keeping me up at night to being gone, right around the time I started zyprexa.

I'm sick, with a head and throat bug. And I am freezing, because the pita roommate (whose opinion is the only one that matters) complains of being too warm without the AC blasting. And her curtains are always closed, instead of open for the air. So me, next to the AC, completely frozen.

That sounds terrible! What a bummer.

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Yeah I might just do that. To get a job where I can listen to podcasts because money is a motivator where I can get up every day and have something to do. I don't get up early usually but I did today so I could go mountain biking through the trails. I don't have much to worry about because my disability check is 1700 dollars a month. I feel like I take not working for granted but I know that I have to improve myself because I feel bad in a way where other people are working.

I never felt bad for not wanting to work when I had anhedonia. I wasn't on disability yet and just quit cuz I wanted to slit my neck in the washroom and my coworkers were assholes. One kept making fun of me because I never smiled. I didn't know why I didn't smile. Then when I was working in retail, a coworker grilled me because he said that I wasn't showing enthusiasm for the job. He HAS to work because he has kids and was like my age. Like it's not my fault that I'm not happy working because I have to take care of only my suicidal self.

I feel bad now when I don't go to work and someone else has to cover my shift. That's why I don't want that responsibility. I want to work in my own time like how I'm not a machine and would rather live with a tribe in the jungle. If I was born in the amazon, I'd say my positive symptoms would make me a healer and I'd do ayahuasca. I see no difference in how schizophrenia is treated in the west compared to the east. All we do in the west is prescribe drugs that make us tired and boring zombies. Unless my positive symptoms were so severe that I'd be a crazy person that can't function in poverty and magic governed societies, then drugs that do the opposite of psychedelics would be ok. All paranormal activity has happened on psychedelics.. afterlife, astral projection, talking to the dead, etc..

But anyways.. Be careful with the booooze! Alan Watts died of liver failure from drinking. But he was a great talker.. philospher.. Idk how he did it and how alcohol could have been beneficial.. but I suppose it can induce deep thinking.. like with my dad.. And not just LSD or weed etc..

I'm able to smoke weed now and I know you don't like it because it makes you think TOO deep. But I believe it can be used as an intellectual and creative aid for writing.. then you don't smoke when you're not doing work..

I'll look up some inspirational people, books and podcasts and get my thoughts and notes organized and then I'll ask you for recommendations. I just find it weird to look up philosophers from the renaissance because I've never done that before. It's like history. I only started being interested in it now. My negative symptoms have gotten better enough for me to realize my potential yet not enough to do anything about it and move forward.

My whole family is allergic to cats. We don't use pills but eye drops instead that make the eyes less itchy.

Btw u are bad scientist for being allergic to mice. How will you know how fast a mouse can go through a maze on Valium...

Weed doesn't make me feel deep, it just makes me laugh and shortens my train of thought, while alcohol can extend my train of thought, and that is why I take alcohol over weed. Alan Watts is pretty damn cool. I didn't know he had liver failure. I've seen a lot of cool thoughts of his here and there. I don't know much at scholasticism, but @NEIL_w knows some I'm sure. My two area of expertise mostly comes from the Greeks and from the 17th century until the 19th century.

That’s why I’m not a scientist anymore....