Roll Call 159!

Took a shower, enjoying a warm drink and going through my "101 Ways to Reduce Stress" packet I printed out. Have Halloween Ressurection playing

Might start getting stuff over time to make a coping toolbox. I already have a worry stone and a little thing of index cards I've written coping statements and affirmations on. And crossword puzzles, playing cards, gum. I could put some prayer cards and a picture of my mom too

It could have been someone talking through the air vent. But it could have been an hallucination too. I'm sorry.

Does anybody else feel like they are cursed? I truly feel this.

Anyways, I don't have work tomorrow or Friday so I will be writing. I think I might have to cancel my therapy session due to income shortfalls. Thank god i've stopped going to the bar. That's a big waste of money.

My new short story is cute, well it has a range of emotions, one element will be tricky, but it's nothing I can't handle.

Not cursed but bad luck for me.....

I had a dream I drank Ayahuasca and was blessed by 4 shamans. (No jk.. But it will happen in real life one day..jkjk)

I should definitely do this or something like this right now. I feel manic but unfocused (Cuz the Vyvanse wore off). I've been constantly writing on forums, facebook, my notes and my blog.

A warm shower and a hot tea with milk might make me sleepy. I could finish reading my book "The Art of Doing Nothing by Andrew Smart" before I read his book "Beyond Zero and One" about psychedelics, consciousness and artificial intelligence.. Which could make me more excited idk...

But I'll try

Right now I feel like I haven't actually fully developed schizophrenia yet.. Or I just did.. The fact that there's no proof of an afterlife.. but it can't be disproven either.. I'm just so much more aware of myself now and the world.. In a way that other people already know but I'm new to it or something.. Or was when a kid, became blind and then saw the truth again and lost it.. Or I just overthink it all and can't stop..

Yknow how they say it happens in the early 20's? I'm afraid I'll go down some weird messed up rabbit hole.. But I can't worry about it or else it will be a placebo induced triggered psychosis..

I can see why you all have problems with psychosis.. It's natural.. Other people are preoccupied with the outside world and their identity... It's almost as if we are naturally having ego (Identity) dissolution and becoming the outside world.. Cuz we're so intuitive and smart.. We need reassurance and feel unsafe. Some of us don't have anyone to tell us that it's ok or it's not enough so we tell each other that it's ok.

If we don't trust ourselves and need reassurance from others, how can we trust them? Hence antipsychotic

Maybe reassurance doesn't work a lot of the time but it makes us feel better at least...

We lab mouse

Edit: No jk a normal life is possible. I have a pretty normal functional life. Just my mom is sick so I feel like everything is hopeless and start overthinking.

SP is doing this. But don't overthink. I'll stop right. Now...

I had a dream that I got caught with a bunch of utility knives for self harming and there was an awkward conversation.

Wtf I don’t even want to self harm why am I having dreams about it.

First I want to thank everyone here for sharing about their experiences. I've only been in this forum for a few days now and it's really helping me. I'm so glad I came back to PsychCentral and found you all. I live in a residential community for people with mental illness and it can feel surprisingly isolating because most of the people here don't want to get better or want to talk about their illnesses so we can support each other.

Yesterday I mostly read (David Sedaris), did some writing in my journal, then spent the evening with my family which is a regular thing for us to do on Wednesdays and Sundays. We have been going through the Tolkien movies in their chronological order--The Hobbit movies first, then The Lord of The Rings movies--and finished them last night.

I also did some research on volunteering in my city and found that our local museum of fine arts needs help, so I think I'm going to look into volunteering there. Hopefully this would be a step towards getting a real job.

This morning I slept too late again--10 hours. Maybe it's the Zyprexa.

Hope everyone here has a good day. You are in my thoughts.

hugs, Ceara

Thank you for sharing your experience as well 😀 volunteering is a great step forward 😀

I formatted my short story, added an epilogue, prologue, and where the main storyline begins, so the table of contents has 3 objects. Now im going to work on page numbering. This is will hell. Last time I couldn't do it, all I know it that it has to do with breaking "link to previous page" and "section breaks".

Well I’ve been fine so far today. I haven’t been putting too much stress on myself so maybe that’s it.

I worry too much, apparently. Stress makes me crazy. Stress and sleeping less. Not good for me.

I think I was right to be worried about the delusional thinking, though. It’s scary to think I could lose my mind again.

omg I did it. I figured out how to do page numbers. It took so many menu options though. I love youtube university lol

Appointments with my doctor and therapist went well, saw my care manager too

Have a toothache. Going to have to call the dentist tomorrow and see if I can get a walk in appointment

Work stress went down a lot so that's good. Was having some really strong bad hallucinations last night. I started rubbing some recent SH wounds to try to soothe myself without having to actually SH. Pastor T is kind of pushing me to stop SH so I think the wanting to is going to get really worse. But the hallucinations didn't help. I brought my coworker who seems to have had a problem with me lately a butterscotch frappuccino today so hopefully she will be happier with me. Bribery, I know....

That sounds delish, Kit. It's supposed to be in the 20s today but it felt warmer than that out. I accidentally flooded my tank which sucks.

The little disposables I like are illegal now I guess. Unless they tasted like tobacco juice. I guess they will discontinue carrying them.