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Old 11-08-2019, 11:28 AM   #1
OliverB
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Trig I didnt know where to post it

Stress is bringing voices again, and bugs, those bugs under my skin. I am calm. I was overwhelmed, I took a benzo and now I am calm. I am seeing an attorney in an hour. My head is full of stuff, I am organizing it to do not look crazy.
I dont think I am crazy (I wish the thing inside me stopped screaming). Lolz.

I do not act on anything, just feel it.

I remember my last psychiateist saying "You are perfectly ok". Yah, I dont act weirdo even if I am weirdo.
I have PTSD and some sort of neurodivergence, neurodivergence that could be diagnosed as schyzotypal, psychosis nos, or whatever the psychatrist wants to diagnose me with.

I am overwhelmed again. Too many feelings:

Hype and tired while wanting to cry and end everything, no! Its funny, its funny inside. Some laugh. I am tired. Its fun. I am sorry.
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"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
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I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
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Old 11-08-2019, 11:34 AM   #2
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So you’ve written bye bye meds in your signature....for me meds were the only thing that worked long term for voices....singing worked short term as did any sort of complex mental manipulation like picturing 3D images moving like radar screens or coins spinning.
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Old 11-08-2019, 02:03 PM   #3
OliverB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
So you’ve written bye bye meds in your signature....for me meds were the only thing that worked long term for voices....singing worked short term as did any sort of complex mental manipulation like picturing 3D images moving like radar screens or coins spinning.
I am non functional if I take AP. I have tried abilify, risperidone, haloperidol, seroquel, ziprasidone, olanzapine, another old one I dont rember, amisulpride... All of them made me less able to cope. I cannot take SSRI and SNRI since they make me manic. I tried TCA but the worked just for a while. I was given lamotrigine and valporate at some point, It was horrible. Gabapentin only worked short term.

I guess I just have therapy left.
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Crazy, inside and aside

Meds: bye bye meds
CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
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Old 11-08-2019, 07:42 PM   #4
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Default Re: I didnt know where to post it

Sorry you're feeling so bad, OliverB. Lately, this week, I've begun feeling or having bad negative symptoms. Like feeling like I'll never be able to get out of bed again. When I have positive symptoms I look like it. Everything shows on me. Hugs to you.
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