Roll Call 158!

Apparently you’re not the only one...

S.M. (patient - Wikipedia)

My meds mess with my blood pressure, it randomly spikes. I didn't have that problem before starting the abilify and thorazine. And I'm stuck at the weight I am. I'm not severely overweight or anything so I'm not having health problems but I know I could drop the extra 25lbs if I was off them

Depressed and akathisia. I hope my legs don't start up. I've had awful RLS and akathisia this week.

akathisia feels like torture, I hope you feel better

My diet high wore away for some reason and I just feel beaten. 2 pounds in Five Weeks. I guess I'll do better when I run out of candy. I'm going to give myself 5 more weeks and see if I do better. If I don't I may as well give up.

Thank you!

Maybe I should just stop obsessing about it

For me my pdoc said something that actually made sense last time, she was just like well it could be worse, ands its true, I could be way heavier....the spikes for me tend to be anxiety driven though.

That’s interesting. What’s more interesting is that she was able to feel everything else, too. Mind you, I can “pick up” on other people’s emotions just fine ... it’s just fear that tends to trip me up.

I’ve always been strange, as I’ve only ever been known for having extreme yet brief spells of anger at times. Never knew what to make of all that. Other than taking that damn antisocial personality disorder diagnosis seriously, that is. I’ve been trying to find another explanation this entire time since I got diagnosed when I was ****ing 18 ... and at this point, it looks like it’s starting to come full circle.

Akathisia actually caused me significant physical pain in a way I can’t describe easily.

SP: I thought AD was joking about the fear thing kinda like I know no fear

Me: I know she was. And I was joking about explaining fear. But then I scared myself even though I was kidding with myself but wasn't sure.. I felt the bad trip happening again.. I know I'm weird..

Theres many things that can be exact torture I've noticed..

Panic attack, dissociative panic attack, akathesia, full blown psychosis, dystonia, bad trip, .. idk what else I forget

Btw AD i thought you were joking with me. I didnt know you actually have problem with no fear. Das crazy D:

It’s okay to be weird. It’s not like I’m normal.

Ok I'll try and read again.. but I'll come back after an hour due to fear of missing out..

Oh, no worries. I realize how odd it probably sounds. It’s difficult to see it as much of a problem as I’m not at all distressed by it, I’m far more curious about how it “works” (or doesn’t work.)

It seems like fear is a form of torture in and of itself at least in the extremes, however, from what I’ve read about the entire topic and from what I’ve learned more directly over time. I can see that fear torments you. It does sound rather painful in many ways, painful in the psychological sense and, in the physical sense as well ...

I think this lack of fear is why I’ve never been truly affected by what would have been catastrophic trauma for anyone else.

Here's an interesting post I just made on Facebook.. It is inspired by my mental health and spirit journey feeling alone on this space rock that I have to share..

Nothing without everything can be explained by everything and anything can be explained by someone to make it right or wrong to anyone - which can make it right to most - But may be wrong, as it can also depend on perspective of also some or one.

This is why everything has a consciousness of everything as it is reincarnated into everything when there is no time-space through infinite time.

When you think but don't talk, you may talk. So when you are asleep (Unconscious and frontal lobe/prefrontal cortex shut off) but alive, you may dream. When you are alive but brain dead, you may die. So being alive is a dream. For a dream is not knowing you are dreaming, yet you can have a lucid dream, like being awake yet not knowing you're in a dream.. when you do, you are in psychosis, a schizophrenia (Losing touch with reality). You can also dream while awake (Sleepwalking) or delirium from a fever from alcohol ("Soul eating spirit") withdrawal, revealing the soul like a psychedelic ("Soul-revealing") and hallucinate like on DMT to visit the place of dying while alive as it is released in the brain before dying for real to kick start the initial phase of the next flip.

As these are all like a dolphin doing flips in the ocean. Underwater, it lives.. or does the dolphin truly live in the air when doing flips like a human that truly lives when "feeling" alive instead of just existing? And it dreams and dies, reincarnates like the unknown random hallucinating rock in Japan that generated this post for me.

Havent checked in to roll call in a while ...

I got the promotion at work. AM shift lead. Now I am my roommates supervisor. It's going to be challenging to navigate the dynamics of our relationship in and out of work

Hopefully she will be more cooperative rather than defiant!

I gots this tho.

Dealing with my psychiatrist is like pulling teeth: he never wants to do what I want him to do.

I am just peeved about that.

That is all.

Psychiatrists are annoying. They don't do anything you actually need unless you know how to put pressure on them and I also know not everyone can actually do that. Frustrating.

Yeah and me being such a pushover all the time doesn't help when people are manipulative.