advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Lord XxxT
Newly Joined
Lord XxxT has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: US
Posts: 2
3 yr Member
Trig Nov 30, 2019 at 10:03 PM
  #1
My name is Tristen. I am 19 years old and live in a waiver house in a small town of Iowa. I have autism spectrum disorder(high functioning), severe depression (for around 5 years), ADHD, Disassociation, and emotional pains. Plus I'm an empath, an Indigo Child, Christian, author,aspiring space cosmologist/historian, poet, philosopher, bisexual, and Indigo Child.
Currently I am, and have been, dealing with my guardianship for a year. I have felt so much emotional pain in my life, but the last 4 years has been overwhelming. I. Christian but I fell out in researching the occult for almost 4 years until 2019.
In May I graduated, and in June I got a job at Walmart. My stress overwhelmed me. I started working 5 days a week. I could only get myself to sleep 5 hours a day and eat a meal a day. I started hallucinating and seeing shadow people in rooms there were no people in, peripheral vision. I saw like 7 in 15 minutes.
A little before the hallucinations kicked in I confessed my love to a friend I met in Orcchard Place, the only girl I ever tell in love with. I poured my heart out, but it was unrequited. She never clearly rejected me, but you would need to be stupid to miss it. It broke me and things grew awkward.
And I broke down at night in a public empty place and cried for God's name for the first time in my life. I laid broken. I began seeing the similarities afterwards I saw in myself as a child of 7. I began having dreams again, and intrusive thoughts pushed me down certain paths leading to good.
I ended up saving a 13yo Chinese girl on Reddit's life from committing the ultimate act. I have felt the lowest of the lows, but never considered suicide an answer, and refuse to forever. I talkrd her through it and check up on her frequently and she is coping better. I have had an effect of revelation and epiphany in people, idk how. I just speak about the conversations in my life or random things, and all of a sudden it's like I clicked something on in their head or my presence did and they change for the better and realize something. I found a purpose, helping others , especially with emotional pain- but I could never help myself and my own.
Then, I found love on Twitter. I fell for her plows for 2 months into October and got engaged. Turned out she was from Nigeria and 17. I had not listened to my friends previously. They had even hacked her and found nothing on names given and I disregarded my own reverse image search in disbelief. I broke down, but this time I let my pain flow for the first time in 19 years, and 19 years worth of emotional pain flowed through my body. A pain so powerful I doubled over into bed crying shaking and texting my friends for help and support. It hurt in to miday the next day. After that , I felt peace.
I am still plagued with that pain for small periods, but they grow stronger each time. It feels like a emotional pain in my chest that grows physical, searing in my heart, a shredding tearring of my soul.
And two-three weeks again, something told me in the back of my head randomly to quick add one certain snapchatter on that list, I did. He has turned into my boyfriend. I love him so much. We have plans to move to Oregon someday.
But I feel as long I am not decider of my choices and life and am under rule of a guardianship, my soul will never rest. My soul craves freedom, and since I can't give it, it is breaking it. I'm experiencing pre-soul death.
I am currently trying to work toward my freedom. But I hate my pills, I hate humanity for treating me terribly, using me and controlling me - manipulating me. I hate it. As an empath, I feel used.
As a young kid at age 7, my pastor said I have an important path predetermined by God in the things that are coming soon, that I was very important - he saw it in a vision. I have seen prophetic dreams, all dealing with the end of the world, all since 7. Since 7, I've known things other kids in Sunday School did not know and stuff that stooped the pastor, stuff about my religion that a 7yo should not know. I was a prodigy. One time I even received a vision at school in computer lab. I randomly focused in Google Earth Space, into a random sun at a random point. I thought it to be funny to zoom beyond the sun's barrier. I saw something no one else could see. An angel with a trumpet on the led5, a throne with a being on it in the middle, and an alpha/Omega symbol on right side of the throne. I could never find it again, the bookmark was gone the next day.
I am unnaturally gifted. I studied psychology and physics in elementary, in 2nd grade I could say the theory of relativity. Sometimes when I snap, internet connection speeds up, things work better for me. And other times, I can control things to go in a straight line without exterior force, like a riding mower.
Too much is unexplained in my life. Can someone make sense of me?
Plus how does this work, can someone give some support and try answering just why me and what is going on in my life?

Last edited by bluekoi; Dec 01, 2019 at 08:04 PM.. Reason: Move from a different forum.
Lord XxxT is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Sometimes psychotic

advertisement
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:40 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.