Roll Call 163!!! Dancing Chili

making some eggs and hashbrowns

**** I had the worst panic attack of my life last night. It was a combination of Invega injection kicking in, taking 200mg caffeine, 1g phenibut, smoking weed and then walking outside and listening to duncan trussell and joe rogan, the coldness of my lips, fingers, being out of breath, feeling like I'm the town "tripper" walking around town not knowing which way to go so I was crossing the street and turning back etc i thought people would make fun of me like I was "that guy".. having a psychedelic flashback I was and then I listened to a youtube video about depersonalization and I thought people from the sky were ****ing with me cuz I was walking home but it felt like eternity and all I could hear was nothing but his voice and the womans voice about going crazy being a "spiritual awakenening" well THANKS... I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT WHEN I WAS 16... then a car alarm kept going off... When I was walking home, I was like "****.. These houses are all the same.. I'm walking in the same spot"....

I got home and my eyes were twitching side to side I couldn't focus on one thing or look my mom or cat in the eyes.. I took alprazolam and then the heart... The heart started beating hard and fast so i was like "Should I go to sleep or tell my mom" so i told my mom..

I DON'T want this to happen again! But it will! I have panic disorder!!!

Yeah I notice that there's mental panic attacks and physical. You can have both at the same time. Luckily, I had a mental panic attack last night and my body was calm.. Then I took benzos and my mind started to be completely calm but my body WAS NOT CALM.. So I was like "Whatever.. I suppose I'll go to sleep" and all I hear is "Beat beat beat beat" - fukkkkk.....

Then I finally calmed down. I've never had a panic attack that bad before. I'm used to them by now but that one freaked me out because it was so severe.

There was absolutely nothing to do while I was panicking.. And it felt like altered state of consciousness...

So I imagine that making hand movements and chanting would help.. I believe that that's the ONLY THING THAT CAN BE DONE... In that moment... I'm serious...

Not feeling the greatest

Got 3 dog toys an hour ago and 2 are already chewed to pieces. And they weren’t soft toys. They were hard rubber. I got 2 big dogs...

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I just don't want to tell my mom that I'm having a panic attack because even though it's normal in western society for this to happen, we have no real ways of dealing with it..

Imagine.. Out in the bushes.. "I'm having a panic attack..". Someone would say "Come by the fire and dance".

It's like that thing that JOB wrote in his story.. The way some people feel like God has entered their bodies and everyone chants the person on... (Or it could have been a different story I read..)

It's a spiritual thing.. Panic attacks.. My bad trip was spiritual.. Now I'm freaking out about everything and trying to fix it all... And what the soldiers said is the opposite.. Now soldiers are going to take over the world..

You’re probably better off getting each dog a giant bone to chew on instead as a treat. Living with my friend who has 2 pit bulls we deal with the 8 month old puppy chewing up the kids toys. We’ve also had trouble finding stuff for the pup without her and the other dog fighting about it.

Didn’t think about that. I’ve never had 2 big dogs til past year. I grew up with miniature schnauzers. And I thought they were big! Yikes. These are shepherd mixes. They are huge to me.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

What’s happening with the corona virus it makes me wonder if the government would take advantage of the situation and try to take over and kill its citizens who resist or don’t fit into agenda.

I’ve always been around animals of some sort. Mainly pits. However when my mom had met my stepdad the dogs that were golden retriever and a black lab were well over 100 pounds if not like 110 at some point. I love big dogs. Only issue is if they’re hyper and if you have to pick up puke or runny poop when the dog is sick.

Newtus, fill us in more about your writing. I want to hear more details regularly. what's it about?

I didn't take any Ativan last night. Maybe I should take some now.

I have restless spine, like RLS only in the back. Klonopin used to make it all better but Ativan isn't as good I guess. I'm going to take some.

Negative: an ex girlfriend and I messages over facebook. She kept on giving me the giant thumbs up which seemed superficial. We typically have a more genuine conversation but it felt like she was jabbing at me. Then again, the internet isn't that great at expressing emotions for many...

Positive: I'm buying a wireless charger for my phone because the usb charge ports always go bad, right? I'm sick of jiggling the port like it was my first time lol. Am I right? haha. I see my editor is writing a chapter on the philosophy of mythology which is dope. I'm looking forward to it. My own story is drudging along. This story is the ultimate test for my imagination. I might not be able to accomplish this feat.

I took 1.5 pills. Physically I feel like shyt but I have to find out if it helps my spine.

I wish I had some chocolate here. Every time I get chocolate, the staff goes in my drawers and eats it all. I don't know what to do about that. I could put them in the locked drawers but there's no room.

Oh I’m always writing. This specific book isn’t finished. But I did a lot of research and with nonfiction books you need to pitch the idea before it’s fully written.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

My therapist is moving to telecounseling for a couple of weeks.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Hey everyone. Hope everyone is fine.

I am currently quarantined (the whole country is now).

It's kinda hard, but I think I enjoy certain aspects of it. I mean I am not going to be apologetic about the aspects of quarantine that I enjoy. I honestly like reading the amount I have been lately. I am not negating negative experiences that others have by saying that I enjoy certain aspects of quarantine. Of course, this is a pandemic, and many people have died. In no way am I trying to negate that. But I'm just saying, for me, there are positive things to focus on.

Have you guys heard of this...goto your windows and clap every night at 8 pm......