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Sometimes psychotic
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 05:24 PM
  #981
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I'm getting so bad with cleaning again. I have barely cleaned anything for like a month now. I don't know how to get myself motivated to do it. I just let it go then it gets overwhelming

I really don’t clean much at all....I mean unless there is visible dust then there’s no need....

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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 06:17 PM
  #982
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I haven’t heard from my care manager in forever. Idk what’s up with that. It has to have been at least like a month and a half or 2 by now since we last talked. She used to check in with me regularly. It would be helpful now since
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As they always ask, do you have a plan? I've had those thoughts all my life, but less so now. My faith is getting stronger again and it helps.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 06:22 PM
  #983
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As they always ask, do you have a plan? I've had those thoughts all my life, but less so now. My faith is getting stronger again and it helps.
No I don't have a plan, but I still struggle with the urges sometimes.

My faith is getting stronger too actually and it's helping I pray the rosary and talk to God and it helps me feel better

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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 06:27 PM
  #984
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My sisters cancer is getting worse....the chemo isn’t working....that’s why she has a fever....they are going to change her meds up but apparently she has another liver tumor for a total of five. Prayers or thoughts appreciated.
I'm very sorry to hear, I am sending love and prayers.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 06:30 PM
  #985
I feel pretty good today. Staying up all night since I have to be up early for my haircut appointment. I'm happy. Things are good in my life. I'm thankful. That's what I focus on, everything I have to be thankful for.

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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 06:33 PM
  #986
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No I don't have a plan, but I still struggle with the urges sometimes.


My faith is getting stronger too actually and it's helping I pray the rosary and talk to God and it helps me feel better
That's wonderful. Roll Call 166!
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 06:58 PM
  #987
Had a nice subway for dinner.....

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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 07:16 PM
  #988
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Had a nice subway for dinner.....
I like tuna subs, Italian subs, and meatball subs from them

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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 07:50 PM
  #989
I listened to lectures on the New Testament today by one of my favorite professors. It's a shame he doesn't have more lectures on the great courses because he's a gem. I'm downloading more lectures right now from bit torrent. I think I might buy a series on romanticism. In fact i will. =) Im also getting Neil Gaimon's Masterclass on writing so i can listen while i work. Its time i step up my game. I have o many books to read this weekend.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 08:01 PM
  #990
Enjoying playing guitar. Might play piano soon later.

I had to induce mania with chemicals.

I love music
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Default Jun 06, 2020 at 06:47 AM
  #991
I felt happy and then sad then happy and now really really sad. But it's ok.

I noticed that I get dysphoric depression and euphoric depression.

I wish my mom stuck to teaching me piano. I love piano I'm starting to realize. And I'm like an autistic savant with music - I can play by ear. I'm gifted in music she says. Same with my dad. That's why he gave me his 10 thousand dollar guitar.

My mom was a piano teacher. And I can't play piano. It's not too late right? I just regret so much and keep thinking about the past. I was really dealt a ****** card. I just want to play music at least. But I accomplished nothing in life - Yet want to end it sometimes - Known for nothing and it's just another tragedy for my mom. She knows what she's doing. I don't blame her for anything - She's the best mother in the world. But I feel like I came second to her relationships and her obsessive compulsive cleaning.

All of a sudden my anhedonia is gone and I feel emotions. I'm not sure why.

I guess this was just the way it was meant to be.
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Default Jun 06, 2020 at 08:08 AM
  #992

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