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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 07:32 PM
  #41
I'm a little hypomanic. Phenibut is a good antidepressant. I took a 750mg phenibut stuffed capsule with my tolerant 900mg dose. Tomorrow I'll take 850mg and probably be irritable, agitated, dysphoric.. Idk..

Remember, what goes up, always has to god damn go down. So the more I suffer, the better I'll feel in the end.

I realize that everything I do, helps me in the end.. But I have a problem with wasting time. ENTJ's don't waste time.. And ESTJ's hate when other people waste time.. I waste time listening to music... I love music.. Comfort sometimes.. Idk..

I took a 0.5mg alprazolam (One benzo) last night but I took nothing yesterday night. I might use olanzepine to sleep tonight then one benzo tomorrow night... Slowly wean myself off these things..
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 09:06 PM
  #42
Old emotions are stirring within because I did something stupid today.

Anyway, I wrote some good material for my book. So I at least did that.

I need to be more careful. Damn it.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 09:27 PM
  #43
I've been thinking about what I want to do.. If there wasn't such thing as money, I'd do English courses to build my writing skills and travel the world, writing stories. But idk if that would be satisfying.

I'm thinking.. What does it take to become a pharmacologist? I have to do physics or math. I didn't do well in physics in high school because I was so depressed but now I'm interested in it. I was good at math but I forget everything. Y'know what I needed back then really badly? A psychedelic trip. Now that I've tripped, I feel like I can do anything..

I'm looking up physics courses. One about building a quantum computer seems really interesting. But there's a catch now... I can't handle stress.. I have a very low tolerance to stress right now.. So I'm going to increase my Invega Sustenna injection back to 3 weeks instead of 4 weeks.

When I've exhausted myself through this in an hour or two, I'm gonna read a book and just chill.. I've been listening to a bit of podcasts today and exercised. I still feel stressed out. I want to not be stressed and I'm putting stress on myself but I don't care right now. I'm going to push myself until I break.

There's a pharmacology course that my college is offering on the 23rd of March. I'm going to enroll in that and see if I like it.

I don't know if taking an olanzepine will help me with stress. I might take a benzo for now with one and just see if I feel any better.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:12 PM
  #44
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It’s true.... wish she would consider therapy.....
Does she journal? It could be a source of strength to document what she's going through. Or a video log etc.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:15 PM
  #45
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So the heater does work apparently. And my cat is eating. Idk. We got denied for that thing today and my head went into depression.
I'm glad some things are going ok again.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:15 PM
  #46
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Does she journal? It could be a source of strength to document what she's going through. Or a video log etc.
No she’s one of these people with a tough exterior.....kinda punk....I think this whole thing isn’t her style

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:16 PM
  #47
Well... I'm doing what my psychiatrist said to do.. which is try out physics courses online and see how I do..

I'm doing a physics course right now. I took 7.5mg of ZYPREXA (Olanzepine ^^).. And my stress is GONE.

My stress be gone.. I can focus without PAIN.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:24 PM
  #48
I need a damned lozenge.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:27 PM
  #49
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I need a damned lozenge.
You ran out? Are you vaping?
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:27 PM
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Well... I'm doing what my psychiatrist said to do.. which is try out physics courses online and see how I do..


I'm doing a physics course right now. I took 7.5mg of ZYPREXA (Olanzepine ^^).. And my stress is GONE.


My stress be gone.. I can focus without PAIN.
Yeah I liked Zyprexa a lot. But they took me off of it because of the weight gain.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:29 PM
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You ran out? Are you vaping?
Haha, yes! Straight menthol, it tastes like crap. But I'm so glad I have it. They have like 10 bags of lozenges people sent me in the nurse's cart. Just have to go ask for one. Hate it here.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:41 PM
  #52
The nurse let me take the whole bag back to my room. So glad. They have menthol which helps me not cough and breathe better.

Tomorrow is Wednesday already. The Coke machine hasn't been refilled.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 10:46 PM
  #53
Just about 20 more minutes until I can use my headphones again. I'm not sure how to charge my vape pod without anyone noticing and asking questions. I hope my new roommate will take part in activities here and be out of the room mostly. Hope she'll make friends.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 09:09 AM
  #54
Morning

Its fckn freezing!

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 09:18 AM
  #55
Oh my goodness

I feel like today is gonna be weird or crazy.

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 09:49 AM
  #56
Anyone up?

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 11:02 AM
  #57
Going to take 2-3 weeks for my post cards to arrive they are coming from New Zealand.....hopefully I don’t have to pay taxes to claim them.

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 11:27 AM
  #58
Just got back from the laundromat. Took a shower and put on fresh clean, warm clothes

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 11:29 AM
  #59
One of my cats was so sweet last night (Annie) she laid under the cover with me with her arm around me purring and she kept petting my face with her other paw

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 12:32 PM
  #60
I'm moving next week

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