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Desoxyn
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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 09:55 PM
  #681
Hallucinogens have destroyed my brain to the point where it is left on the ground as colours and confusion.. It turns black then melts down the drain. The drain is the future.

I can't predict what is the future is but I look into this darkness often and what do I use to see into it? The dimmed light that I couldn't understand from the start. It was bright before the world put me down.

Walking down frozen wasteland roads reminding me of the sound of high keys playing on a piano. It keeps me going faster through time and space, now brighter but too bright that I'm blinded by the light.

It's like staring into the sun. How do we make sense of a dying star? Wish upon it, for fortune (money), health, to guarantee a bright future. But there is no bright future some say. People wish all the time on their birthday. What to they do? The blow out the candles.. the kill the light.. Was lighting the candle by family and friends to help with the wish? Were the stars created by God to give the wish?

I remember I wished upon a star when I was a kid for a million. Now I realize that that's not what I want. I want to take it back and wish for something else. But that's not how that works. It's not fair. What do I not understand? What do we understand together? Which road did we go down? Where does it end?

We are destined for an end but have no idea what it looks like. The more the light fades, the slower it fades. Until the end. I will be alone forever in my head. The future is bright they say. I'll try and believe it.

Miracles aren't real. But they make sense. People talk about fascinating things and you're then left alone in your head to analyse and feel.

#INFP??
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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 10:04 PM
  #682
Just ignore that. My mental health be ok rn
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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 10:08 PM
  #683
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Just ignore that. My mental health be ok rn
Can u give me til tomorrow to draw that thing? I'm tired af.

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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 10:16 PM
  #684
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Can u give me til tomorrow to draw that thing? I'm tired af.
Yeah honestly you can leave things out too cuz for me I would spend days drawing it lol

I should have picked up drawing.. Still can.. But Idk what to choose.. idfk.. I would love to draw..

Well yknow what.. That's what I'm gonna do.. I just need paper that isn't lined and good pencils etc.. colours.. idk..

Why did I have to take be psychotic and take psychedelics to have your mindset or state of mind? You're like everyone that seemed to have that realization when I didn't.. Now you go to the left brain side.. But don't lose the right brain.. Draw tomorrow or later.. I will follow you and you follow my left brain.. We are to experience it all..
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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 10:21 PM
  #685
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Yeah honestly you can leave things out too cuz for me I would spend days drawing it lol


I should have picked up drawing.. Still can.. But Idk what to choose.. idfk.. I would love to draw..


Well yknow what.. That's what I'm gonna do.. I just need paper that isn't lined and good pencils etc.. colours.. idk..


Why did I have to take be psychotic and take psychedelics to have your mindset or state of mind? You're like everyone that seemed to have that realization when I didn't.. Now you go to the left brain side.. But don't lose the right brain.. Draw tomorrow or later.. I will follow you and you follow my left brain.. We are to experience it all..
Do u have printer paper?

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Default Dec 07, 2019 at 10:27 PM
  #686
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Do u have printer paper?
Oh yeah that will work. I can get some from my moms work. But I'm leaving to the city tomorrow so I'll do that when I get back. City I'll read books.. keep my mind creative..
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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 09:03 AM
  #687
I feel like crap. I woke up with a headache again. Sneezed once. Now my nose is a bit stuffy. Yea, I'm sick.

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 09:51 AM
  #688
Time to take a walk. Getting cabin fever from being insid so much.

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 10:27 AM
  #689
I'm gonna start looking at houses.

Theres something out here and in rural areas in the usa called USDA rural house loan. If you get something, a house, in a rural area less than 35k people, the govt pays the down payment on the house. I found something in a small town near here. I may show Dustin. Lots of acreage. But no fence. 2.6k sq feet house. 185k.

Of course this is just looking at this point. But it's also inquiring as well.

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 10:28 AM
  #690
Reason is, we could live here another year and keep paying 810 a month or more for another rented place, but we would be paying less for a house most likely (mortgage) and the payment would go toward owning the house.

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 10:37 AM
  #691
Picked up a box of assorted Lindtt truffles. It's 16 degrees out right now. But sunny so it doesn't feel that cold. Going to the evening mass later tonight

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 10:39 AM
  #692
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I'm gonna start looking at houses.

Theres something out here and in rural areas in the usa called USDA rural house loan. If you get something, a house, in a rural area less than 35k people, the govt pays the down payment on the house. I found something in a small town near here. I may show Dustin. Lots of acreage. But no fence. 2.6k sq feet house. 185k.

Of course this is just looking at this point. But it's also inquiring as well.

Sounds like a good idea. It's probably fun to look at different houses and imagine what you can do with them, all sorts of possibilities

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 10:45 AM
  #693
Here they are
Attached Images
File Type: jpg IMG_2874.jpg (289.0 KB, 7 views)

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 10:51 AM
  #694
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Sounds like a good idea. It's probably fun to look at different houses and imagine what you can do with them, all sorts of possibilities
True, it is. Its really exciting.

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 11:36 AM
  #695
Hi everyone, how's everyone doing?

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 11:40 AM
  #696
My apartment is beside a college so it will always be rented. I owned it for 5 years.

Good investment.. I should buy another one and be slumlord (No jk)..
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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 11:40 AM
  #697
Told my parents last night about my recent sui attempt. It went okay-ish. They always freak out. But a friend was pressuring me to tell them. Plus I think they need to know. Plus I see Pastor T tomorrow and I'm not sure he wouldn't tell them. Sigh. So, now they know. I always try to protect them. I dont want to hurt them. My friend who is
Possible trigger:
wants to have a serious talk with me. So maybe today. So stressed. FML. seriously.

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 01:15 PM
  #698
My cat is meowing at me cuz I'm packing my bags. She usually sits on my shoulders for a few seconds sometimes then gets off but now she sat on my shoulders for like 5 minutes. She's sitting on my lap now.

She doesn't want me to go. She knows.
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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 01:15 PM
  #699
I hate haldol.

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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 01:16 PM
  #700
Oh no another deja vu. I had a deja vu yesterday as well. I love them.

Deja vus happen on acid a lot.
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