Roll Call 156

What a cutie

Some small sketches

I'm so disorganized

I can't wait to go to sleep I just want to start a new day. Gonna ask my mom to see if I can work at the hotel on the weekends to make extra money.

I keep forgetting about things like this. Everything just slips my mind because I'm thinking about so many things.

You remind me of myself. Up down up down D: But mine isn't bipolar. Idk if yours is but this seems like what I deal with all the time so no worries you're not alone =]

Bluebird you’re very important to me personally and I suspect others on the forum. I’m sure your sister loves you. I know you have friends because you just went out the other day. People care about you. As far as God you probably need to separate the feelings you had in psychosis from the connection you have now. Some of us thought we were speaking with God directly but that may have been a hallucination, or you never know it could have been real. Thing is most people have to see God in life rather than communicate directly. So enjoying the taste of a fresh fruit and knowing everything that had to happen from seed to store to get you something that no human can create, sure we can cultivate but not make. Enjoying the wind on a fall day knowing No human controls that wind. Knowing how extremely rare life is in the universe and how extremely lucky we were to ever have a chance at at. Idk I’m no pastor/preacher but I think once you realize connecting with God is subtle, perhaps you’ll find him again?

Thank you, I appreciate this. I think just got used to the euphoria I used to feel about being connected to god whenever I was manic and i guess I just miss that. It probably wasn't normal to feel as connected to God as I did but it just feels dull without it I guess. I'm trying to practice my faith again.

I think the holidays are hard because I really miss my mom, she was my best friend

Thank you tweaky I have a difficult time around the holidays

Went to the library and got some documentaries and a Christmas movie. Going to lunch later. They're putting up all the wreaths and Christmas lights around town now

Morning

Weighed myself and I lost a pound.

Also fiance and I are strapped for money this month, but i calculated it and we had to spend and extra 600 bucks just to move in here. 250 because of his credit, and 300 to pay the other place off. Plus some extra things.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I can only imagine how hard it must be without your mom, I’m a lot older and my mom is still my rock.

I'm gonna try to eat portion controlled servings of Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. I'm gonna try really hard. It's always this time of year that I put on 10 pounds.

I worked hard to eat right in august and gained the ten pounds back after my birthday with the cake and candy. Now I've lost it again. I'm back to 201 today and i really dont want to mess up again.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Another quick sketch. It's supposed to be claws ripping through paper

So embarrassed

I just walked into the wrong meeting at work and sat down.

I excused myself.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I think pantheism is an understanding of the universe like many people don't get. That everything exists in some other dimension and that there's infinite dimensions. God doesn't notice or it can. It really doesn't matter - Just what you make of it.

I was listening to my mom talk on the phone and was ignoring my cat. My cat doesn't understand that. Maybe it did. But what if you run a stop sign while driving and you passed and it didn't notice it since a cop didn't see you? The stop sign could have been watching a movie or watching porn and didn't notice you.

How do I not get psychosis while being a pantheist? Idk. Psychedelics teach me this and to truly know is to scramble the brain in a very good way.

Life is supposed to be a mystery.

Your art is getting better and better....

I asked a psychonaut "Why can't we remember before we were born unless life is some sort of test?"

And he said;

"As someone who has studied brain anatomy and neuroscience: Memories are formed and stored in the brain and you don't have one to form memories with until you are born and have developed for a while. Your thoughts and memories can be corresponded to the flow and interaction of chemicals in your neurons. It makes sense that memories from this life would only be tied to the neurons that exist in your current form. If you ever lived a past life, the memories of it left with the brain/body that was left in the ground."

"To be fair, I think that on some level we do "remember" our past lives. Think about how we got here. We passed on knowledge to others and they continued to do the same in the name of progress and discovery. Think about all the tiny interactions those long gone did. Every interaction between them caused the universe to play out to how it is right now. Memory is just how we interpret the actions that came before. Our thoughts are usually words or feelings, and those are passed from person to person over time (and even person to animal). We're still passing those thoughts and feelings around to one another. The love and hate that is passed around came from somewhere, usually those older than us. But where does it stop? When did it start? Fun stuff to think about."

Another one said;

"you also can't remember what happened when you died in your last life. this is the immense power of maya which covers your consciousness and makes you forget your past lives. just think if you could remember all your past lives, and all the traumas you experienced. you wouldn't be able to handle all of that, and you'd crack."

Regarding the to be fair part I was watching this bird brain thing on Netflix and crows reacted to a caveman mask on a guy they had never seen, the knowledge was passed from generation to generation....because it had been seven years since anyone had worn the mask or something. I’m not sure if it was a genetic fear or through word of beak though. Crows are super smart though.

Now we will all go psychotic together because I shared this information.. Or enlightened.. idk...

#Shared psychotic disorder..