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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 22,115
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#941
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
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#942
My aunt sent me a video of her neighbourhood car alarms going off at 7pm for the medical workers.
Why do I only sometimes feel that things like these are a good thing? Is it because of my anhedonia? I can feel empathy in the background but I'm too scared to feel it. I feel like it's a scary video game. Is that because of schizophrenia? Autism? Anxiety? I think I could be having a flashback or a panic attack is starting.. My auntie is always on MDMA.. Always.. (Naturally). So is my mom and sister. When I'm on MDMA, I would participate if I lived there.. But right now I'd be scared of the noise.. Idk... Maybe it has something to do with autism.. But I don't mind noise most times. I don't care about abortion.. If I don't know about something, it doesn't exist.. If there was no one to witness reality, it wouldn't exist.. But people fixate on things.. Maybe I've been fooled so many times and manipulated so much that I'm not moved by this REAL alarm. There's just so many things in my head that I can't focus on one thing.. Or one cause.. I want to know ALL. I'm an innovator.. Or would be if I didn't have mental illness like anxiety and panic attacks or stress and lack of patience.. I would prefer to do medical research and philanthropy for humanity.. Cuz humanity is all that is real to us together.. Although my fantasies and imagination are really what are more real to me.. Autism? Schizoid? My magical powers to control reality like a video game.. Schizotypal? Maybe I'm just too smart.. Or too stupid.. Who knows.. I get windows of hedonia and content, extreme empathy, participation in society, focus, motivation, spirituality, etc... But I'm not the same all the time.. It's like I'm moving through flashing pictures and I'm constantly morphing and changing state not in sync with my reality.. And people don't understand... One moment I can be talking or feeling a certain way and then the next moment, people see that I'm changed and they don't understand so they judge based on the current moment.. I'm so ****ing mentally ill man and I'm not saying that in a good way like some people do at all if you think I am. Or maybe I'm not mentally ill.. Maybe I'm confused.. But isn't everyone confused? What does it really mean to be confused? To not know a solution? No one knows everything... They can't possibly be OK all the time either... |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
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#943
My mom said that I'm not a bad person if I don't want to follow social media trends and that it doesn't mean that I don't support the medical workers.
I'm just an introvert. That's all.. And very sane. |
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SlumberKitty
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Princess Tutu
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7,912
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#944
Tweaky I live you like a brother man. I’m sorry things have been rough on you. Hang in there because we don’t know what life has in store for us. But like I hear... if you don’t do stupid stuff while living than you’re not truest living. Not saying get back into booze and drugs. Take chances and do what makes you happy.
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Desoxyn, Job 30 26
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
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#945
Quote:
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Erti
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Princess Tutu
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7,912
12 2,894 hugs
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#946
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
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7 4,912 hugs
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#947
Quote:
And it's horrible that you've lost loved ones that you really loved to lift you up - That love is lost.. I'm not sure. I've never lost a friend or family member before apart from my grandfather but I didn't know him that much. |
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Princess Tutu
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7,912
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#948
Haven’t felt like sleeping in at all. I wake up in a fret scared that I was going to die and leave my family and never see them again. I’m hell bound when I die. They’ll take me away into nothingness. The circle ends. We all are insignificant star dust. If I don’t think there’s a heaven or a hell. I believe the dead talk to me. Our bodies... microorganisms... I believe I have my own personal hell. I’m responsible for people’s death. I’m responsible for not reviving them. They’re stuck in the spirit and the earth realm. We’re all gonna die once people start blowing **** up and we all die
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Desoxyn
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Princess Tutu
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7,912
12 2,894 hugs
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#949
Quote:
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Desoxyn, SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
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7 4,912 hugs
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#950
Quote:
I'm sorry you're feeling this way.. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
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#951
Try distracting..
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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,301
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#952
Up and waiting to go to work....
Dealing w massive anxiety abt having to work during a pandemic... __________________ |
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Desoxyn, Erti, Job 30 26, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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The Dopamine Flux
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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#953
Morning
Took meds and had a few sips of coffee. Started my Animal Crossing day on my switch. Gonna come back to it later. I was able to merge funds from my old account to my new one. My Nintendo acct. Waiting for packages today! Cooking chili today too. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Angelique67, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,743
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#954
I have a package coming today. It’s the maple syrup
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Angelique67, Job 30 26, newtus, Sometimes psychotic
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The Dopamine Flux
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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13 867 hugs
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#955
__________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Angelique67, Blue_Bird, Job 30 26, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,743
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#956
Plus I'm getting a care package from the apartment complex today 😃
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Angelique67, Job 30 26, newtus, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,743
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10 14.3k hugs
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#957
Just got the care package. they set it up where you go through the room and take one of everything, plus 2 rolls of paper towels and 4 rolls of toilet paper. They gave out a full thing of laundry soap, a bar of soap, and lots of food, plus an activity packet
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Angelique67, Job 30 26, newtus, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Norway
Posts: 897
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#958
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Sometimes psychotic
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Norway
Posts: 897
4 1,251 hugs
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#959
The accountant mirrored my laptop and went through my unemployment account but the unemployment agency might not have sent the letter I needed. She did see one that said to send my driver's license and social security card, so she did that. Maybe it will work. She also said it could be because they don't have enough employees at the unemployment office to do all the paperwork and that could be the problem.
We can't call, we can't send a message, we can't chat over the internet, it's a complete system failure. |
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,743
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#960
I’m craving chili now since you mentioned it newtus 😋
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus
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