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newtus
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 07:39 PM
  #41
Great workout on Beat Saber VR.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 07:44 PM
  #42
Lol never mind clozaril won't be ready until tomorrow

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 08:22 PM
  #43
This pisses me off to no end. My dad has to take this woman home and meet her kids halfway which halfway is 1.5 hours one way. Fcktrds. It’s already 8pm.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 08:45 PM
  #44
I've been reading the book "Mans search for meaning" about the concentration camps and it triggers me. It reminds me of how my ex step dad made me dig a trench and said "I'll lock you up in the basement and feed you pieces of fat which you will be too starving to not eat" (He's Polish).

It's just all really ****ed up to me. I sent him a message saying I will find you.
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 09:15 PM
  #45
My mom told me that he's out of our lives and not to message him.

I'll do something else instead of read that book.

lol..
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 09:27 PM
  #46
Hi happy to be here, this is my first post!
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 09:31 PM
  #47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
I've been reading the book "Mans search for meaning" about the concentration camps and it triggers me. It reminds me of how my ex step dad made me dig a trench and said "I'll lock you up in the basement and feed you pieces of fat which you will be too starving to not eat" (He's Polish).

It's just all really ****ed up to me. I sent him a message saying I will find you.
I'm sorry your ex stepdad was like that towards you. My dad locked me and my siblings up in a room... days on end. Sometimes all week or two without having food and such. I actually remember being locked in a room with old food and pop cans laying around with cigarettes and ashes in them. I drank it because of how hungry I was.
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 09:40 PM
  #48
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Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
Yay for not having it!
Yes! Haha! Roll call 171
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:16 PM
  #49
So glad this is over.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:17 PM
  #50
Got a subscription to Audible for 15 dollars a month but it's a 30 day free trial so I'll see how it goes.

I can't focus right now but I'm gonna read the previous book that I was reading;

Roll call 171

With audio.

I don't feel well right now. I think I took too many chemicals.

But there's a storm! Nice rain
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:29 PM
  #51
I've been an Audible subscriber for several years now. My library is pretty good on there.


Anyway, tonight I am just having a cup of coffee and trying to relax. I still haven't been able to do work (official work). I mean, they won't fire me if I don't work, right? I am just really anxious about the whole thing. I know they probably will fire me eventually if I don't schedule any shifts. But it's all good, right? I just don't know how to think about work. I know it's probably a good thing to have work right now, but I am really struggling to find meaning in my life and with having a job and whatever else I'm doing. There is basically nothing that is meaningful in my life right now...

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:32 PM
  #52
I also love how psychiatrists say like, "oh just take this little pill and everything'll be fine," when in reality it's more like "your life is going to change significantly after taking this little pill and probably won't be the same ever again." I'm not dissing meds, but I'm just saying that reality has really caught up with me this time. I don't like when people think meds are a quick fix to mental health issues. Of course, they happen to be the best treatment, say some people. But it's really about a whole lot more than that, I think. And I am still figuring out that stuff.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:39 PM
  #53
Also does anyone have tips on how to stop being selfish? I feel like I've transformed into someone who thinks "poor me" like all day long. I am looking to change that.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:50 PM
  #54
I was looking up what are good muscle relaxers because I took a 5mg diazepam (Valium) today and my muscles were so relaxed that I was able to read while sitting still.

I honestly always need something to relax my muscles. The diazepam wore off and I read that magnesium is a good muscle relaxer so I'm going to take that (I have 180x 150mg capsules that I found in one of my drawers).

So I'll take 150mg. I'll see how it goes. I also realize that CBD is a really good muscle relaxer but at 50-100mg and lasts ~1-2 days.

I'll write down all of my current chemicals (Meds, supplements and legal drugs) here any why I take them later.
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:53 PM
  #55
I'm a lost cause. I should spend the rest of my life in the psych ward.
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 11:13 PM
  #56
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I'm a lost cause. I should spend the rest of my life in the psych ward.
I feel the same way about myself too. But we must try...
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 11:17 PM
  #57
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I feel the same way about myself too. But we must try...
I'm trying so hard
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 11:18 PM
  #58
Daily meds - Invega Sustenna 150mg (Schizophrenia), Vyvanse 50mg (ADHD/Hypersomnia), atenolol 50mg (Heart OCD/Physical anxiety), zopiclone 7.5mg (Insomnia/Sleep), minocycline 100mg (Acne)

PRN meds - temazepam 15mg (PRN for sleep), alprazolam (PRN for dissociative panic attacks), diazepam 5mg (PRN for alprazolam taper), olanzepine 5mg (PRN psychosis and for sleep)

Daily supplements - Vitamin D 1000iu (Sunlight supplementation), vitamin C 1000mg (Immune system), 1 fish oil pill (Brain function)

PRN supplements - CBD and magnesium (PRN as muscle relaxers), Ashwagandha (Stress)

Tapering - Phenibut (Apathy)

Others daily - Nicotine (Focus), coffee (Wake up), chamomile tea (Relax)

Things I have but don’t use - Alcohol, L-Tyrosine, melatonin, weed

This is all. I'm being honest. Good thing I have them all organized.

Any comments much appreciated. I think it's a little much but what can I do nothing
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 11:28 PM
  #59
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I'm dying for housekeeping to come here. Apparently, I don't have the virus after all! They came and took another test today. The nurse said there are people here who have it. And my roommate has been sick with something, but I'm not infected (yet).

I don't know why everyone thought I had it. It's like The Twilight Zone.
Great news!!!!

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 11:38 PM
  #60
Eh now I feel sleepy

& Hand in there @ Erti
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