Roll Call 166!

The space launch was postponed. I get nervous when people go up in rocket ships.

Do cicadas count as locusts? Just trying to figure out which horseman we’re on now.....

Journaling everyday comes 2nd nature to me now, so I'm working on building other habits like praying the Rosary daily.

Hm... I wish I can talk to a counselor or something. My mind is going and my mind is blank. kris kross apple sauce. Nothing makes sense yet in my mind it does. I'm hiding something in my purse. I'm out of my mind. I'm in love with my demons.

Feeling super good after the 16km walk (22 thousand steps)!

I was mad at my mom and her friends cuz of the drama subjection and walked ahead of them all the way home.

But I can't be mad. I can't waste time being mad - It will get me no where. I'm glad my mom had fun with their friends but they were saying "He's heard worse" and a woman said "Just because he's heard worse, doesn't mean that it's ok" (To make such sexual comments often) and it's true. As I was walking away, that woman said "Thanks for putting up with us - We love you" after I gave my mom a hug and walked away.

I'm mad that my mom is now keeping my 10k+ dollars but I can't get mad about money - Although it is really controlling.. Like how can I be independent? I have to figure that out. My mom is going to be working 12 hour days or something so it's much worse for her - And she's cooking the dinners etc.

Some of what the "soldiers" said to me about my identity is true. Idk how I manage to hear the perfect things in my life at the right time.. Seems suspicious..

I was walking across the road and I get pissed at cars revving their engines and making turns exactly where I think they're going to go.. It's like they do it to piss me off.. I saw that guy yesterday and I should have said "You better leave me alone". He seems like such an idiot too.

I'm drinking a chamomile tea and might take 5mg of diazepam. I only took two this week. I'm taking less and less - I couldn't do that with alprazolam because the half life was too short. It's pretty easy to taper with diazepam.

I haven't decided what I wanted to do today but at the end I'll take a zopiclone and go to sleep, wake up and it will be a much better day. I refilled my meds and my Invega injection is now back to every 3 weeks instead of 4.

Works over. Pretty easy day, can't complain. I still haven't had any alcohol--stocking to lemon ice tea. I but a thing of cappuccino for the weekends for when i write. I'm going to maybe keep this going until the end of August because I've read that it takes 3 months to really bounce back. Then it will be just 2 beers a day, no more ever.

The mexican guy at work is really getting stressed out for some reason. He seems like all the responsibility is on his shoulders but there is no reason for him to feel that way. I feel bad for him, even though he makes more than me. This is really easy interior work, there just happens to be a lot of it.

Kinda looking forward to slow work over winter so I can read more books. I don't know guys. I really have nothing to say anymore because of the flat affect.

You're doing awesome man! Reading, working, writing, cutting down on drinking.

I haven't had an alcohol since that glass of wine made me suicidal. I'm lowering the benzos and been tapering phenibut for like months.. But I won't quit.. Keep tapering. You decide when you've had enough.. But a drug does what it does... A beautiful magic of psychoactive molecules it is.. Just like life, each has it's good and bad, heaven and hell, angels and demons... You decide..

Fight the demons.. I'm fighting still.. Although satan lures me into hell. Sometimes I can't catch my breath and I'm slipping into the deep end. I feel the current within - I can't help but give in.. And you know where you're going.. The choices.

Don't lose control. I want to be FJ instead of FP most times.

I googled "hand cooler gloves". They don't exist.

Just hand warmers..

There must be something good about me listening to this much music all day every day.. One sec let me Google..

"Music Increases Happiness. ...
Music Improves Performance in Running. ...
Music Decreases Stress While Increasing Overall Health. ...
Music Improves Sleep. ...
Music Reduces Depression. ...
Music Helps You Eat Less. ...
Music Elevates Your Mood While Driving. ...
Music Strengthens Learning And Memory.
Music Increases Verbal Intelligence
Music Raises IQ and Academic Performances"

Zoom isn’t working so I haven’t been able to get on orientation for uni for an hour and a half.

No emails yet from anybody. I can’t tell you how many emails I have sent for business/job purposes.

No word on my unemployment either.

I’m broke. I’m sad, kinda. No one except my dad has called or texted to check on me. My mom did once yesterday but it was only text and I hadn’t heard from her in almost 2 weeks. I’m sure that’s gonna continue. My friends don’t check on me.

I’m tired. I haven’t slept, again. I’m stressed out. Anxiety all the time.

I’m hungry.


I’m so close to giving up.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I know sp check on me tho.

What I mean is, no one in my real life has checked on me. Whatsoever.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I’m sorry I’ve been complaining so much recently.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

My throat is kinda sore

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Sorry things aren’t going well newtus

I was just using zoom for the last hour, it’s not down.

Sorry about the rest....

HUGS @newtus

Went home early yesterday from work because of the migraine. Slept three hours after I got home, woke up, felt much better. I totally crashed. I was sleeping in my parents room because my Mom decided to change my sheets and my bedding and my bed wasn't made for me to sleep on it. My Dad came in and took a shower and I never even knew I was so gone to the world. So today I came in early so I could make up some time that I missed. Tomorrow I will come in early too that way I still have my 40 hours. I had to just get out of the shower and throw my hair into a bun so I could get here early though, but it worked. My friend at work was having eye surgery today. To remove cataracts. She texted me to tell me she is done and she is okay. I'm glad because I was worried. They did one eye and then they will do the other one in like two weeks.

I can finally get my haircut next week, yay!

Good morning..

Waking up. Having coffee.

I feel slow this morning. I hope the coffee does something.

Good Morning Desoxyn!