Roll call 171

They're printing money.

We're all gonna be trillionaires

they tried that years ago in germany after owing a bunch of money to other countries. Money came obsolete and was better off whipping your *** with it like toilet paper.

very tired

I hate that people who've done me wrong not get their upcomings.

Yikes, I know. I just wish my psychiatrist was willing to be more part of the conversation. My therapist was telling me that I need to be more assertive with my psychiatrist and see if my psychiatrist can actually help with me not having any creativity, a lack of emotion, etc. Then, if he can't, I guess, then I will switch docs.

Provigil......

I'm seeing the grim reaper right now from the corner of my eye. I'm trying not to look straight at it but I hope it doesn't mean what I think it means.

So, absolutely forced myself out on the bike, 27 miles. Spectacular day, people all over the river, kayakers, skiers, swimmers, babies and toddlers and families on bikes and puppies and stuff. Life. If that can't help you feel better, I don't know what can.

I do feel better. So, that is nice. Gonna try to ride regularly again, I think it helps me, i guess. Sometimes was right about getting out there, as usual.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!

took meds

Hey, Erti, I don't know everything, but I am pretty certain that is not the grim reaper or whatever. It is your illness, playing tricks on you. What antipsychotics are you taking? Does your podc know about this?

Hugs.

I'm on about 675 mg a day with Clozapine and 200 a day with lamictal. a beta blockers for tachycardia and anxiety. and I'm also on metformin to help keep me from eating myself to death

I tapered down to 550mg of phenibut and took 1.2g today to go on the hike because I was feeling a little apathetic.

I spent the evening sleeping and having sleep paralysis. I feel stupid right now.

But yeah I don't think I'm moving out - My mom will eventually get a place on the Island where my family is. I can't just completely disconnect from my whole family and be alone.

I'm a little dependent and won't survive on my own. If someone threw me out on the streets, I wouldn't be able to learn how to survive. I would die.

Not knowing how to live on your own and out on the streets is sadly very common and there's a large portion of homeless folks that is

I think I've almost withdrawn from the benzo a day habit. No panic attack since my last one ~5 nights ago. CBD, chamomile tea, magnesium and ashwagandha are really good. They're all natural.

I just want to relax my muscles and read etc.. But be awake too..

Well, I am just so sorry, Erti. I sure hope you tell the pdoc whta is happening.

Hugs.

Des--please reach out to your county mental health services. They can very likely help you find a place that will have some support where you will not have to do everything all by your self. I am almost certain your county has something like this available for people like us. If I qualified and I could find a decent one and could afford my component of it, I would live with other bipolar and schizophrenic folks in a heartbeat. it would really help me. Please don't give up on this idea. There is help and support ou tthere.

Hugs.

Please stay away from that weed...

ALbert woke me up at 0357. Not enough sleep, given this depression situation. Quite interestingly, my morning coffee, usually my happiest time and event of the day, tastes disgusting to me. It is excellent coffee. It actually does not taste disgusting. It tastes awesome, just not to me wihth my sick brain right now. When I am depressed, my sensory system is profoundly impacted and that includes taste. Food has been incredibly tasteless for a couple weeks. So interesting. This is why people who do not understand depression and think it just means you are sad so totally do not get how all-encompassing it can be for folks who have it super bad, like I have.

27 miles on the bike yest. Absolutely forced myself out there, but it did make me feel a tad better. Lovely day and lots of happy people out and seeing all that did remind me that there is happiness in this world, even if it is hard for me to find and see right now. Will just force myself to do it again today, even though I will not want to at all. Exercise has been crucial for me in surviving my depression over the decades. it is why I ran marathons and ultras in the old days.

My president is going to drive this nation right into the ground in a giant, flaming wreckage, in typical sociopath fashion.If he cannot win, in his world, then everyone else has to suffer, too. Read Mary Trump's. book. Mind-blowing. He is a very, very sick man.

Love and hugs.

Morning.

I have postponed my book release. Because I have submitted it to some publishers.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I think that’s a great idea!