Roll Call 161!

I really want to read your post Job, but I got off work not too long ago, and I just don’t think my brain can comprehend at the moment.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Nick got a second job at the bank. He’ll be teaching for 3-4 hours x 7 days a week and working at the bank 8 hours x 3 days a week.

I hope one day he’ll be able to get a master degree in Psychology and can do his dream job as a child therapist.

I’m going to tell him to reduce his teaching days so that he’d get 1-2 days off. I don’t want him to overwork even though he said he’s okay with it. He doesn’t like the jobs but he likes making money. He barely buys things for himself though, he likes saving for important things like a car and a house. When we went to Japan for example, he only bought himself one Pikachu wallet and that’s all. He’s a man with vision. Very selfless and he puts my needs before his. Sometimes I “look at myself in the mirror” and wondering why he even chosed me.

Have such a bad headache

Same

I took a headache pill but it has caffeine in it and now my heartbeat is too fast.

Hope you feel better !

Psychedelics and life (Life is a trip) are the source of spirituality. Spirituality can also be a source of religions. Religion is like following the messenger and spirituality is like following the message.

I used to be an atheist since I was born basically and was very interested in science. Then I did lots of psilacetin. Psychedelics just usually increase a theists faith in God but for me, I became a pantheist/panentheist (Like spiced up atheism).

Theists connect with the true God which I can't connect with because of my convictions about hating how I always had to stand up and kneel in church (Hurting my knees) and having to pray the same thing 10 times - Also the fact that everything has a "physical" reason based in reality as to why it happens. I like to think about "metaphysical" things for fun.

When you focus on your breath and in between each breath, there's a pause.. That pause from in-out or out-in, is universal consciousness (The singularity) - The highest of all consciousness.. The light spectrum.. Infinity of the singularity of a black hole.. Y'know.. when a massive star forms iron at the centre of it's core to stop pushing out against gravity to collapse in on itself and doesn't create a neutron star but instead a black hole? Another universe maybe? Who knows.. We will only know with more advanced science.

For some people, atheism starts in high school biology class when the teacher says that they thought God spawned maggots on old food until a scientist realized that it was because of flies landing on the food and laying eggs which turn into maggots and then turn into flies..

I know there's a God.. but there isn't at the same time. Just like how there isn't good or bad, it depends on how you look at it. It's what makes life, LIFE. We're not supposed to know. We get a small glympse with spiritual awakening, psychedelics or altered states of consciousness but then we go back to reality.. You're left with the feeling of "What happened?" (Even with psychosis).

The "Paradox" is God to me. It's everything - The universe, yin yang...

There's pessimists and optimists.. It's just the way you look at it. That's why there's arguing.. Perspectives.. If you look at both sides, often you can see how one person is right (Or wrong) in one way while the other is wrong (Or right) in the opposite way.

Life wouldn't be the same if we knew or knew not. It would be borrrringggg =]

I try to be a good person. But I'm also a little evil. The devil (Drugs or bad food for example) can take you to the bad side, so people feel bad about it or good...

There would be no art without a lot of good and a little evil or a lot of evil and a little bit of good (Depends on how you look at it). That's why psychedelics can inspire art.. life inspires art.. The trip of life...

I want to be a neuropsychopharmacologist =]

But I want to study a lot of things and just keep my mind open though for now..

I do want to go to school. I have main interest in sciences.

Pms plus being sick plus tooth extraction equals a very frustrating week

I'm sad. I've been sort of crying. It gives me a headache.

Sorry SK

I typically don't pull all nighters anymore but I'm going to stay up tonight so I can go have breakfast at the salvation army really early then go straight over to my old place to work on some stuff

I really need it to be spring or summer already.

I need to go outside and sit in the lawnchair. I'm sick of being in my room. It's driving me ****ing nuts.

When my mom goes to sleep I'm gonna sneak outside at midnight and go for a walk.

I can't carry all this weight. Screw it. I'm taking my hands OFF the wheel.

No.. I can't do that..

You ok Des?

Everything ok?

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

I have no idea why I'm even alive. I want out. I don't know what to do. We're flying through space. I can't keep it together anymore because it's winter. I need to do something. I need people to guide me. I'm afraid to live life like everyone else. I have avoidant personality disorder again. I don't want to work a machine job. My cognition is falling apart. My mind is deteriorating. I could have the wrong diagnosis. I'm afraid of bad things happening. I probably have a compromised heart because of past stimulant abuse so I'm going to die soon. I want to make art and music anyways but I don't know. My therapy isn't helping. The olanzepine is making me gain weight. I don't know if I'm depressed or something idk.. I seem happy but I don't know if I am. I'm afraid of everything now.