Roll Call 160!

Sorry to hear bluebird...hugs.

I think my anxiety is leading me to feel like a fraud at work. I feel sometimes one day they’ll realize I’m terrible and let me go. I think that’s why it’s been more than two years working there and I still haven’t really decorated my desk.

Isn’t that called like imposter syndrome or something?

I totally know what you mean! Hugs!!! Kit

Tapping your feet might feel like anxiety, but it may be akathisia. Akathisia - Wikipedia
If it is akathisia then you just might need a side effect pill called Cogentin. It's cheap, and I don't feel any side effects from taking it. It just does what it should, by making the inner restlessness, and the need to ta my legs, it stops it.

Have you read this? Sometimes, to get me through, I need something to chew on in my head. Since you enjoyed Candid, I thought you might like this too? I don't know if it will help though.
Robot Check

Desoxyn, do you ever use youtube to watch series like Carl Sagan's cosmos series? Neal DeGrasse Tyson remade it with what we know today. I tend to enjoy physics on the screen rather than in a book or class. Maybe we can only know it by peaking our nose in the tents this way.

Yeah that sounds like it.
It doesn’t make sense but it’s how I feel sometimes.

I follow a lot o philosophers on Twitter, and it is very common among them. Very prominent even amongst the best!

Honestly, I should feel imposter syndrome, I can't explain why I don't though! Maybe im so good at faking it, that I even faked myself lol now that's arrogant, be lucky you don't have that!

Do you think it’s something you would act on or is it just thoughts? Either way you should get in touch with your doc but if it’s more than thoughts you should goto the hospital. Or if you want to talk we are all here for you....

Tacos again for dinner. 3 days now. Cooked all three days. Tired of tacos.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Off til monday. Thank ya jesus.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I’m glad you don’t feel that way! You should be confident.

I feel really depressed even though I'm on phenibut. I was listening to summertime sadness by lana del ray and now I'm going to try and play it on the guitar!

Good coping mechanism right? I feel like music is my soul.

Hey thanks, it's just thoughts. I ended up falling asleep for a couple hours and feel a little better

Thanks DT, I'll definitely check that out sometime!

I started a physics course online, I'm thinking of playing guitar/piano again, was reading a bit (But bad reviews on the book I was reading so it put me off), I go skiing at least 1-2 times a week, taking walks, taking a shower almost every day, brushing my teeth every day, doing 20 hour water fasts.. And just a few other things.

I'm doing pretty well compared to/considering being completely disabled.

I just feel sad...

If I hear a good song it can make me hypomanic.

I'm very sensitive person.

So how's the forum handling so far I think I'm going to go ahead and say it, so what happened to the chat in this site.

So the phenibut is making me productive and I always feel good and have good ideas before I go to bed so this is what I'm going to say to my doctor on the appointment tomorrow;

Mental health;
1. Depression: Been a bit depressed for a month until I wrote this stuff down and back on track like how I was - I usually feel better at night before I go to bed.
2. Psychosis: Having slight symptoms at the end of my injection.
3. OCD: Obsessing more about things and certain rituals like making decisions and repeating things a certain specific number of times.
4. Anxiety: Very low.

Things I’m doing right now;
1. Music: Playing guitar (I’m going to buy an electric guitar) and piano.
2. Exercise: Skiing 1-2 times a week, might do cross country skiing, could be hiking this winter, walking almost every day, thinking of using the gym.
3. Socializing: Being around people a lot (Sometimes to the point where it can be overwhelming)
4. Exercising mental brain: Started a physics course online to see what it takes to be a pharmacologist (Which I don’t think I’m sure that I want to do) - Also I think physics is cool and can be fun (Psychiatrist recommended I do this), Solving hard puzzles on brain game apps and internet.
5. Increase knowledge about things: Listening to podcasts a lot, was reading a bit (But bad reviews on the book I was reading so it put me off).
6. Hygiene: Having a shower almost every day (Having cold showers for 5 minutes when I’m done), brushing my teeth every day.
7. Health: Doing 20 hour water fasts and eating healthy (If asked why: Kills precancerous cells, re-set insulin sensitivity, improve immunity, increase muscle mass, longevity, improve will-power, develop the ability to fast if needed, reduce body fat?, more energy, motivation, mood and focus!, spiritual experience, detoxify from bad chemicals and enhance learning and memory).
8. Sleep: Sleeping 10-12 hours a night.
9. Responsibilities: Taking care of my mom (Washing dishes, cleaning litter box, shovelling snow from sidewalks and emptying garbages every day).

Things I plan to do;
1. Spiritual and relaxing: Meditating every day, watching Netflix or reading before bed.
2. Social: Talking to people at coffee connections from 1-3pm.
3. Responsibilities: Getting a part time job and might go to school part time again.
4. Researching: Investing in stock market, cryptocurrency and day trading (Discord and reddit, psychonaut and investing servers), researching about my moms specific breast cancer, conspiracies, how to make money online.
5. Improve vocabulary and language: Learn about one country every day (Learn Spanish), learning one new English word every day and one Spanish word.

Meds;
1. Invega Sustenna 150mg every 4 weeks (Bring back to every 3 weeks)
2. Seroquel 50mg (Prescribe 4x 25mg’s so it’s back to 100mg if possible) - NEED REFILL
3. Vyvanse 50mg (Allow for 2x 5mg’s of Dexedrine a day in the evening for focus - 60x 5mg) - NEED REFILL
4. Olanzepine 5mg PRN (This helps me to focus without feeling pain and I have 16x 5mg refills)
5. Atenolol 50mg every 12 hours (Stay the same) - NEED REFILL

Supplements;
1. Fish oil (3 a day)
2. Vitamin D (1000ui in the morning)
3. Melatonin 10mg (Every night - Going to stop taking this eventually)

Drugs I’m taking;
1. Marijuana and CBD (Low doses rarely)
2. Phenibut (1g a day - Decreasing)
3. Alprazolam (0.5mg a night - Decreasing)

Drugs I’m not taking;
1. Alcohol (Stopped drinking because of psychedelic flashbacks - Derealization and depersonalization (Dissociation) which causes panic attacks).
2. Psychedelics - DMT, Shrooms, LSD (Taking a 5-10 year break)
3. Cigarettes (Quit 6 months ago and using nicotine gum instead)