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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 07:37 PM
  #41
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All three of you. That is so not good news :/
I will tell you something else...being off meds was stressful like every sound I was like real or voice? It was really hard to tell sometimes off meds...my relapse started with knocking sounds which you hear everywhere...I was much more angry too maybe because of bp irritation?

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 07:44 PM
  #42
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Was wondering how you were doing.....



What’s going on?
Lots of things... mainly the spirits and such. I'm still living with my BFF's brother and his wife kids and their cousin. No matter where I go or do it seems like it's still bothering me. Even when I'm with other people. I'm on the abilify injections. It's not helping. I've been having a bad few days. I hardly want to eat. All I want to do is either sleep or clean or something to get rid of everything in my ****ing mind and what's outside of my head.

I've lost even more weight. down to 184 right now.
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 07:50 PM
  #43
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I will tell you something else...being off meds was stressful like every sound I was like real or voice? It was really hard to tell sometimes off meds...my relapse started with knocking sounds which you hear everywhere...I was much more angry too maybe because of bp irritation?
I used to have a severe problem with agitation (Like really severe) when I was 16. I know it's normal for teens to be angry but I was over the top which is why the stupid doctor gave me a bottle of 120 klonopin.

Now I never get agitated. If any, very very little. Except two years ago at the end of my injection I went off at my sister and my mom and apparently had really bad pure obsessional OCD thoughts (The worst I've ever had).

So it could be autism but the antipsychotic seems to have cured that. They use risperidone for agitation in autism. Other than that, I'm completely normal. I don't like that my therapist tries to coerce me into thinking I don't have schizophrenia because she's fascinated by aspergers. I don't have enough symptoms to be considered having that. It's PDD-NOS.

I researched this and it says you can't be diagnosed with schizophrenia if you have autism - Only if you have PDD-NOS and have had hallucinations and such which I've had so it makes sense.

It feels like I'm the only one that is making sense and my therapist is jumping to conclusions. They're just labels but specific labels that can cause harm if used incorrectly and thrown around carelessly because they determine the type of medication and treatment. Medication can be good but I know that antipsychotics can cause damage and it has to be a very very careful process.

It's like I'm the only one that's being careful with this. I was never careful on the high dose Abilify because it made me extremely reckless and have zero insight to risk. Now I'm careful.
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 07:53 PM
  #44
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Originally Posted by Erti View Post
Lots of things... mainly the spirits and such. I'm still living with my BFF's brother and his wife kids and their cousin. No matter where I go or do it seems like it's still bothering me. Even when I'm with other people. I'm on the abilify injections. It's not helping. I've been having a bad few days. I hardly want to eat. All I want to do is either sleep or clean or something to get rid of everything in my ****ing mind and what's outside of my head.

I've lost even more weight. down to 184 right now.
I’m sorry this is happening to you and I wish I had a solution but I don’t....I know you’ve tried almost every med and therapy as well...

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 07:56 PM
  #45
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I used to have a severe problem with agitation (Like really severe) when I was 16. I know it's normal for teens to be angry but I was over the top which is why the stupid doctor gave me a bottle of 120 klonopin.

Now I never get agitated. If any, very very little. Except two years ago at the end of my injection I went off at my sister and my mom and apparently had really bad pure obsessional OCD thoughts (The worst I've ever had).

So it could be autism but the antipsychotic seems to have cured that. They use risperidone for agitation in autism. Other than that, I'm completely normal. I don't like that my therapist tries to coerce me into thinking I don't have schizophrenia because she's fascinated by aspergers. I don't have enough symptoms to be considered having that. It's PDD-NOS.

I researched this and it says you can't be diagnosed with schizophrenia if you have autism - Only if you have PDD-NOS and have had hallucinations and such which I've had so it makes sense.

It feels like I'm the only one that is making sense and my therapist is jumping to conclusions. They're just labels but specific labels that can cause harm if used incorrectly and thrown around carelessly because they determine the type of medication and treatment. Medication can be good but I know that antipsychotics can cause damage and it has to be a very very careful process.

It's like I'm the only one that's being careful with this. I was never careful on the high dose Abilify because it made me extremely reckless and have zero insight to risk. Now I'm careful.
I used to think I might have Aspergers but I did the seeing the mind in the eyes test and it basically ruled that out. Have you ever taken that test it’s pretty conclusive.

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 07:57 PM
  #46
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I’m sorry this is happening to you and I wish I had a solution but I don’t....I know you’ve tried almost every med and therapy as well...
Yeah... I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I don't know why everything seems to get worse. I'm also making horrible decisions with a few things but hey it is what it is. I'm just waiting on my life crashing down and ****ing with me again like it was the last time I checked myself into the psych hospital.
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:00 PM
  #47
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Yeah... I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I don't know why everything seems to get worse. I'm also making horrible decisions with a few things but hey it is what it is. I'm just waiting on my life crashing down and ****ing with me again like it was the last time I checked myself into the psych hospital.
I know you were considering clozapine.....is that an option anywhere near you?

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:06 PM
  #48
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Painted my nails then sautéed some mushrooms. Wasn't sure what I wanted for dinner so just had some of them
I have a wonderful Indian mushroom recipe but I can't remember it all. Used to make it frequently when I lived in Brooklyn.
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:08 PM
  #49
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I know you were considering clozapine.....is that an option anywhere near you?
not the slightest clue and well was denied being able to have it from the doctor at the ****ing hospital because of my weight and history of prediabetes... said nothing else on it other than I had to get on a registry for it and had to be dx with sz or sza... which I am and had to tell her that I was and all she looked up with my intake dx which was psychosis nos and ptsd and before THAT hospital stay I was dx there with Undifferentiated sz so IDFK... at my mental health clinic it's sza bipolar type.
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:08 PM
  #50
How are you Angelique?

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:10 PM
  #51
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I have a wonderful Indian mushroom recipe but I can't remember it all. Used to make it frequently when I lived in Brooklyn.
Haven’t ever seen Indian mushrooms ....kinda intrigued although I usually am quite happy with garlic mushrooms...

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:19 PM
  #52
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not the slightest clue and well was denied being able to have it from the doctor at the ****ing hospital because of my weight and history of prediabetes... said nothing else on it other than I had to get on a registry for it and had to be dx with sz or sza... which I am and had to tell her that I was and all she looked up with my intake dx which was psychosis nos and ptsd and before THAT hospital stay I was dx there with Undifferentiated sz so IDFK... at my mental health clinic it's sza bipolar type.
Well it does cause the most weight gain even more than zyprexa but it may be worth getting diabetes to be free of the voices at least diabetes is treatable. Idk that is definitely a serious decision to have to make. It seems like no matter what we choose there are horrible consequences and impossible decisions to make.

So I think you tried cbd gummies once but your clinic pushed you away from them right? I don’t know of anything else to turn to in addition to the normal APs....sometimes docs have luck mixing two different ones but its a last ditch effort that only sometimes works.

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:23 PM
  #53
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Well it does cause the most weight gain even more than zyprexa but it may be worth getting diabetes to be free of the voices at least diabetes is treatable. Idk that is definitely a serious decision to have to make. It seems like no matter what we choose there are horrible consequences and impossible decisions to make.

So I think you tried cbd gummies once but your clinic pushed you away from them right? I don’t know of anything else to turn to in addition to the normal APs....sometimes docs have luck mixing two different ones but its a last ditch effort that only sometimes works.
eh we've tried mixing them too. I was on haldol and zyprexa... saprhis and zyprexa... haldol and abilify...

Like I told the pdoc at the hospital... I rather be fat and happy than thin and sick.
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:23 PM
  #54
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I used to think I might have Aspergers but I did the seeing the mind in the eyes test and it basically ruled that out. Have you ever taken that test it’s pretty conclusive.
"Your score was 26 out of 36"

It seemed pretty easy. Thought I would have had them all right but some emotions seemed similar.
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:28 PM
  #55
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"Your score was 26 out of 36"

It seemed pretty easy. Thought I would have had them all right but some emotions seemed similar.
I think I got like 32 or 34 it was higher than average so I’m definitely not autistic....but it doesn’t sound like you are either....

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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:45 PM
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How are you Angelique?
Ok I guess! I'm expecting a bunch of packages so I'll have to go to the social worker here in case they've piled them up in her office. Dreading that. She was pissed at me since last week when I noticed my almost empty Vapewild bag was no longer on my dresser. I'm not supposed to have any vape supplies in my room. I have a bag of juices in my middle drawer, I should give it to her. There isn't room for them in the smokers cart.

How are you feeling, ok?
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:48 PM
  #57
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I think I got like 32 or 34 it was higher than average so I’m definitely not autistic....but it doesn’t sound like you are either....
When I look at the different eyes, I get a high emotional reaction and then I look at the words.. Although I was never good at multiple choice..

Emotional reaction like "Yeah man.. Know.. I know.." for suspiciousness or.. forget which emotion that was or a woman like "Really now? XP (;" for confidence or "Yeah (;" for flirtation..

Idk just people hit on me and I don't like it but it's a harmless thing.

I never really look at people in the eyes when talking because the fact that other people can't jinxes it and I think about it so much. But when I'm not paying attention to that jinx, I'm looking people right in the eyes until I realize that jinx again. Then I look at the mouth because I have bad comprehension when people are talking to me while thinking that and continue because I'm so interested in having conversations. I like reading lips while looking at the eyes from below.

I told my therapist that when people think I have autism, they act a certain way towards me and try to manipulate me to act weird so it jinxes the whole thing! It's better to just forget the label and be social weird self.

#Half aspie
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 08:50 PM
  #58
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Haven’t ever seen Indian mushrooms ....kinda intrigued although I usually am quite happy with garlic mushrooms...
The recipe is Indian, not the mushrooms. Turmeric, ginger, I think garlic, onions, spices and I forget what else. I wish I could make them here. There's a kitchenette just off the main phys therapy room. Maybe they'd let me cook in there. Some day lol. Roll Call 156
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 09:09 PM
  #59
I'm so glad I quit smoking cigs
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 09:14 PM
  #60
Ok so guys.. This is phenibut induced bipolar.

I'll have to write self affirmations and stuff about myself while feeling great before I run out of the supplement... Because I was so down today from not taking it.. It's horrible..

I can see how bipolar is so horrible. There's nothing else that I've ever taken that affects my mood this much. If only there was a medication like this. It's manageable. It's not like instability but just a relief from depression.

There is a medication called baclofen (Chlorinated phenibut) but it builds tolerance.

They're working on GABA type medications for schizophrenia negative symptoms.
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