I am struggling a lot right now

I am thinking about going off my meds for good. They have done nothing but cause me harm. I am tired of playing the psychiatrist - patient game. I am still seeing a therapist, but I hate this stuff. Why can't others be actually helpful? I know I'm probably in a bad mood right now. But this is getting ridiculous. Why do I feel this way? I feel helpless. I've never felt like this before. I feel like quitting like 8 things I'm doing right now. But it's all linked to that feeling of helplessness that I have.

I wish I had listened to my intuitions when I thought I should never be on medication or when I thought of going off of meds like 86 times before.

And now, I am just considering it. It is really hard to even consider because my life has been basically governed by the psychiatrist's rule and whatever he wants me to do for years now. Why can't there be another way? I wish there were another way. I think there is.

I always am talked out of it. I don't know, I'll probably change my mind tomorrow. I wish I had some stability. All I know is this is not working and I need a change.

I don’t know your personal story, but what are the reasons you went on meds originally?

Have you ever considered ECT?

Thanks for the replies.

I've done ECT before actually. It helped me get out of a severe funk (severe depression before)... I don't know. I think my psychiatrist would be unwilling to do it now though. It messed up my memory bigtime.

Also the reasons I went on meds originally were: A. to curb horrendous feelings of thinking others could read my mind and that I could read theirs, B. to destroy any last inkling of depression I ever had, C. to cope with life, generally speaking, and D. to not have these ridiculous episodes where I cannot even deal with life in the slightest.

Anyway, it's hard to just focus on one thing right now. I think I need a med increase, actually.

Have you guys talked about Clozaril at all? It has helped a whole ton of people who have not responded to much else. Just a thought.

That's a good idea. Honestly I hadn't considered it lately. I have thought about going on it before and had other docs recommend that I be on it before.

That actually probably is the best solution. All these years I've been on two antipsychotics at a time. That is stupid. I just realized this.

When I could have been taking just one (clozapine) the whole time.

I mean because Zyprexa + Abilify wasn't even enough for me. Even on that, I would still have serious doubts about things.

I was close to going on it, when I tried Trilafon as a kind of last resort or whatever. It seems to be working but, if it gets bad again, I am happy to go on Clozaril.

Luckily I see my pdoc tomorrow.

How did the Pdoc appointment go?

I am going to change pdocs I think because he always wants to reduce meds so much. I know I need a certain level of meds. I hate going up and down and up and down. I wish we could just find a balance. I know what that balance should be. It's just ridiculous that he always wants to change things all the time.

I wish I could just find a pdoc who keeps me stable on meds instead of making so many changes all the time.

Thanks for asking though.

You’ll find one...my current pdoc won’t change my meds at all, she’s like the voice of reason....

I'm not on meds -- am actually about to get started on them, but I can relate to how you feel. I've felt this way progressively as time goes on. Maybe it's a byproduct of Schizophrenia? It seems that way to me. Hopefully there's some kind of solution that can be found to stop or even reverse this.

Good Luck!

hey !

I wouldnt go off your meds, friend. i get thoughts to stop taking mine too, thinking id be normal. but id just go cuckoo. so try to stay on them unless the dr says its a good idea to go off. and if you dont like your dr maybe try a different one..

hope this helps!

also - clozaril has really helped me! i can pretty much function is i stay on my full dose. its a strong med though, yuou need blood draws every month to get it